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Friday, January 19, 2018

How to make friends. Start a conversation - Lacy Muircastle reporting...






conversation
kɒnvəˈseɪʃ(ə)n/
noun
  1. a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.

    "she picked up the phone and held a conversation in French."

    synonyms:discussiontalkchatgossiptête-à-têteheart-to-hearthead-to-headexchangedialogueparleyconsultationconferenceMore


Second Life fulfils different roles for different people and that is how it should be, but at its very heart, it is a social platform. Socialising can and is interpreted in a variety of ways.  Unfortunately for many people, it's as tricky in SL as it is in RL to strike up a conversation with some random person.

Many of you will have had to attend cocktails parties or events in RL where you don't know anyone, and so you hug the walls sipping your Gin and eyeing out who's who over the rim of the oversized glass.

All you want to do is to meet new contacts and make connections. However, the problem is figuring out how to approach people, no matter what the situation.

In my opinion, it's even harder in SL to make new contacts.  There are no visual cues or body language to try and read.


I picked up the following threads in an SL forum:

Speaking from a guy's perspective, most guys would be happy to receive a random IM.  I have gone many months without a random IM and when I do get one I usually will ask the person if they are actually speaking to me?  Hehe.  I think the last random IM I received was in early 2017 from a horse avatar asking me where good grazing land might be in SL...  Jameson2001

I profile stalk... if I find one that has something I can start a conversation over, I might go ahead and send a message. But the thing is you never know if someone really wants random people messaging them. I really like when people state in their profile 1. If they are open to private messages from new people and 2. If they are only interested in platonic or sexual relationships. I don't like to waste anyone's time.  Nalytha

I think this is the sad part of SL that when a guy IM's a girl, it is only for sex.  Whatever happened to just chatting with someone about where they are from, complimenting them on their avatar, or asking them what is their favourite part of SL?  Conversations are fun between all different types of avatars:)  It seems to me that was not as much a problem back in the early days.

Usually, you can tell within the first two sentences if the person you are chatting with is a good conversationalist.  What amazes me is the diversity of people I have met this way and the enjoyable conversations that can be had.

If you can get a conversation going it is usually a whole lot of fun and who knows where it may lead.

Let’s take a look at how you can master your people skills to start conversations with anyone, anywhere, anytime in Second Life.


How can you make dazzling conversation with anyone you meet? There is both an art and a science of effective communication.

1. Be Anti-Boring
Everyone starts off conversations the same way. They say, “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?” Instead, ask someone, “What passion projects are you working on?” or “What gets you up in the morning?”

2. Start off Strong
Start off the conversation with a “how” or “why” question. People will give you more thoughtful answers and really think about why you’re asking them. Say, for instance, “How did you find this venue?” That way you’ll learn about the person you’re talking to, as well as possible other places for finding events.

3. Exploration and Adventures
Ask people if they have explored any interesting sims or have had any fun adventures in SL.

4. Foster Excitement
Ask people if anything exciting happened to them that day.

5. Stories
Tell a story. People love funny anecdotes, and it makes your conversation more personal right off the bat.

6. Break it Down
Break down a question for someone. Instead of being general and saying, “How are you doing?,” ask, “How’s Fall treating you so far?” Frame it in the context of time so he or she can thoughtfully answer the question.

7. Be the Highlight
Ask a person, “Have any highlights today?” Not only is this person going to feel good because he or she gets to talk about him or herself, but it also starts off the conversation on a positive note.

8. Like-Dar
Ask a “like radar” question. This is a question that will highlight what you two have in common. For example, you might ask, “Keeping up with [certain sport] lately?” or “What are your favourite venues around here?” These questions and things in common will foster instant connections.

9. Smile
How do you smile in SL (with Bento of course)?  Be positive  People are attracted to positivity, not negativity.

10. Authenticity
Be authentic in your interactions and not sarcastic. People want to start conversations with you because you’re being real, and not facetious.

11. From the Heart
When initiating a conversation, give him or her authentic compliments from the heart.

12. Be Passionate
Add excitement to your conversations. Talk about what your passions are both in SL and RL.

The bottom line is you have to take the risk to put yourself out there when initiating a conversation.  There will be those who rebuke your attempts, it will be their loss.


“Conversation. What is it? A Mystery! It's the art of never seeming bored, of touching everything with interest, of pleasing with trifles, of being fascinating with nothing at all.” 
― Guy de Maupassant










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