Benjamin Franklin once said “In this world, nothing can be
said to be certain, except death and taxes.” While there is no evidence
that Old Ben was speaking of the Virtual World, they still apply. Let’s take a
look at the first of these two certainties:
Death.
In Real Life, death is often proceeded by illness, degrading
physical acuity…failing mobility…perhaps a period of hospice care. The signs of impending death are obvious to
all...and when it finally arrives, it comes as a real surprise to no one. But SecondLife is different. We can be at death’s door in RL, and yet…to
look at our avi…we are as vibrant as the day we incorporated the last update. Here,
life may go unchanged for weeks, months, or even years. We continue to visit the same sims, run with
the same crowd. No telltale pallor to
the skin…no slowing of movement. We can
look every bit as alive and vibrant as we want to be….until…we can’t. One who
is very ill in RL may share that knowledge with closest SL friends, but not
always. And the rest of us are left
wondering. What about those who just
disappear? Did they simply leave SL? Did they change avis and have jumpstarted
their SL with an alt? Or have they simply… passed away?
In this article we will explore the reality of Death and the
impact in a Virtual world.
Josh(Thomas1 Bellic) JB:
Have you known friends or others in SL who died in RL?
Bandor Tyrell: Kimiko
Beverly, my RL half-sister, founder of Maui Swingers Resort died of cancer
several years back. She had been sick in RL for a long time, but concealed it
from most of her friends in SL.
merry Felwitch: I have lost many friends in SL. Just last week I lost another. We were very close. There is a club in SL
called The Willows where they honor those we have lost. I had a friend who lived in my state, and we
met from time to time in RL. My friend did not want anyone to know she was ill. She passed as she lived – happily. I attended
two wakes for her – one in SL and one in RL.
We all met for her wake where I served as the DJ, playing songs I knew she loved and we all had a chance
to talk about her.
Melissa (melissa212212):
My friend and I worked together hostessing She died about 8 years ago. The owner of the
place called for a meeting and told us.
We all were very sad because she was very friendly and with a sparkling
personality. I am not aware if anyone
held a memorial service for her in SL or not.
Sometimes we can make great friends in SL but we never have the chance
to be part of their RL. Nobody who can tell us if they are ok, if they are sick
or if they have died, they just disappear for us.
Anonymous: We once
had a renter who wanted a parcel for a friend in a hospital. Her friend loved gardening so she made the
parcel very pretty with lots of colorful flowers, trees, butterflies etc. When it was ready, she taught her friend how
to use SL. She told me her friend loved it so much and she's been visiting the
SL garden anytime she can to see the flowers. It made both of them really
happy, I was genuinely happy too. It felt like I have been part of their
friendship and happiness.
JB: How did you
normally learn of the death?
Faleen Renard: For
the most part, I will be contacted and informed of a death directly by that
person's SL or RL partner - or by one of their closest friends. Otherwise,
because I have a number of DJs working with me and I also network with other
venue owners, sometimes the news of a loss will come to me via one of these
colleagues.
Anonymous: We have
land rental business so we get a lot of news like that. Usually people who are close friends here in
SL will contact us about the death. Sometimes
another person will log in on an avie to inform us about the passing of the RL
owner.
JB: How did his/her
loss affect you or others?
Faleen Renard - As in RL, learning of a death in SL can be
expected (as in the case of long-term illness) or it can be a terrible shock
(when it's a sudden passing or when no one was aware the person was ill in any
way). We hurt, we cry, we grieve the loss of our SL friends with sincere RL
emotion. I have had people be unable to return to my venue for a period of time
(or at all) because the memories and emotions are overwhelming to them and it
takes time for them to work through their loss.
Chi-Yun Kwon (kwonchiyun):
It was a devastating loss... all of her friends were stunned, shocked..
I myself was a crying mess for several days. I missed logging in and knew I'd
never again see her daily greetings. it made a huge impact on us all.
Bandor Tirrell: Kimiko’s
RL passing had a major impact on the lives of many people in SL. Now, 6 years
after her death, I hardly go a week without someone mentioning her. Her dream
has been realized, and her legacy lives on in Maui Swingers Resort. She made me believe in myself and my talents.
JB: Was there any SL
recognition of the individual’s death – memorial service, wake, placard,
special event, etc.?
Faleen Renard: When
the first death occurred within The Willows group, in January 2014, I decided
to lay a wreath for her at the venue's landing area, under the willow tree. I
was then invited to attend a memorial at her SL home, with her closest friends,
and it was held in voice chat. I came away very affected by the profound sense
of loss people had expressed and decided to leave the wreath permanently as a
sign of love and respect. With each successive passing, I added another wreath
and now that area has become a permanent memorial. It is very important to me
that every member of The Willows family is remembered by name.
Chi-yon kwon: We, her
friends, all banded together, to have a special memorial service for her... a
friend logged in her avatar to place in a casket that was purchased, so we
could have a service and say goodbye to her, as we saw her. I'm tearing up as I
write this...
Keda (mompea.texan): Years ago a very close friend of mine
passed away. Many people still keep his
group in their profile. Everyone who
does, does so as a nod of respect to the Master. Thank you for keeping his memory alive. It was nine years ago we lost him and it made
me smile to see how many still have kept this group. Dancing on always.
Bandor Tyrell: When
Kimiko passed, we held a large "funeral" for her. At the time, we were
running Game of Thrones Roleplay, so we had a huge, epic funeral with her body
carried to a large altar-like pyre, where her body was burned to ash. It was
open to the public and had a great turnout. It was an amazing memorial and all
her friends and lovers came to say goodbye. When we reopened Maui Swingers Resort, we did
it in her honor. For a time, we even put up a memorial plinth at the entrance
with her avi atop it like a statue. After that, periodically, we would log in
Kimiko's avatar to make special cameo appearances at the sim and even creating
a monument to her, by turning her avatar into a SmartBot/Greeter for the
resort, like a living statue.
ღ Ƙαƴ ღ (kay1373): We
have a special place for those who want to visit and remember the loved ones we
lost. It is private for our club members. I have lost a few really good
friends. Two close ones were Randy77 and
a hoot. WE are a bit lost, like a hole
you can’t fill... Both where amazing men and their love and laughter will
forever be missed. WE had a special
formal event with a memorial set up to leave condolences and we have a memorial
area to visit anytime outside the formal area
JB: Anything else you
would like to add?
Faleen Renard - Virtual friends, family, relationships...indeed,
our Second Lives... are real and can be significantly impacted by RL death. In
my experience, it can be a comfort and may provide much-needed closure when
there is an established way for someone (a friend, a family member...) to reach
out from RL to SL and provide confirmation. Being informed of a RL death is
difficult and sad but is infinitely better than not knowing and being left to
search and question and wonder when someone simply never returns to SL.
Chi-Yun Kwon People often forget the reality of Second
Life... while most see only pixels and avatars, they tend to overlook the fact
that there's real people here. People we connect with on a far more personal
level than they realize. Only once
they're gone do we realize just how much we miss that social interaction… and
their true friendship. People often forget the reality of Second Life.
Sevant Anatra: I lost my Father recently. Having people you
are close to inworld works as a virtual support system, especially during a
chaotic time like this pandemic. For some people, SL can be a refuge from the
heartbreak. I'm still processing it... It still feels like his death was just
yesterday. So many things in such a
short time. so many emotions. I think SL
can be helpful with all the things that can be done here, like the support of good
friends and loved ones.
There you have it, Folks.
‘Nuff said. Aloha
JB
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