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Tuesday, November 3, 2020

Golfing With the President- Stacey Cardalines Reporting...



 The SL Enquirer is in no way a political entity. The boss said "No Politics," and I agree with her. If you decide how to vote based on what an animated sportswriter tells you, you should either reassess your politics or abstain from voting altogether.


Whatever you may think of President Donald Trump, you have to admit that he campaigns hard. This includes campaigning in the virtual world. Donald Trump does indeed walk the halls of SL. Liberals and conservatives would agree that the Presidency is a stressful job, even for an avatar. Even an avatar needs to relax... but I was still very surprised when the Trump Campaign contacted me.

"Stacey Cardalines, Sports Editor for the SL Enquirer?"

"Yes?"

"This is the SL Secret Service. The President needs to relax. He has been sick, and is campaigning hard. We want for him to dial down the intensity for a few hours. The best possible thing for him would be to go golfing with a pretty reporter in an American flag swimsuit. She has to know how to golf. NO POLITICS. We've been through our entire list of people with the necessary security clearance, and you're the best we've got. Angel Manor Golf Club, 7 AM, October 30th."

"Sir, as you know, Stacey Cardalines is very progressive. However, I agree with you that the President could use an off day, and know that Stacey Cardalines is a patriot through and through... other than that born in France stuff, of course. Your terms are accepted."

Angel Manor is a lovely 6 hole golf course. It is a coastal setting, and has an ornate country club on the premises. The holes are very short (maybe 20-50 yards), but it made for good golfing. Extra effort went into a fall foliage setting, always appreciated by someone who ended up in New England in real life.

I arrived at Angel Manor well before 7, went through a near-intimate security check, and at 6:55, a giant helicopter landed and out jumped Donald and Ivanka Trump. Greetings were exchanged ("I love the SL Enquirer. Totally not fake news."), we posed for a picture and we hit the links.

We chatted, mostly about football, as we walked the course. The President was polite to me, although I never allowed him to stand directly behind me. Ivanka, who didn't golf, was there to make sure that the situation didn't devolve into a Borat 2 style scenario. We all got along well enough. Donald is a funny enough fellow, and Ivanka looks like she'd be cool to hit a mall with.

The President is a two-handicap golfer, but the two handicaps are "He carries some extra weight" and "He isn't very talented." The short hands hurt his long game several times that I observed. He does have terrific intensity, which matters in golf more than you'd think it would. He also is an outside-the-box thinker, a useful trait when sizing angles of approach to the hole in question.

But I am a superb golfer, perhaps the best female golfer on SL. I won the 2017, 2018 and 2019 Missters tournament in virtual Augusta, Georgia, and am known in several virtual country clubs as "the French Fury." I got up a few shots on the President, got a stern look from Ivanka, and then had to Act Girly (hitting the ball the wrong way, refusing to enter a sand trap, etc...) for a few holes until the score evened up.

Angel Manor, which is all set up for Autumn and would make a nice walk for non golfers, is a 6 hole course. The President is a busy man, and 6 holes is all he had time for. He shot an 11 on a Par 3 hole, but I shot a 12. 

Donald Trump may or may not win on November 3rd, but I made sure he got a win on October 30th. 





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