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Thursday, January 21, 2021

Chillin with Bernie- Interview with a CutOut


The SL Enquirer is always involved in something . Whether it be a concert, party, drama sessions. mudslinging contest or some other secretive covert operations. We sure find the strangest of things to do.

While galivanting across the grid as if in a nightmare of a never ending soap opera, we came across Bernie! He was quietly sitting by a tree at Rustica, a Medieval furniture store. He looked cold and alone so we invited him over to the Media center for a hot cup of cocoa and a chat.

SLE Lanai: What a pleasure to meet you! Any relation to Colonel Sanders? Anyway, tell us what have you been doing since you dropped out of the election especially since they gave the nomination to Biden and he is now President to the US?

Bernie Cutout: If it isn’t the infamous Lanai Jarrico!  I’m sorry to see you weren't on the pardon list for fake news and absolutely not! I’ll have you know I prefer Popeye’s Chicken! Sorry I’m quite passionate about that relative misconception. It is a very sensitive subject for me. 

SLE Lanai: BLEEP you!

SLE Orion: Lanai.. don’t even entertain that comment, everyone knows you keep it real. Soooo Bernie, may we call you that? Rumor has it that you know the best hole in the wall places to eat, something on the “cheaper” side since we know you are a rather cheap person. Not that we are judging of course. We all like to save money, especially during this pandemic. So can you tell our readers of some of those places?

Bernie Cutout: Well I really can’t say that I remember a lot of places, but then again I barely remember what I had for breakfast. But I do remember a BBQ joint that I frequented while on the campaign trail. McDonalds! The McRib has to be the best thing ever next to cotton candy on a stick. Just a friendly suggestion don’t ever McRib wearing white, it will not end up pretty.

SLE Lanai: We will keep that in mind next time we want some BBQ on a budget...Aside from that bomb outfit worn by former First Lady Michelle, I must say the fashion in the capital is just jaw dropping. She worked that outfit but you….. Wearing sock slippers for mitts really rocks the fashion world. What inspired the look?

Bernie Cutout: Wait what? These aren’t socks, how rude of you, they are the newest Croatian fashion that came from a new kind of clothing mill.. I mean low overhead costing business. 

SLE Lanai: Please accept our apologies for assuming. We couldn't help but notice the rubber skids on your palms. Perhaps those are used in case you trip on ice to prevent a face plant.

Bernie Cutout: Where is this interview going? I have very important things to do.

SLE Orion: Bernie, please, you haven’t been in the public eye in months, so stop trying to be all high and mighty you need this interview to stay relevant, who are you kidding? 

Bernie Cutout: *looks around bringing his hands up to his faced and scratching his cheeks with the padded palms of his sock gloves* Oh good lord sorry, still getting used to

 this new fashion statement. 

SLE Lanai: What kind of statement is intended? *sips her cocoa*

Bernie Cutout: Out with the old and in with the

SLE Orion: Bernie, speaking of the newly sworn in commander in chief now in office, do you have any suggestion or words of advice you would like to give him or us for that matter?

Bernie Cutout: Well first off, I would like to say congratulations to him obviously, but if I had to suggest anything to the new Commander in Chief, it would be to fund new fashions for face masks since we will be wearing them for a while and we the people still want to look good. And like I have stated before, and this goes for him also. McRib and white shirts. The two shall never come together. 

SLE Lanai: Clearly this conversation was a disaster. Thank you for your time and congratulations on the explosion of memes that have gone viral. If it wasn't for those, we would have never noticed or even wanted to take time away from the newest Netflix documentary; The History of Swear Words starring Nicholas Cage to just interview you…

Bernie Cutout: Zzzzzzz Huh? Did you say something? I have to call this interview to a halt. I really need to get these gloves off. I can't feel my fingers. Thank you and good night.


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