HOLIDAY MASCOT SERIES: Interview with The Easter Bunny 2025- Making Amends -Lanai Jarrico Reporting

I’ve gone an entire year since speaking to the Easter Bunny. He was upset about a prank gone wrong when I “accidentally” switched his shampoo with Nair and he spent the better part of the year in hiding while growing back his fur. After tracking him down at a local park,  I apologized, and he accepted. We sat down to partake in some easter grass together.  

Lanai: Hey you, I just wanted to apologize for that prank I pulled on you last year. I can’t believe the other mascots didn’t warn you. In my defense,  that was one wild mascot party. Whatever strain of grass that was passed around last year. It was potent and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Quite frankly I was high AF and it was funny at the time.

Easter Bunny: *rolls eyes* Don’t remind me. I was so pissed at you for that. I almost bombed your house with spoiled easter eggs but got chased away by that feral thing you call a cat.

Lanai: You mean my next-door neighbor? He’s not a cat, he’s a furry and I’m glad he had my back. I would have been pissed and this pranking back and forth would have escalated to the next level of friendly combat.

Easter Bunny: No worries! I don’t have the time or energy to continue with the animosity and fallout from any further drama with you Ms. Jarrico. The other mascot and I would like to form a truce. We understand the nature of your work and are willing to work with you under the conditions you stop pranking and harassing us.

Lanai: Fine. 

Easter Bunny: You are a competitive and fierce woman. You have proven that so I am glad we agree on peace. So, I assume you want to do an interview about Easter. How can I help?

Lanai: Thank you for the flowers. I appreciate it. *sparks the doobie and takes a hit, coughs and passes it* So, last year, how did the day end up going for you?

Easter Bunny:*takes a hit* Well… after searching the marketplace for a suitable bunny onesie, I was able to deliver easter baskets across the grid without shame and embarrassment. I even made a  new friend. *passes it back*

Lanai: Oh Yeah? I’m glad it all worked out and Easter went on without delay. I heard about your falling out with the Lucky Charms Leprechaun back in mascot College. Sounds like you can use a new buddy.

Easter Bunny: OMG that little imp. I got kicked off  Mascot College campus because he didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut about the little grass operation we were involved in. For the record he is the one with all the connections. I was just distributing products that he supplied.

Lanai: I see. He was a snitch and you took the downfall. Yea I got the sense he couldn’t be trusted to do a crime around.  So, Tell me about your new friend and then we can discuss your Easter plans. *Takes a hit and passes it back*

Easter Bunny:  TY.  *sparks it back up takes a hit and goes into a coughing fit*

OMG…That’s some good shit right there! Anyway,  During my Easter delivery route, I had to take a potty break. I came across a vampire crying in the alley near a local Blood bank and I was compelled to go over and talk to him. It turns out the Vampire community is in a crisis. There’s a shortage of blood and many of their drinking spots are trying to pass off cherry Kool Aid as an alternative. When I offered him a hug, he tried to bite me. He snapped back to reality when I slapped him. He apologized and offered to take me to a place where they have the best lap dancers on the grid.

Lanai: So that’s how peeps make up nowadays? So, What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

Easter Bunny: What?

Lanai: Anyway,  I meant to say. Poor Vampires. I hope they figure that out. We don’t need a biting epidemic in Second life.

Easter Bunny: I agree.  So,  this year my plans were to make my own chocolate easter bunnies with some THC infusion to go along with the Easter basket deliveries. I also wanted to set up a place where avies can go and take pictures with yours truly.

Lanai: Isn’t it kinda weird to make chocolate easter bunnies? Humans don’t go around eating people shaped candy. Why would you encourage eating bunnies?  Why not do infused lollipops or gummies? Peeps seem to enjoy those types of candies too. Also, if you want to offer pictures with the easter bunny, I’ll set up a spot at The SL Enquirer Media Center for you, You can also host the annual Easter Egg decorating contest.

Easter Bunny: Hmmmm. I never thought about it that way. I guess you’re right. I’ll see what I can come up with and that would be great!

Lanai: Easter isn’t all about candy and grass filled baskets. What else can you tell me about this holiday and how did you get involved?

Easter Bunny: Well, Bunnies symbolize fertility and new life. We also represent the beginning of spring and the promise of new beginnings.

Lanai: I get the part about rabbits being known for their prolific breeding habits so the symbol of fertility is fitting.  Did you know back in the 1920’s up until the 1960’s they used rabbits for pregnancy testing? They would inject a rabbit with a woman’s urine, kill them, and examine their ovaries. If they were enlarged, it showed that the woman was pregnant.

Easter Bunny: Well damn that's an uncomfortable fun fact. I’m glad I’m male!

Lanai: You’re welcome. I’m all about educating the public on facts that don’t make sense. Anyway,  so do you have anything else you’d like to talk about or share with our readers before you get started on Easter preps?

Easter Bunny: I just want everyone to have a Happy Easter and to remember to always read the labels to the candy you eat. I don’t want to be held responsible for anyone getting so high they do stuff like switching shampoo with nair or being so plastered they can’t remember the day and the real reason for the holiday.

Lanai: Well said.

HAPPY EASTER YA’LL

Special Thanks to DJ Mack Abbott

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HOLIDAY MASCOT SERIES:HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! Interview with a Leprechaun- Lanai Jarrico Reporting

Once again a holiday pops up and Lanai is on the assignment to locate a holiday mascot to interview. The previous mascots seem to be intimidated and go out of their way to avoid her but she always seems to get them to give in to an interview.  This year is a bit different since many of the leprechauns have been in the witness protection program. One lucky leprechaun was available and had no choice but to answer her questions.

Lanai: Ha! There you are, you little rascal! I knew I would find you stocking this grocery store with your Lucky Charms Cereal. Now that I have you cornered. Will you do an interview with me?

Lucky the Leprechaun: AHHHHhhAHHHH! *falls of the shelf*  If it isn’t the infamous Lanai… Who told you I was here? I bet it was that good for nothing Cupid. The way he was ranting at the Avatar Anonymous meeting about you, he’s the only buffoon who would cave to your demands.

Lanai: Maybe…. Maybe Not. You aren’t exactly the most popular holiday mascot in the bunch so it was easy to find you at the local Aldi’s

Lucky the Leprechaun: Why don’t you tell me how you really feel. Sheesh, the nerve of these dirty blondes. That’s why I stick to redheads…

Lanai: Look here you little imp. With all your relatives in the witness protection program, you are the only loud mouth gnome like creature I could find for this interview. If I had the choice I would have interviewed a Keebler Elf in the next aisle over.

Lucky the Leprechaun: *gasps* How dare you compare me to one of them! They make the worst cookies ever!

Lanai: Hello and you make the worst cereal ever. Have you tasted your own marshmallows? What are they made of? chalk and food coloring?

Lucky the Leprechaun: Are you kidding me! How dare you insult me in my place of employment. Now if you don’t mind I have shelves to stock!

Lanai: Listen here you wannabe elf on a shelf, don’t make me fold you like a lawn chair and mail you to the north pole. Let’s get this interview over with so I can move on to better things.

Lucky the Leprechaun: What! Oh no you didn’t! What kind of reporter are you? Going around harassing and threatening holiday mascots. You should be ashamed of yourself. Don’t you have anything better to do?

Lanai: Don’t flatter yourself and stop being so hostile. Don’t you want to be known by the SLE readers on St. Patrick's Day? It should be an honor. It may even promote that poor excuse for a breakfast cereal you so proudly endorse.

Lucky the Leprechaun: There you go again! Was that insult necessary? Why do you have to be so mean?

Lanai: Why do you have to be so difficult? All I wanted to ask is what your plans were for St. Patrick’s Day.

Lucky the Leprechaun: If you promise to leave me alone and never talk to me again.I will do this interview.

Lanai: believe me when I say.. I promise to never talk to you again or eat that cereal of yours.

Lucky the Leprechaun: I get it, you don’t like Lucky Charms. Since the price of sugar has gone up. I’m forced to find alternatives. To answer your question, my plans were to go stay in my shared room at the halfway house with my bunkie, Netflix and Chill. I have been sober for 2 years now so I really don’t see no point in celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. It’s what got me in trouble in the first place. I’m on work release right now over the repeated DUI’s on my moped.

Lanai: That explains the monitor you have on your ankle. Look, I didn’t come here to cause you more grief then you are already in. Get back to stocking those shelves. Before I go, have any idea where I can find the Easter Bunny?

Lucky the Leprechaun: As a matter of fact I do. Him and I have never seen eye to eye. Back in mascot college he got caught with a pound of Easter Grass and tried to blame it on me and we both got expelled. I have been looking to get him back! You will find him at The Ganja Farms where they have the best breedable cannabis on the grid. I heard his plan was to smuggle it out in Easter baskets.

Lanai: Thank you for snitching… I mean… helping me out.

Lucky the Leprechaun: Just keep your promise and leave me alone for good.

Happy St. Patrick's Day Ya'll!

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AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH A RECOVERING SEXBALL ADDICT- Lanai Jarrico reporting...

The best part about being a Journalist in Second Life is it’s kinda like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re going to get. While minding my business and staring at the walls of my media center, in strolls an avie who looked a bit worried and confused. I approached him like I usually do to visitors and asked if he needed any help. He began to sob and admit that he had to get something off of his chest and heard I was the perfect person to talk to about his troubled mind. We found a spot and I let him talk it out.

Interview with a Recovering Sexball Addict

Lanai: Thank you for agreeing to sit with me for this very important conversation. I know you wish to remain anonymous so I will just call you S.A.. Is that ok? So what seems to be the problem?

Ex Sexball Addict: Thats fine, yeah. Well I used to have an addiction to Sex Balls in Second Life and would do whatever I could to cure my cravings.

Lanai: Can I ask.. Since there are a variety of Sex balls in SL. Some are pretty Vanilla and others are well…beyond freaky. What are we talking about here?

Ex Sexball Addict: Oh all sorts…against walls, on beds, in hammocks….you name it!

Lanai: OK I got it… It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem and even more to express it boldly to me. Let me start by asking… When did you realize you had this serious problem?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well it all started about 12 years ago when I walked into a club and people were pixel humping about the place.  I watched for a while and got propositioned by a woman and we found an unused bed upstairs and started doing stuff on the pose balls.  I won’t go into graphic details but you can imagine the sort of kinky fun we had.  After that I started wanting more and met with this lady a few more times, but she disappeared so i had to get my fix elsewhere.

Lanai: Yea let’s not get into the graphic details. I don’t want to be responsible for your relapse. So tell me, Why did you consider yourself a sex addict when it seems everyone across the grid gets their freak on. According to the annual avie baby census. Birth rates have skyrocketed in the past 6 months. Have you fathered any children during your addiction?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well the sky rocketing has nothing to do with me (laughs).  I learned of Mama Allpa after a year and I believe I have 6 kids across the grids.  But they were all one night stands and the momma’s never wanted to hear from me again so I let them be.

Lanai: Well good thing child support isn’t enforced in Second Life or you would be screwed (no pun intended). So what was the catalyst in you realizing you had a serious sexball problem and needed help?

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) this is true.  Well the catalyst was when i started paying for sex, i would spend upwards of 10K to get my kicks and would frequent loads of sex only clubs to do so.  When i couldn’t pay my real life bills that’s when I knew something was wrong and had to stop and seek help.  

Lanai: Well damn 10k! Was that all in a day or over a span of time? 

Ex Sexball Addict: It was over a week and at several different places.  I had my favourite spots so to speak and would usually do the rounds of 2-3 clubs

Lanai: Hmm 10k over a week span tells me that you went for the low budget escorts.

Ex Sexball Addict: That’s how it started, then the prices rose, soon it was 25k a week.

Lanai: Yeah, that is a serious problem.  With the epidemic of gender imposters, do you think a few of them slipped through the cracks with you? 

Ex Sexball Addict: Oh probably, but if they presented as female, i took them as female, so to speak.  I didn’t care I just needed my jollies and i needed them THEN.  I have to admit something, I met a woman at the old SLE offices and we had pixel sex on the desk.  It was dangerous but we never got caught.  Sorry about that, but i think it might have been YOUR desk.

Lanai: FFS… Good thing we have cameras.. I just never knew who those two were… I respect your honesty though. If it makes you feel any better. It’s a good thing STDs don’t spread in Second life but I have heard of people getting severe carpal tunnel and tennis elbow from vigorous masturbation. Have you experienced that?

Ex Sexball Addict: No not really, I’m not the one that had to worry about that.  She was great though, lemme tell ya!

Lanai: I don’t even want to know if she was an employee, the camera quality was pretty gritty…. Anyway,  Perhaps it will happen later on in life… SO what have you done to break yourself of this addiction?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well I have a photograph if you need proof (laughs) Anyway I found a group in SL and they helped me immensely.  They had a 5 step programme that effectively weaned me off of poseballs and sex clubs and taught me shame, humility and a sense of respect.

Lanai: Yes! I’ve heard about that program. The furry community has really stepped up their game to help the SL community aside from doing whatever it is they do behind the scenes. Tell me more about the 5 steps. 

Ex Sexball Addict: Well there were Furries there who had the same addiction so we all helped each other overcome this nasty affliction.  Step 1 is realization, admitting you have a problem and coming to terms with it.  Step 2 is the shame, the shame it brings on you and others.  The other steps i can’t quite remember

Lanai: MMhmm. I see… Sounds like an Alcoholics Anonymous program.

Ex Sexball Addict: Well i never been to one of them so i wouldn’t know

Lanai: Well, from what I heard they really put you through it and you have to call a sponsor whenever you get the urge.  So Anyway,  now that you are recovering from your sex addiction in Second life, do you mind if I ask…..Did you remove your ummm *points at his packet*. I figure it's the first step in the program…

Ex Sexball Addict: No, I still keep it there for posterity.  That and it helps me tell the time and find water. (laughs)

Lanai: LMAO. OK then.

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) no I still have it in my inventory for that special lady when the time comes to settle down.

Lanai: Well, that brings me to my next question because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and we all know what’s on everyone's mind on that day. What are your plans?

Ex Sexball Addict: I don’t know in all honesty, I'm not looking for love in SL right now, or anything else for that matter, but who knows?  Maybe that special someone is right around the corner and we can have a lasting relationship with or without pixel humping.

Lanai: Lasting relationships in SL are a myth. You have more of a chance finding a Unicorn in a thong.  So basically you are telling me that you are practicing abstinence for the rest of your SLife?

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) That’s not the attitude they taught on the programme.  No, just til the right woman comes along.  Until then, I’m being a good boy and remembering what the programme taught me.

Lanai: Well, all I can say is I wish you the best of luck in your continued sex sobriety.

Ex Sexball Addict: Thank you, that means a lot.

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AVIE POLL: What is the funniest / Craziest experience you witnessed or had in SL?- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

 I’ve been around nearly 2 decades and have seen my fair share of some crazy sh*t in Second life. Some off the wall and others just so funny that I found myself laughing even after logging out.  Have you ever been in a situation where you witnessed something funny or crazy  in Second life and thought… If no one was there to witness it, they would never believe it. Well here are some interesting stories from across the grid.

AFK ROCKET WOMAN

About a year ago, I hung out with a close-knit group of friends who had left Second Life but returned for a spontaneous reunion. We all enjoyed having fun and being silly, often spending our time building together. One of our friends, Ruaelle, who we affectionately called "Captain of the Neverthere," had a habit of frequently running to the restroom, going to get coffee, or popping out to the store for 20 minutes to sometimes hours—often forgetting she was online, especially at the most inconvenient times. We preferred to chat using voice instead of typing because several of us are dyslexic. One day, I had just finished putting together an elaborate build when Ruaelle stood in the middle of a very high crosswalk, blocking the way for everyone. She was "AFK" again without a word. So, my friends Zoey, Kenny, and I decided to build a rocket around her out of physical prims. We were able to finish it before she returned! Just as I "launched" the rocket from that high walkway toward the bottom of the sim, she came back and we could hear her laughing all the way down. Good times!-  Cecilia

IMPROMPTU SL PORN DIRECTORS

I will not act like an innocent bystander to the antics of Second lifers doing things for a laugh so I will share one of my most memorable moments with my ride or die bestie “Darron”. If anyone remembers us from The Sims Online.. We go back even before Second life was a thing. In fact, he is to blame for my presence in Second life all those years ago with the great migration into Second life during Beta days. Well anyway…. Amongst our old friends we are notorious for doing some pretty crazy pranks on the grid whenever we have a chance to hang out.  One day we decided to purchase cameras and boom mics on SL  marketplace and go around to nude beaches and well known open sex sims to see if we can find couples going at it.  With the abundance of debauchery it was not hard to find couples… doing the deed in bushes, on the beach, in cabanas, and well… all out in the open so we pulled up maps of various locations and teleported wherever we saw 2 balls close together . We would walk right up to them and begin directing and narrating their sex scene and asking for the money shots all while Darron walked around them with the boom mic.  We got banned from one beach after being chased away and yelled at by the unsuspecting couples. We laughed so hard we were crying. Harmless fun but I’m sure it was a total mood killer for the couples trying to get their freak on…  - Abrielle

I’VE BEEN GRIEFED FOR SEX

I was griefed by an avie with a chicken on a stick asking for sex when I was a noob and was completely thrown off guard and confused at what I was seeing. I didn’t know the term griefer at the time.  - Jen

THE GOOD OL’ MAFIA RP DAYS

Back in the beginning of Second Life there were multiple Mafia Families that came from The Sims Online. There were about 12 families with about 25-40 members in each. They were always at war with each other for power. For the most part it was very interesting to be a part of. One day I remember being invited to what I thought was a concert by one particular Mafia family. Everyone was seated in a theater style setting facing a stage with a red curtain. I wasn’t sure what was going on until the curtain rose up and there was a bed , female avatar and a completely naked rival Mafia member standing on stage. Come to find out. The female had coerced the rival mafia member to come over to “ her place”  for sex. Unbeknownst to him it was a set up! As he stripped naked getting ready for some action, up went to the curtains to a full audience of mafia members  bantering and laughing. Needless to say, that poor guy shot out of there quickly!  That had to be the funniest well executed prank I had ever seen in Second Life! - -LaRayna

NEVER GO AFK  SITTING ON AN ADULT COUPLES BEACH CHAIR

I once went afk to use the bathroom and when I came back I was being humped by a Noob. Good thing I had a bikini on!  I would say this was a lesson learned. - Anonymous

ONE NIGHT STAND TOTAL EMBARRASSMENT

I was talking to this guy for about a week and he invited me over to his skybox for some alone time. We were flirting and one thing led to another and we ended up in his bed. Things were getting hot and heavy when a woman showed up right on top of us. It turned out he had a girlfriend and he got caught cheating with me in their bed!  He told me he was single! I left without even putting my clothes back on and I blocked him. How embarrassing! - Anonymous

ALWAYS CHECK IF YOUR MIC IS ON!

I was at an event and someone had their mic on but I don’t think they knew. All of a sudden I heard the loudest and  longest fart I ever heard in my life followed by an AHHHH of relief.  Everyone started laughing and trying to tell the person their Mic was on but he didn't realize until someone messaged him. I’m sure they created an ALT after that! - Josie

GENDER IMPOSTER HEARTBREAK

I was dating an avie for about a month. She seemed very nice and we had a good time together. We always had interesting conversations and went to concerts and danced.  I started to really fall for her. She never wanted to get on mic but I didn't find it strange because most avies don't use voice chat and that’s fine with me because I usually type too. We shared pics once but it was never a big deal since I wanted to respect her privacy. We got intimate for the first time after getting to know each other and while we were laying there in bliss she told me she had something she wanted to tell me. At first, I thought she was going to tell me she had a boyfriend but when she told me she was really male and wanted to experience being with a man. I was gutted. I am in no way homophobic. I have friends that are gay but the fact that he hid this information from me was very hurtful. I am a straight male and should have been told. Now I have trust issues in Second life. - Danny

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GET TO THE POLLS AND VOTE! LANAI JARRICO MAKING SL AWESOME AGAIN!

Politics and Religion are the worst conversation starters in any arena if you are not ready to knuckle up with those who do not share your views.  All it does is create drama and chaos, especially with Karens. This is a very important election year and your voice needs to be heard! As you know every vote counts unless you mail in your ballot and it ends up in a pile of ashes because entitled ignoramuses like to start fires in hopes that they make a difference. 

This year we are adding a new candidate to split the chaos right down the middle.  None other than the infamous Lanai Jarrico.  She can hold her own in Second Life with 18 years of experience dealing every f*ckery you can imagine in the virtual world when it comes to speaking her mind and bringing something different to the table.  In light of all the recent events that have been clouding the elections in particular this P. Diddy fiasco that seems to grow every day taking away from the Election Spotlight.  We are asking that no bottles of baby oil be brought to any political events within Second life. We would also like to kindly ask that anyone wishing to storm the Sl Enquirer Media Center with any insurrection rhetoric, you will be automatically given a lifetime ban and clowned hard in a griefer police report.

President Self Elect, Lanai Jarrico promises very important reforms that will enhance your Second life experience and protect the good people of this global community. She believes in the right to protect yourself. She doesn't own a gun .. yet but she holds a pen that would slice through a crowd like butter so rest assured you have a guardian in the virtual world that will serve and protect you by any virtual world storytelling means necessary.

Her first day in office she will sign executive orders on the following topics to ensure every breedable pet is safe and unharmed by anyone looking for a cheap meal.  

When it comes to the economy. To each their own.  If it's a strip pole, you get to keep all your tips! Pimps and hoes will have the same rights!

 Land Barons can continue to hike up home rental prices all they want. It’s cheaper to be a premium member and get a free Linden Home… just sayin.

For the whole month of November anyone who messages lanai Jarrico with “ I voted for you!”, will receive a FREE One Month Ad. (Limited space available.. First come first serve!)

Broke Newbies will no longer be frowned upon for begging for lindens. The SL Enquirer has job opportunities so send the broke avies to us! We  also promise free shoes. 

Next order of business will be making sure every avatar is treated with the same respect received. Lanai will practice the golden rule until the opposite party forfeits their right to be treated with respect.  There goes the Grid Wide Peace talk.

Griefers who continue to harass others and create issues for no apparent reason will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the non existent law and will receive a lifetime archived SLE police report that will tarnish their avatar name and reputation forcing them to create an ALT with the same consequences. That’s Griefer Reform!

UFOS ARE REAL, There goes your full disclosure. If you ever looked up at the sky and said WTF is that? Then you my friend… saw an unidentified flying object.

I just want to end this with a very important quote. Presidents come and go… WU TANG FOREVER B*TCHES!

VOTE FOR LANAI JARRICO FOR UNOFFICIAL PRESIDENT OF SECOND LIFE!

This message is approved by the SL Enquirer

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