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Monday, February 27, 2012

10 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong -- NemzKat Resident Reporting

I interviewed KJ Kiranov and Xyza Armistice to ask about being in a strong, committed relationship in SL is and how to keep one.






KJ Kiranov and Xyza Armistice have been together for about three years. They are an older couple in their 50's living across the world from each other. Still, they manage to make things work no matter how hard it is. They manage to balance being together and their love for charity and helping others in need. I say, that is total dedication.

Their charity work: They are involved in the Relay for Life of Second Life, Toys for Tots, and the American Cancer Society. Xyza has been involved since 2005, and KJ since 2009, and they both are still contributing today.

Now here is the interview with KJ Kiranov and Xyza Armistice of how to last in Second Life, no matter how hard it is.

NemzKat Resident: What do you think the most important part of a relationship is?
Xyza: Friendship, communication, understanding, honesty and loyalty.
KJ: Trust, and nurturing that trust as much as you can, and you have to like your partner even on their bad days.

NemzKat Resident: How do you work out disagreements with your partner?
KJ: Basically, when we do have a disagreement, I think we both take a step back, and think about things from each other’s point of view. I know myself; I like to think of what she may be going through, and why she feels that way.
Xyza: We talk it out afterwards and kiss and make up. I do admit I get a bit bossy sometimes but at the end we always compromise.

NemzKat Resident: What's your advice for couples new to Second Life dating?
KJ: Don't rush things. Really get to know the other person as deep as you can. X and I knew each other as friends for a good long while before we really got together.
Xyza: Also, both parties must form a friendship and companionship before getting together.

NemzKat Resident: Do you advice going on dates like a real life couple would?
KJ: Oh yes, dates are a necessity. She used to ask me out to places, and I was always kind of shy, so I’d say I got to do this, but I did manage to get out sometimes with Xyza
Xyza: How else cans someone can get to know each other wise?

NemzKat Resident: to last, do you have to be together in RL and SL like some people assume?
KJ: No, I live in Chicago. It does take effort on both of our parts. Even though we both speak English, there was a vast difference in interpretation.
Xyza: No I live in Australia. But it is very hard to have a long distance relationship that’s were sometimes doubts come into play.

NemzKat Resident: When you're online, must you spend every minute with your partner, or is being with other friends sometimes better?
KJ: I'd say not every minute, but yes it is important to spend time.
Xyza: As for going out with friends alone, I totally disapprove. Try and get out as a couple.




Xyza and KJ

NemzKat Resident: If couples are comfortable with it, should they somehow communicate outside of Second Life?

Kj: Yes, we call each other on the phone. At times I’ve sent things for her through mail and such.

NemzKat Resident: Do you feel it's easier to be in a strong relationship as you get older or when you are young?
Xyza: The younger generation doesn’t think. They want to have both relationship and have freedom, but those two things don’t go hand in hand at all. If one commits to be a couple, they must stay as a couple, so freedom is gone.

For these questions, some answers may repeat.

NemzKat Resident: What are dos in a relationship?
Xyza: BE Modest, HAVE dignity, BE loyal AND witty, DO Make your partner feel comfortable, DO Keep the conversation flows going, DO Laugh at their jokes, BE yourself, DO Talk about their interests also, BE a romantic, BE confident, DO Show respect.
KJ: be honest to each other above all else, get to really know the other person, indulge in the little things, respect each other, try to engage the SL world as a couple, always think from your partners view.

NemzKat Resident: What are don’ts in a relationship?
Xyza: DON'T BE unkind, rude, cheap, or impatience, DON'T steal your best friend’s man, DON'T Talk about yourself all night, DON'T Be late, DON'T Talk about an ex-relationship all night, DON'T Try to be something you are not, DON'T Show disrespect for your partner or their beliefs, DON'T Forget to thank him, DON'T Pursue sex after your partner has said no, DON'T Propose marriage or kids, DON'T Ask too many questions.
KJ: don’t go out without your partner, don’t criticize one another in front of everyone, don’t take sides against your partner, don’t get too hung up on sex, there’s more in the mind.

More Advice from Xyza: Everyone is their own individual. It is important to remember that you are just as important as the other person in the relationship. Never feel guilty for doing something for yourself. Feel proud of yourself that you are tending to yourself the way you should and need to. Love and relationships is supposed to be a happy time in your life. If you want to do something for your other, than do it. But if you feel uncomfortable about it at anytime, don’t do it. It’s that simple.

Talking is the major part of a relationship. If you have no talking then you don’t have a relationship. You should be able to be open and honest with one another. And nothing should make you feel uncomfortable. You should be able to talk freely about anything and everything at anytime.

Arguing is a natural part of a relationship, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. But if it’s to the point where you think it is out of control, and then it is, walk away. Cool down then go back and start it over again. Don't give up. If you can't seem to stop being angry, sleep on it and try again the next day.

Sex is a very important part of being together. But it is not the most important part. Don’t let it get that way. Enjoy your sex with your other as much as possible but be sure you do it because you want to, not because you think you have to.
Reactions:

3 comments:

  1. Great Interview.
    From my observation and personal experience, "Simlationships" as I like to call them, are very popular in Second Life. With many lasting between 3-6 months, I don't think one or both parties involved, take things that seriously. I have lost employees to love interests that have gone foul within months and it affects their job interest. It can be frustrating to be a friend of someone who has been hurt, or have dealt with mind games yourself. Relationships can certainly wear a person down emotional and leave then lovesick due to long distance affection and can cause doubts about the relationship. I believe when you find someone that has a mutual understanding and respect for you. It is a friendship with true meaning. If it develops into something more. I agree with Xzya and Kj's Do's and Don't. I am sure there are other love stories that are never told within Second Life. For those that are experiencing such a strong bond and long lasting relationship with no RL expectation or drama. You got it right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I appropriate your feedback.Some are better just on Second Life

      Delete
  2. Thanks for sharing. I think we just need to be honest with ourselves in what we're wanting. I like your honesty, what you have mentioned rings true and has given me some pointers to work on!

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