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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

How Important Are Your Friendships and Relationships in SL?- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...

Having high expectations is something that can be a problem if you are a person that is only into shamelessly dating in the virtual world and wanting to take friendships and relationships into real life but lack certain qualities.   Be careful what you get yourself into; perhaps the grass is balding and unkempt on the other side. If you decide to go exploring anyway, take a first aid kit.

If you value your friendships, be sure to consider some things so your expectations in Second Life are not interrupted by unnecessary awkwardness, drama and issues that can get out of control; causing you to lose friends and have bad break ups.

Engaging in Conversation
Before engaging in conversation leading to friendships, romance and self disclosure, be honest with yourself and others or reconsider your activities of getting involved in a virtual world friendship and or relationship. When investing real emotions, you run the risk of being hurt or hurting others.

Lanai sees a shrink

Deciding when to end friendships
No need to cause a scene or bicker. Be honest and let the person know why you are no longer interested in the friendship. If you choose to give them the silent treatment without making your intentions clear, be sure you are making the right choice because that person may not want your friendship anymore if you can’t be honest and let them know what they did for such a change in communication. Sometimes your perception of a friendship could be different from theirs or they might not even have a clue what they did to you to be snubbed. Your actions could backfire on you and you could lose a good friend if you cannot communicate properly with them.

Giving Chances and Being Crossed Again.
Forgiveness is a great thing if both parties apologize for a squabble and can move on without throwing past issues in each other’s faces. If the person you forgave continues to act up, a swift delete boot should do the trick. Just like Sweet Brown says, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

I’ve also had to make some tough decisions with longtime friends that get mad over petty things or assume I am a certain way without talking to me first.  Sometimes you can only take so much from them, I choose to just cut them off and keep it movin’. I can’t apologize for those decisions because removing them decreased my stress and enhanced my ability to concentrate on what I love about Second Life; being productive and enjoying the company of those that appreciate me as a friend.

Who should you surround yourself with? Do they make your Second Life worth coming back to?
Only those with good intentions, mutual respect and genuine care for each other’s feelings should be in your closest circle of friends otherwise you leave the door open for drama queens and divas to come in and disrupt your peace.  Acquaintances are what you should label those you only met once or twice and that think they know you. Trust should be earned not handed out with a simple hello or a conversation or two. Guard yourself.

Finding the Right Friends or Even Romance
Like-minded people complement each other and enhance one another’s quality of Second Life. That is my definition of a friend. However, in many cases the laws of attraction between the opposite sexes always show themselves in some form as time passes and information is disclosed about each other. Flirting can lead to romance, and using your best judgment is necessary when venturing into these muddy waters. Everyone in Second Life deserves a chance to form lasting friendships, some even need love and a significant other to share their virtual experiences with, just be careful about how far you go. Things can get deep and sometimes confusing as the line between real life and Second Life blurs. There are limitations to take into consideration such as long distance relationships and the sacrifices you will have to make, as well as being married in real life and how much of a risk you are willing to take. Ask yourself if it is really worth it. If the relationship is strictly Second Life with no intentions of real life romance, that needs to be made clear.
Circle of Friends

How Do You Treat Your Friendships? Ask Yourself These Questions….
We can all sit back and reflect on friendships that have come and gone. What were the reasons these friends made it on to your list in the first place.? How did some end?  Did they simply leave SL? Was there some drama? Did you just drifted apart? Some friends that you may not have heard from in a long time may even have passed away unexpectedly and we would never know.  Can you say that you were a good friend to them?  What about the friendships you have managed to keep for a long time? Do they share your same interests? What is it about them that makes you consider them a friend?

Friends from way back

Treating you friends with respect and showing that you care is important. Offering a shoulder or lending an ear goes a long way. A friendship is a give and take relationship, with both sides being actively attentive to the other. Maintaining friendships and practicing being a good friend will preserve them and ensure that you won’t be alone in this virtual world.

If you view your “friends” as business partners whom you would easily throw to one side for someone better qualified, someone that only does things for you, or someone you slept with once and have them on your list as a toy to play with, they are not your friends. They are your associates and acquaintances and you may be a friendless user.

In Remembrance

Dealing With a Loss in Second Life
Unfortunately, in my time here in Second Life, I’ve lost a few friends and heard of some pretty tragic circumstances.  Some to cancer, car accidents, one even committed suicide. The emotional shock of those circumstances parallels losing a friend in the real world. The only difference is, in SL, you are less likely to be able to say your last goodbye at a funeral because the person that passed may live across the country or somewhere else in the world. It is hard to explain to others what it means to have created a connection or have communicated with someone and then suddenly they are no longer there or a part of your Second Life. It is nice to know there are memorials that avies can go to for reflections and remembrance of those they have lost. That is our way of finding some peace and way to begin healing from the loss.

When Do You Give Up on a Friendship?
We all have our own reasons for ending friendships.  I treat people with the same respect I expect in return. There is no doubt that I know how to handle my business, but I also know how to keep the peace.  Sometimes there are bumps in the road, but then the bumps can be handled because there is always a solution to a problem, it is all about sorting out the options and making the best decisions.  Issues and problems that are ongoing get you nowhere.

Lanai, Persia and Lacy

Good friends
Most of the time, good friends influence and lead you to where you need to be or you take the lead and help them get to where they need to be. Again, it is give and take that benefits friendships.

Bad friends
There will always be those out there who for the own warped reasons want to cause your downfall.   I prefer sweeping these types of grapes out my path before they can bring me down.  

What matters to you?
Being in control of what you want out of your Second Life should matter to you as long as it makes you happy and is not at the expense of others.

My BFF since 2007

The best advice to keep your environment peaceful is to be positive, surround yourself with like-minded people, use manners and kindness while communicating with them. Be reminded that you are talking to a real person and not an avatar. Finally, avoid conflicts and confrontations by using mute or even logging off and evaluating why you come to Second Life. If you take this advice, you should have lasting friendships for years to come.

-Charles Kingsley.




  1. That is a beautiful article from someone who is a perfect friend. I read it and smiled knowing that the advice is coming from the heart. Congrats on a well written piece Lanai and congrats to SLE for all those beautiful years of entertaining the grid.
    Much love.


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