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Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Taking a splash at Splash Aquatics -Stacey Cardalines Reporting


If you explore SL enough, you see just about everything. You can see amazing things, like a 200-foot gorilla or a space alien, but you also see mundane things, like streams and rocks and fish. You may or may not stop to ponder things like "Who on SL has a job where he makes crayfish all day?" Well, there is someone who devotes time to such things, perhaps several someone. With that in mind, let's have a look at Splash Aquatics.

I think Splash may run a water park that I have covered before, but that is just a coincidence. Stacey Cardalines doesn't do Pay For Play. If you own a sim, have money, and want proof, just contact me at and make an offer. You can see either the ceiling or the floor of my integrity as a journalist... perhaps even both if we haggle some.

I'd go to Splash even if they weren't throwing me a little cake on the side because Splash Aquatics is really cool. They specialize in aquatic things, ranging from fish to birds to lizards to ponds. If you own a sim, want some fish and water on it, and were wondering where you'd get stuff like that, the answer is Splash Aquatics.

Splash is set up in a circular pattern, and you can run a lap around the place easily enough. They have stuff for sale, and stuff aimed more at immediate entertainment. It's not a bad business model. They sell fish and water and allow you to play in the water with the fish before you walk to the part of the sim where you buy water and fish. You get to see the goods, then purchase them if you are impressed. However, you can go to Splash without even an ounce of intent towards buying something and still have fun.

I started at the landing zone, then checked out some ducks. I like ducks. "Duck" is a cute word, even if rhymes with the F-Bomb. "Mother duck" is cute, and that also rhymes with one of the 7 Words. My immediate thought was "If I owned a home here on SL, I'd have a duck pond," a reaction which is probably what Splash was aiming for. The ducks are the pastoral, quiet ducks. I think making them like Daffy or Donald would be a copyright violation, and might lead to cartoon-like scenarios where the duck orders something from ACME and causes an explosion in your otherwise tranquil duck pond.

The next stop was a Swimming Pool area, where they showed off a few pools. The chlorine keeps the wildlife out of the pool, which is good at a sim that sells alligators and sharks. "Spend 10 grand on installation, then die in it when a Moray Eel migrates into it from the Deep Sea part." That seems unlikely, but one of the Jaws movies had the shark-eating people at Sea World, so it is indeed plausible. I think the shark also retched up Michael Caine in one of the Jaws movies, but that didn't happen at Splash and is thus some other journalist's problem.

I then got to the coolest part of the park, which is a Deep Sea section. You can see me posing in the Megalodon jaws at the entrance in one of the accompanying pictures. I'd just be an appetizer to that shark, who most likely ate giant squid and whales. I'd be a mozzarella stick or a Bloomin' Onion to that shark. That was the only pose they had, I'd have tried harder there, but it might be cute with a child or tourist avatars. They have a few exhibits, with sharks, whales, and rays. The fun part is the Underwater Tunnel, which goes into an aquarium. We took a few pics in there. They have Moray Eels, Barracuda, Whales, Nemo fish, and a whole bunch of other fish. They had something in a cave that I couldn't identify but had tentacles. It had a Lovecraftian appearance that I wished to distance myself from.

Ballsier people can use the Dive Tank, which puts you in the water with these things. You can enjoy Aquaman's basic lifestyle, minus the Superhero stuff. No scuba gear needed, I was wearing a dress. Nothing attacks you, which is a change for me, especially when I wear a dress. It's a small tank, but they have it loaded with fish and you can kill some time in there.

You can also get on the roof, which has a garden and overlooks the Fishing Lake. I snuck a shot of two random people fishing, because of reasons. Stacey doesn't Ask, no, she Takes. They didn't catch anything while I was watching them, but that happens a lot in real life with my husband, so I assume that SL Fishing is aimed that way. As the Sports and Leisure editor here since 2009 or so, I can tell you that I have been dodging an article on SL Fishing since 2009 or so. I'll get to it someday, which will be ironic because I often wait for my husband to go fishing before I play SL. I will at that point be avoiding real-life fishing to go cartoon fishing, and that sounds four kinds of strange.

From there, you can slide over to the Aquarium section. This is more where you buy aquariums more than visit them. They also sell the fish, plants, and ornaments that go into them. I didn't check, but I assume that the aquarium sizes range from "desktop" to "Sea World," but I might be wrong. They definitely have the regular, home-sized aquarium. They also have a few dozen fish that you can load into the tanks, ranging from lobsters to whales and everything in between.

From there, they get to the money-makin' part, where they sell all things that Splash. Waterfalls, sculpted ponds, rivers, fountains, volcanoes, geysers... you name it. The megalomaniac in me likes the idea of owning a river for some reason that I can't define, even for humor if someone is paying me. Some of the ponds have alligators or swans, so be forewarned. They also sell birds, like penguins, swans, and seagulls. I don't know if they have McDonald's on SL somewhere, but if they did, they should buy a few seagulls for the parking lot so you can throw fries to them.

Summer is fading away quickly, and if you try to time your SL to your RL, you might want to get working on that duck pond. Pretty soon, you can skate on that sh*t. I have to start doing Autumn articles, then Winter articles. I may need your pond for a Hockey article.


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