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Thursday, March 16, 2023

SLE MASCOT SERIES: Interview with a Leprechaun 2023-A Mascotnapping Job- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…


Mascot series. 

We met up with Larry in 2021, after an Avatar Anonymous meeting. He was kicked out for trying to attack several of the members. He’s dating a fairy stripper he met at a club named Mercedes.  Her crib gets robbed of all of Larry’s gold and now Larry is trying to find out who did it - only a handful of mascots knew about it. The Easter Bunny and Uncle Sam are prime suspects. Cupid couldn't have done it, he’s too busy trying to hook up with the CEO of SLE and paying off a few fines he racked up this past Valentine’s day. Santa is on his own shit and Baby New year ain’t got time for all that.

This year is no different than any other year when it comes to holiday mascots and their shenanigans. Since last year all but one mascot graduated from the extended NA program and went on with their lives except for one who lost a big toe in a fruit fight and relapsed. 

Sorry I cannot divulge who it was due to HIPAA laws but let's just say they won’t miss out on this year's holiday assignment. With Larry in the mascot witness protection program, I managed to get a hold of his 12th cousin three times removed on his father’s side to take over the position this year. He seems a little too tall to be a leprechaun and reminds me of Leisure Suit LarryAnyway… After a thorough background check, I decided to meet up with him at a safe location while there was still daylight to conduct an interview for the job.

Interview with Larry XII

Lanai: Thank you for meeting with me at the airport  Larry…  *waits while her bodyguard pats him down*

Larry XII: Hey there Ms. Jarrico, from what my cousin tells me you are all business. I kinda figured you’d have me frisked instead of a formal handshake.

Lanai: A lady can’t be too cautious. *smirks*

Larry XII: Understood. So why did you want to meet me? If you want to know where my cousin is, I promised him I wouldn’t tell you he’s back in Ireland starting his own Shamrock dispensary called Dublin’s Best.

Lanai: Remind me never to tell you a secret…Anyway,  I brought you here today to offer you a very important job. St Patrick’s day is right around the corner and I need you to handle some business for me. There is a large shipment coming in on March 13th and I need you to unload it from the Blake Sea Dock #13, the container is labeled LJBossB1tchSLE but it has to be at night and you have to dress like a woman. 

Larry XII: WTF? He warned me not to make a deal with you….I’d rather work for the woman who inspired “The Devil wears Prada”!

Lanai: *sighs and looks at her side muscle and nods at him*

Larry XII: OK! OK! But The number 13 is very unlucky for the Irish ya know… *cautiously steps back* what do you need me to do?

Lanai:  First, visit a couple of freebie shops and put together the most awful outfit you can muster up. Go with the Madea look. Then pick up a couple of cans of bear spray and a selfie stick..

Larry XII: Is this some kind of joke?

Lanai: *looks at him sideways* Well yeah. Now listen up…

Larry XII: Listening…

Lanai: Here’s a burner phone. When I call you I will give you the code to the lock on the cargo crate, from there you are to pull up in your minivan… grab, and go. 10 minutes tops. I will be waiting on the lower levels of the dock near a yellow van. 

Larry XII: What exactly am I grabbing? OMG, you are dragging this job out, lady

Lanai: *ignores him* Once you make it to the drop-off point with the goods, you will be rewarded handsomely. It doesn't matter what it is just know a lot of avies will benefit from it and you will be famous.

Larry XII:I am either going to regret ever meeting you or it will change my Slife. What a predicament. OK.. it’s a deal. 

To Be Continued….


MASCOT SERIES By Lanai Jarrico

Previously in February 2023….

Interview with Cupid


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