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18 Years and counting...Got SL News? Get it Published! Contact Lanai Jarrico at lanaijarrico@gmail.com
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Monday, December 11, 2023

SL Police Report: BREAKING NEWS! Santa Got Sleigh Jacked!- The SL Enquirer reporting...

 



At approximately 6:52 pm SLT on December 11th, witnesses reported Santa got knocked out cold with a pile of gifts launched by an assailant who looked strikingly similar to Lanai Jarrico. 

One witness saw a woman dressed in a full length faux fur coat, hurling profanities and saying something about the worst Tinder date ever before proceeding to launch gifts at Santa.  Another witness was scared to identify the attacker for fear of retaliation, citing, “snitches get stitches”

Cameras captured the moment the attacker leaped into Santa’s Sleigh and took off. Calls to Lanai Jarrico’s rep were immediately answered and her alibi was established. She was writing an article at the time of the attack and waiting for her Instacart order so it would not have been possible. Her rep went on to say Ms. Jarrico has a doppelganger that goes around Second Life impersonating her for tips and frequents strip clubs as a guest dancer.


 Lanai is embarrassed and offended for being accused of attacking Santa Clause and feels it will ruin her reputation. As far as accusations of stripping, she said, “It wasn’t me but if it was, stripping is a serious sport that shouldn’t be frowned upon.”. She wants to press charges for slander immediately following the arrest of the perpetrator.


One reporter managed to get a quick comment from Santa before he passed out and was rushed to the nearest Veterinary clinic by Rudolph for observation.


 Santa mumbled what the reporter made out to be “Ho Ho Ho” but after reviewing his Instagram live recording, it turned out that he really cried out “That Hoe Ow Ow”.

Santa was treated and released for a concussion, bruises and several lumps a few hours later into the custody of his estranged wife, Mrs. Clause.




If anyone has any information regarding this atrocity, share in the comment box below



Wednesday, March 29, 2023

MASCOT SERIES TEASER: THE SHIPYARD MASCOT NAPPING- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…



It has been a couple of weeks since Lanai send Larry the Leprechaun on a mission. And somehow it ended up on the news. Avies across the grid are starting to talk after surveillance caught some very interesting and strange footage. As of yet no one can Identify the hippie prison escapee or explain the selfie stick, It was obvious the Mascotnapper used some form of a spray to attack and subdue whatever was in that shipment.   Larry the leprechaun carried out his assignment and was eager to get rewarded for the job.


To be continued April 9, 2023...



Previously...


POSTED 3/17/23

Interview with a Leprechaun 2023-A Mascotnapping Job- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

http://www.slenquirer.com/2023/03/sle-mascot-series-interview-with.html


Thursday, March 16, 2023

SLE MASCOT SERIES: Interview with a Leprechaun 2023-A Mascotnapping Job- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…





BACKSTORY:

Mascot series. 


We met up with Larry in 2021, after an Avatar Anonymous meeting. He was kicked out for trying to attack several of the members. He’s dating a fairy stripper he met at a club named Mercedes.  Her crib gets robbed of all of Larry’s gold and now Larry is trying to find out who did it - only a handful of mascots knew about it. The Easter Bunny and Uncle Sam are prime suspects. Cupid couldn't have done it, he’s too busy trying to hook up with the CEO of SLE and paying off a few fines he racked up this past Valentine’s day. Santa is on his own shit and Baby New year ain’t got time for all that.


This year is no different than any other year when it comes to holiday mascots and their shenanigans. Since last year all but one mascot graduated from the extended NA program and went on with their lives except for one who lost a big toe in a fruit fight and relapsed. 


Sorry I cannot divulge who it was due to HIPAA laws but let's just say they won’t miss out on this year's holiday assignment. With Larry in the mascot witness protection program, I managed to get a hold of his 12th cousin three times removed on his father’s side to take over the position this year. He seems a little too tall to be a leprechaun and reminds me of Leisure Suit LarryAnyway… After a thorough background check, I decided to meet up with him at a safe location while there was still daylight to conduct an interview for the job.






Interview with Larry XII




Lanai: Thank you for meeting with me at the airport  Larry…  *waits while her bodyguard pats him down*


Larry XII: Hey there Ms. Jarrico, from what my cousin tells me you are all business. I kinda figured you’d have me frisked instead of a formal handshake.


Lanai: A lady can’t be too cautious. *smirks*


Larry XII: Understood. So why did you want to meet me? If you want to know where my cousin is, I promised him I wouldn’t tell you he’s back in Ireland starting his own Shamrock dispensary called Dublin’s Best.



Lanai: Remind me never to tell you a secret…Anyway,  I brought you here today to offer you a very important job. St Patrick’s day is right around the corner and I need you to handle some business for me. There is a large shipment coming in on March 13th and I need you to unload it from the Blake Sea Dock #13, the container is labeled LJBossB1tchSLE but it has to be at night and you have to dress like a woman. 


Larry XII: WTF? He warned me not to make a deal with you….I’d rather work for the woman who inspired “The Devil wears Prada”!


Lanai: *sighs and looks at her side muscle and nods at him*


Larry XII: OK! OK! But The number 13 is very unlucky for the Irish ya know… *cautiously steps back* what do you need me to do?


Lanai:  First, visit a couple of freebie shops and put together the most awful outfit you can muster up. Go with the Madea look. Then pick up a couple of cans of bear spray and a selfie stick..


Larry XII: Is this some kind of joke?



Lanai: *looks at him sideways* Well yeah. Now listen up…


Larry XII: Listening…


Lanai: Here’s a burner phone. When I call you I will give you the code to the lock on the cargo crate, from there you are to pull up in your minivan… grab, and go. 10 minutes tops. I will be waiting on the lower levels of the dock near a yellow van. 


Larry XII: What exactly am I grabbing? OMG, you are dragging this job out, lady

Lanai: *ignores him* Once you make it to the drop-off point with the goods, you will be rewarded handsomely. It doesn't matter what it is just know a lot of avies will benefit from it and you will be famous.


Larry XII:I am either going to regret ever meeting you or it will change my Slife. What a predicament. OK.. it’s a deal. 





To Be Continued….



WHAT COULD THE SHIPMENT BE?


MASCOT SERIES By Lanai Jarrico


Previously in February 2023….

Interview with Cupid http://www.slenquirer.com/2023/02/interview-with-cupid-2023-lanai-jarrico.html

Thursday, January 5, 2023

POLICE REPORT: BREAKING NEWS! Lanai's Encounter with Karen at Starbucks leads to charges

 


January 5, 2023- Lanai Jarrico was nearly arrested for disorderly conduct, simple assault, and battery with a rolled-up newspaper outside of Starbucks. 


Karen Smithstofferson, 45 of Honeysuckle Tart Estate filed a complaint while holding an ice pack over her eye and crying hysterically late Thursday afternoon claiming Lanai Jarrico attacked her with what she thought was a steel baseball bat for no reason. Karen also claimed she simply stopped by Starbucks after an exhausting shopping trip at Costco.  She asked for her usual nonfat venti Peppermint mocha Frappuccino Blended beverage, with no vanilla, Caramel Macchiato when Karen accused Lanai of shoving her resulting in a one-sided altercation. While Lanai stood there staring at her like she was an idiot.



Karen Immediately requested to speak to the manager while calling the police on speed dial.  The barista witnessed the entire interaction and immediately asked Karen to leave the premises. As she gathered her drink and headed for the door she turned to Lanai and called her a terrible journalist and held up her middle finger until she got outside. 



According to video footage, Lanai was practicing social distancing as she waited patiently for Karen to finish her rant before stepping up to the counter to order a hot chocolate and a vanilla almond biscotti.



Witnesses say Lanai was approached outside by a seething Karen who was seen pacing back and forth mumbling nonsense.  Lanai stood there for a moment just observing until Karen stepped into her personal space causing Lanai to swing a rolled-up newspaper knocking Karen out cold on the sidewalk.  



Within minutes police arrived on the scene to investigate the situation and interviewed  both women while administering first aid to Karen. 


 It was determined that with the rash of Karenism spreading like wildfire at various Starbucks, Walmarts, Costco, Target, Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, Walgreens, Taco Bells, Hobby Lobby, and numerous Hair and Nails Salons, it was well deserved. Lanai was let go with a warning while Karen was arrested for unlawful use of 911 for a non-emergency and fined 500L for littering when she spilled her drink on her way down to the pavement. Lanai was given a lifetime supply of Starbucks for her bravery and courage as well as her own personal booth complete with fresh flowers.




*This article is for entertainment purposes only. No Karens were hurt in the making of this article, just a slight dent in the rolled-up newspaper.

Share your Karen Stories in the comment box below!

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Comedy Relief: Slut Gear on Super sale in Second Life! Come get you some- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...




Since the beginning of Second Life, self-expression has been the #1 goal for many who embark on this virtual journey. Whether people like to express themselves artistically, musically, poetically, or verbally. It has all come down to one thing. Personality. Everyone has their own and it shows in the unique ways people communicate here while collecting friends who share common interests. 


Aside from personalities, a good visual helps enhance the persona they are trying to project. Well in some cases... 


Everyone in the virtual world regardless of a bubbly personality or a lackluster introvert, the appearance of an avatar speaks volumes, it either aligns with the person’s personality or often time leaves nothing else for the imagination. Either way, is there a right or wrong? Does decorum even matter in Second Life?


That brings me to the purpose of this article. I’m boggled by some of the choices peeps make when it comes to their avatar appearance. Perhaps I’m being a Karen or I’m just being vocal where others just shake their heads and banter back and forth in IM cracking jokes about the various choices of attire and whatnot while they “people watch” at venues.



 Just like in real life, In Second Life bodies come in all shapes and sizes just like mesh clothes. Finding something that works can be a challenge but the rule of thumb is if you are unsure about a fit,  try a demo or go a size up instead of 3 sizes too small to avoid looking like a sausage in spandex with all your bits and bobs hanging out or a special shopper that frequents the local Walmart, some peeps should check the mirror (zoom in closely and pan around your avatar)  before teleporting out the door. 

                                                          

While visiting a concert, I was inspired to write about this topic in hopes it will help lead avatars in a different direction or at least give them food for thought. How we perceive ourselves is way different than how others see us. For instance, I know I’m a Goddess in both worlds but Orion and a few others seem to think I’m not. I won’t argue the fact…let’s move on, it’s not ALL about me.


The first thing I want to bring up is the 2 decades-long trend of thigh-high extra tight boots and ultra minis. Why does it seem, the majority of single ladies dancing in the clubs seem to be wearing this same uniform? I’m perplexed. Maybe it's some secret society or something. Are classy girls excluded from whatever it is they are doing? DO I even want to know? Let’s start with the ladies before I tear into the opposite sex and their choices. WHY? Just why?


I set out to find answers…



With liquid courage in hand…. I set out to interview some men on the topic of Slut Gear to see if it really turns them on or makes them secretly rethink their gender orientation.



Not trying to be biased or anything but I turned to SLE’s own Orion Baral. I literally didn’t have to say a word, I just glanced at someone in the crowd and gave him the side eye and he already knew my question.  “Call me old fashioned but elegance is sexy”, he said as he began derendering women left and right I think a few dudes got erased from his screen too.


The next person I approached was Ninjaantwoord who gives 0 fux when it comes to giving an upfront honest opinion and here’s what he had to say. “OK, just so I’m clear, panties belong under skirts when in public, same as in real life. Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule, but generally, if you don’t want to be viewed as a slut, it’s easier if you don’t dress like one.”



Luchenpur Darwin, Owner of Center Ground Gallery of Art said,  “I guess a lot is dependent on the setting.  If they are at the beach or clubs where club sexy. Be as sexy as you want to be. It is the appropriate attire for it then have at it. I think it's fine.  Most of the time though sensual and sexy dress to me still means you don't have to show it all to attract attention. And the way an outfit is cut to show some skin can still be enticing.   I don't have any advice except, to do what makes you feel good and happy about yourself.



Another male who wished to remain anonymous so we will call him “Phil” said, “well there are a few directions questioning why they do, or just shaming, or psychological why they hate their mothers and have daddy issues and dress like that” 


These men bring up good points but I really had to dig my heels in deep to find a man who actually likes scantily clad females walking around with camel toes, cleavages, and asscracks on full display. Not to mention the bounce action.


I came across a fellow that I will call “Fred” who was hanging out at the Keyhole like a roach on a wall. I could tell by his basic avatar appearance and freebie t-shirt that read “I love Tiddies” that he was only in Second Life for a “good time”.  I'm pretty sure he derendered my clothing the second he saw me, as his crosshairs were all over me when I landed. At first, he stayed silent and then said…..” no Inglés. ¿puedo tener algunos Lindens?


WTF! Moving on…


Poups Sabra; Kreatures Breeder says, to be honest, Lanai, I like women wearing sexy clothes but to me, there is a difference between showing a little bit with classy clothes and wearing gross clothes, too much does not attract me at all.  Second life is a free world so everyone can do what they like and I respect that, but my advice to these girls would be not to do too much because that will not attract the few good guys out there ... that s how I see it.”


Poups brings up a good point about the quality of men that these women are potentially missing out on dressing like that.  It’s true, not all sluts end up like Julia Robert’s character, Vivian Ward in the movie Pretty Woman


Anyway,  I decided to take it a step further with the majority of the women choosing the type of outfits that would offend the average streetwalker like Vivian, I turned to the music scene and asked a couple of musicians their thoughts on these groupies that show up at their gigs.


I asked long-time musician and friend Dallas Winslet his thoughts on slut gear at his concerts and he had this to say,  “actually I am glad they come but I never really see what they r wearing, but I really don't mind what they wear. I am really too busy concentrating on what I am doing.”


That makes sense but I had to ask him when he is out and about does it attract his attention.


“Well, I am a man and I love women but I don't go looking to see what they r wearing”


Fair enough.



The next musician I accosted for input  was the one and only Icecremn Merlin who was glad to share some insight. 


“LOL.....My fans are mostly older 40 plus and are there because I don't play what other players play so most dress properly. Those who dress sultry or slutty are always welcome, but I think it's silly. The part I don't get is why they hit on me.  I mean really....cartoon sex?..... Come on. But...I have seen some avatars in here and I'm amazed at how good they look...and those are the ones that dress appropriately.”


I think Icecremn is on to something extraordinary here... Appropriately dressed women are actually sexier.


Upon gathering some insight from men in Second Life the only conclusion I can come up with is the old-fashioned saying “to each their own”. Everyone has the right to wear what they want to wear and act like they want to act just so long as it is not infringing on others or cause harm to another person. Self-degradation is also a choice one must live with if it is a choice they are willing to accept. Women practicing the slut gear culture can’t be surprised when they are treated with the type of respect or lack thereof based on the “uniform” they wear. Just like a clown cannot complain about not being taken seriously.




This article is for entertainment purposes only.






Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Ukraine vs Russia, Settled The Old Fashioned Way - Stacey Cardalines Reporting

 


"You can't do that, it is an act of depravity!"


"'Controversy creates cash.'"


You are a fly on the wall at a meeting of Show Managers for Divas Wrestling sim. In the interest of full disclosure, this reporter is a "Spokesmodel" at this sim. One of the managers, who may be a Spokesmodel with a newspaper job on the side, is proposing a particularly brutal main event for one of the Divas shows. Before we go further, we must explain a few things about wrestling on SL.

There are two kinds of SL wrestling. One is done with a hud, and is a sport/game. Two wrestlers use a hud to have an actual competition against each other. The Virtual Wrestling Alliance, who advertise with this paper, are this sort of league. While they may use some sort of plot contrivance, they are selling the sport more than the spectacle. I do not know if the wrestlers are paid by the league, paid by tips from the audience at shows, or not paid at all.

The other sort of wrestling is poseball wrestling, which is more of a Performance Art. The matches, while not fixed, are contrived, and the opponents cooperate rather than compete. There is a heavy emphasis on personality, conflict, good/bad girls and just making a scene. The wrestlers live off the tip money from the crowd, so whatever they do to draw attention to themselves is fair game. Divas Wrestling is this sort of wrestling.

Pro Wrestling in general is a sketchy business. Her roots lay in barnstorming carnival shows, the anything-that-draws-attention motif was in full effect as far back as when Grover Cleveland was the President and elements of it stretch back to the Dark Ages. When your show is two people fighting, you don't really need to waste as much money/time/effort on developing scripts or hiring gifted writers. You can be very ham-handed with the presentation.



Thusly, wrestling tends to have broad, easily understood storylines. The dastardly Mean Girl is fighting the adorable All American girl, stuff like that. Wrestlers can be cowboys, European royalty, cheerleaders, bikers, musclemen, axe murderers, surfers, college boys, cannibals, karate guys, etc... pretty much anything that can be painted with a broad stroke and understood by children.

One easy way to perform this task is the Ripped From The Headlines motif, where your storyline reflects some current news event. This motif is good because FOX or CNN or NBC News do the backstory for you, all you need to do after is provide the militia guy or the evil comic book heroine ripoff and your story pretty much writes itself. 

With that in mind, it was almost inevitable that, at some point in 2022, this (see below) meeting among wrestling show producers was going to happen:


"We need a main event that gets people riled up."

"I have one."

"Do tell..."

"It's ripped from the headlines."

"Aren't they all?"

"We get a Russian girl and a Ukrainian girl to fight."

"Huh?"

"It'll rule."

"You can't do that, it is an act of depravity."

"Controversy creates cash."

"Thousands of people are dying over there, we can't make light of it."

"The crowd will love it."

"Where would you even FIND a girl from Russia or the Ukraine?"

"I have a Ukraine t-shirt and shorts."

"You're French."

"Close enough."

"Where do you plan to get the Russian?"

"My friend Courtney, she does some model work for me with the SL Enquirer."

"She's from the Ukraine?"

"Gloucester, Massachusetts, USA."

(pause)

"We'll get her a Soviet Union gymnast outfit I saw at a store."

(second pause)

"She's blonde... she'll look Slavic."

"The idea that someone might be offended by this never popped into your head."

"I have a filter which blocks things like that."

"This idea has been terminated with extreme prejudice."



The road to the castle gates is not always the high road, and one has to step on a lot of nice people as they claw their way to the top. The person proposing the fight wasn't a monster. She was just ahead of the curve.


Tuesday, April 5, 2022

The Red Pug Pub presents Live Singer Icecremn Merlin - Rock / Blues -Wednesdays 4-5 pm SLT

 


Come see our newest attraction - LIVE SINGER MUSICIAN Icecremn Merlin... he will entertain you with his awesome talent! Every Wednesday from 4-5pm SLT

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT

Monday, March 28, 2022

We Know have OPEN MIC ! At The Red Pug Pub Comedy and Live Entertainment!

 


We are a new Venue!! we have a Dance Hall and a warm cozy Pub. We have OPEN MIC now 3 times a week and even more to come. Live music, live comedy, and more!!!

Comedy - Live singers - Live bands and now OPEN MIC! LIVE ENTERTAINMENT SLURL - http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Heart/28/198/3005 FACEBOOK - https://www.facebook.com/TheRedPugPub CALENDAR - https://calendar.google.com/calendar/u/2?cid=dGhlcmVkcHVncHViQGdtYWlsLmNvbQ FLICKR - https://www.flickr.com/photos/194842098@N04/ Job Application - https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1sQ9VuZkKuaVA9o6IXBAZUq8JnVobpf9JTmwLqu7Cwb8 WebSite - https://the-red-pug-pub-comedy-and-live-entertainment.webnode.page/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCG-OyV1ha1YLDPsi-EY0Iyw

Wednesday, March 9, 2022

Entitled blonde porn star meets The SL Enquirer and it ends with a slew of charges


On March 9, 2022, at approximately 6:45 pm SLT, SLE was contacted by Paaulachco Babii aka Jigglie Juggs Velvet asking for a face-to-face meeting with Lanai Jarrico when she realized she was the CEO. Aside from being a fangirl, she is also a low budget blonde porn star from the Crack Den and paid SLE a visit dressed in what can only be described as a freebie store bikini trying to explain what she wanted but her body seemed to be possessed by alien jazz hands until we helped her with a preference settings exorcism.


Upon freeing her from those demons, she requested an interview because it was her 15th rezday. When Jiggli was asked “What would our readers get out of the interview?” her responses would always shy away from the answer and she would jump around topics as she was avoiding the questions believing she didn’t know the answer herself. 


Ms. Juggs finally responded with “that is the writer’s job”, It became clear that she believed her mere existence was important enough to warrant a full interview for FREE at that. When her request was declined it took a turn for the worst and “Karen” came out in all her glory.


18:33] Lanai Jarrico: please don’t waste our time Jiggli

[18:33] Orion Baral: goodbye

[18:33]  Jiggli Juggs Velvet (paulachco.babii): I’m sorry?

[18:33] Lanai Jarrico: Thank you for apologizing.

[18:33] Orion Baral: I don't believe we wish to, have a good evening.

[18:34]  Jiggli Juggs Velvet (paulachco.babii): i don’t understand your poor attitude.  obviously, you get away with it to others.

[18:34]  Jiggli Juggs Velvet (paulachco.babii): take care and best of luck in your future endenvors

[18:34] Lanai Jarrico: k bye.


At this point, Ms. Juggs made her exit and sent Lanai Jarrico an IM to continue her entitled ramble.


[18:36] Jiggli Juggs Velvet (paulachco.babii): I would never pay anyone or any publication to interview me.

[18:37] Lanai Jarrico: continue to seek freebies and you will get what you don’t pay for. You can unfriend me now thank you.

[18:37] Jiggli Juggs Velvet (paulachco.babii): Actually, I thought I was doing the two of you a favor.  And it was spontaneous.  What is of interest is the mystery of me.

[18:37] Lanai Jarrico: leaving did us a favor.

[18:37] Lanai Jarrico: k bye.

[18:37] Jiggli Juggs Velvet (paulachco.babii): you have a bad attitude.  I don't do your work for you.  Your manager is a jackwagon and you, my dear, are the same. take care ♥

[18:38] Lanai Jarrico: coming from an avie who walks around in a bikini and wants to be interviewed with no real reason lol

[18:39] Jiggli Juggs Velvet (paulachco.babii): coming from a lackluster beat reporter who asks a public person to "fill in " the topic and theme.

[18:39] Lanai Jarrico: yawns *plucks you away*

[18:55] Second Life: You have blocked this Resident. 


Jiggli Juggs Velvet (paulachco.babii) is being charged with failing to register as an SL sex worker with a Trojan virus, not returning her blockbuster videos, and engaging in 12 1/2 counts of anal cybersex with residents of Alabama, Georgia, and Florida, and 22 counts of engaging in oral cybersex with residents from Kansas, Massachusetts and Rhode Island where it is technically illegal.  A warrant is out for her arrest.


If you or anyone you know is a victim of this SL criminal please don’t hesitate to leave your comments below.


Friday, March 4, 2022

Triple Nighter!! 3 Live Singers!!! At the Red Pug Pub.

 


We have 3 Live singers Sunday night!!!! At the New location on the Heart Sim!!! We have live comedy, live music, live singers and bands, Soon will have poetry and storytelling!!! Tuesdays we have live music at 5pm slt and it is bawdy and fun. Saturday we have Live Rock and Roll at 5pm slt and Sunday is 3 hours of great music from 4-7pm slt. Every Week. we are adding more shows.. See our calendar for our Acts and Comedy routines! Come on down to The Red Pug.. Stores for shopping and the old pub feel!

SLURL - http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Heart/28/198/3005 FACEBOOK - https://www.facebook.com/TheRedPugPub CALENDAR - https://calendar.google.com/calendar/u/2?cid=dGhlcmVkcHVncHViQGdtYWlsLmNvbQ FLICKR - https://www.flickr.com/photos/194842098@N04/ Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCG-OyV1ha1YLDPsi-EY0Iyw DISCORD - https://discord.gg/rGHm5Xcd Application - https://forms.gle/ktjk7JDfH54DsSBb8

 
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