SLE Ticker

18 Years and counting...Got SL News? Get it Published! Contact Lanai Jarrico at

Monday, August 9, 2010

SPORTS & LEISURE- SFL DRAFT: Stacey Cardalines Reporting...

SPORTS & LEISURE- SFL DRAFT: Stacey Cardalines Reporting...
#1 overall pick Adrenaline Auster, of the Polano Chargers...
The first two rounds of the SFL Draft were held last night at the SFL Headquarters.

The draft was SL big time. Carlito and I were not the only reporters there, nor was SLE the only media represented. They had a stage, an owners area, and a press area. Players were shuttled back to talk to the press after they were drafted. Very organized.
My mock draft was good, amazingly so. My number 2 overall pick ended up going first, and I had guessed 13 of the 23 first round picks (although not which team took them, granted)... not bad for someone who basically sat in the bleachers in a short dress.
Several teams passed on drafting. Maybe they had IRL stuff to do. I know I had to do some marital gymnastics when telling my husband that I was going to ignore him for 4 hours so I could basically cover a Madden draft. Fortunately, the Red Sox were playing the Yankees, so I got out of it for beer and pizza. Unfortunately, the Yankers won.
I'll let Carlito analyze the draft- he had some good observations while we were talking during the 4 hour event, while I spent the last three hours looking for cocaine. I'll just tell you who went where.
1) Polano Chargers- Adrenaline Auster RB/LB, Nevada
Double A was a trainer, and my logic regarding drafting the trainers proved sound. Horse Zulaman, my mock's first overall pick and a trainer, was snatched up in free agency before the draft.
2- Kurri Redskins Every Slighsot OL, Florida
I was yapping with him some after the draft. I still think that anyone with his name should be a quarterback.
3- Hurricane Raiders. DE Al Penucca, Brooklyn NY
We spoke to Al at some length after the draft, and may run an interview column with him. Nice guy. He was kind enough not to laugh when I tried to put on a Raiders shirt someone gave me and I lagged into a minute of public toplessness. I plan to gain all 32 team jerseys before the season is done. I already have one, and two team motorcycles. Beauty hath charms, friends...
4- Mogul Jets.. WR Ksh Endrizzi, Oregon State
This guy is so mean, he'll knock a vowel out of your first name. In fact... he's so mean... he knocked a vowel out of his OWN first name.
5) Valhalla Packers... DE JP Carston, Penn
I feel that Valhalla should have traded a pick to get the Vikings name, but I was a History major for a while.
6- Rams Pass
7) Comanche Nation Chiefs, MasterCarnal Abbott, QB Canada
First, casino gambling. Now, Foxwoods isn't enough for the native Americans. They now own a football team. Maybe time to change the mascot name, non?
8) Heartland Cardinals pass
9) Wicked Texans, OL John John Taurus, France
"John-John bring the phenomena..." You can count on Stacey from Rouen interviewing the French first-rounder at some point. This dude's a giant... even the other players were like "Damn... he's huge."
10) Blues Eagles, WR Hunter Halostar, Michigan
I hope they let him punt. Please, God... I don't ask for much!
11) Azure Falcons, RB Harijunken Solo, Johns Hopkins
If they didn't have a college listed, I made one up for them. If you see Ivy League or one of the Seven Sisters, it's generally me making up a college for the man.
12) Twisted Vikings, TE Tristan "Nasty" Mayo, Cal
When you're name is Mayo, you really don't need a nickname... unless, of course, you're Nasty.
13) Dolphins, pass
14) Seahwaks, pass
15) DJB Cowboys, LB Maynard McAuley, Kansas
He objected to my calling him M+M until I explained it off as a byproduct of my drug use. He came to see things my way eventually, as men usually do.
16) VK Kustoms 49ers, QB Tyce Pinazzo, New Jersey
I don't know what VK Kustoms makes (I assume motorcycles), but I would insist on getting one of them before signing.
17) Bewitched Jaguars, pass... I offered my services to the Jags as a draft consultant... sort of a Melanie Kiper Jr. They passed on THAT, too.
18) Sin City Panthers, LB Darkheart Heartsdale, Purdue
Going from Indiana to Sin City should be so entertaining, it won't matter how he plays.
19) Onyx Bills, WR DJames Janus, Georgia
Pronounced "Dee-jam-ess jan-us," at least by the emcee.
20) Galaxy Steelers, WR Deezy Aftermath, Indiana
My pre-draft research tells us that Deezy is half American, half Thai. He is also one of the few guys who I guessed his position right. That last sentence I wrote is how I sounded for about 5 years as I learned English, but it fits the story here.
21) Broncos pass
22) Ravens pass
23) 777 Buccaneers, RB Nick Hamaski, Washington State
I was hanging out at the 777 Club before the draft. I got a SWEET Bucs motorcycle for my troubles. Between the SFL and covering motorcycle sims in the past, I have more choppers than a great white shark.
24) Bourbon Street Saints, RB Xclashy Bulmer
Getting Xclashy to run the ball for the Saints almost makes up for Katrina and BP.... almost.
25) Frank's Place Lions, C Randy Radmussen, New Jersey
I like to think that Frank's Place is a small tavern where 6-10 locals sit and watch the game, but you don't get to own an SFL franchise running some corner pub.
26) BOSL Browns, LB Beast Theas, Brooklyn NY
"BOSL" stands for "Browns Owe Stacey Lindens," as I was the prettiest girl at the draft. Ok... prettiest girl in the press section at the draft. Grrr.. ok, prettiest girl on MY SIDE of the press section. Still....
27) Blue Town Titans, pass
They blue the first round... snickers
28) Lions Den Patriots, RB Carnage Ghost, Virginia
Carnage Ghost mostly hangs around the old Manassass battlefield, living up to his name.
29) Diamond City Giants, TE Garner Walker, USA
I can't initialize Diamond City, as everyone will then think I'm talking about Washington.
30) Colts, QB Giovanni Gisaku, Miami
If the fascists won World War II, this would be a popular baby name.
31) Talamasca Bengals, LB Rhino Redstar, Texas
If SLE bought a team (and we considered it), I would have done the drafting for Lanai. I would also turn Girl and draft by cuteness and the coolness of the name. Rhino wouldn't have made it out of the first round if I were in a war room, I'll tell you that.
32) Bears, pass
First round... nearly 2 hours. I watched 8 hours of draft for AOL frquently when I wrote for them, so I was equipped.
round two
34) Bengals, DL Michael Redyard, Houston
"There's a Redyard over yonder....that's where my baby stay...."
35) Colts, Juelz Toxx, WR, UNC
I don't know how this guy fell out of the first round, because he looks like he could rip down the Sears Tower if it was blocking his view or something.
36) Giants, WR Champ Thurman, Philadelphia
If the Giants win it all, this guy has the perfect name...although there's a Champ Bailey in the NFL, and he has never won ditka.
37) Patriots, QB Markesie Warden, USA
Even though they aren't from New England here and the Raiders/Bucs have been very nice to me, I'm rooting for the Pats in the SFL. I live on Cape Cod, whattya want??
38) Titans, Talk Bungee, USA
He'd have gone higher in the draft, but he suddenly snaps backwards if he runs more than 40 yards.
39) Browns, RB Damion Vyper, USA
The Browns now have the devil to pay. "He's a bulldozer...with a wrecking ball on each hand!"
40) Lions, RB Bryce Thexton, Harvard
"Bryce" is a good Harvard name, non?
41) Saints, LB Rod Hennessy, Oxford
A lucrative malt liquor endorsement campaign awaits this man if the SFL hits big.
42) Bucs, WR Cutthroat Kingmaker, Florida
Another guy I would have drafted-sight unseen- on name value alone.
43) Ravens pass
44) Broncos pass
45) Steelers, WR Sasha Silversleeve, Georgia
Georgia was well represented in this draft, as was Brooklyn.
46) Bills, OL Maras Lane, Vasser
Maras... don't get ofended by me sending you to Vasser... you'd have been swimmin' in women if you went there.
47) Panthers, pass
48) Jaguars, WR Aeryn Kidd, USA
Give him a #47 jersey, and he's AK-47.
49) 49ers, RB iSavage Eyre, Smith
SOMEONE was going to my alma mater... may as well be the Savage.
50) Cowboys, WR Roby Earnshaw, Indiana
Leave the middle B out of Robby to stand for "Blistering speed."
51) Seahwaks pass
52) Dolphins pass
53) Vikings, OL Orbit Sharpshire, Utah
He's named that because he's so big. You don't run around him, you Orbit him.
55) Falcons, pass
56) Eagles, QB Trent Azaleee, Yale
Little known fact: Mr. Magoo was a Rutgers grad, and often carried a pennant saying, "Beat Yale."
57) Texans pass
58) Cardinals, pass
59) Chiefs, Datrip Blackbart
They told us not to talk during the draft, but I had to yell "DA TRIP" when this guy got a team. They were gonna kick me out, but there were only like 6 picks left.
60) Rams, pass
61) Packers, WR Jason Vapenzi, Tufts
Tufts guys are handy to have around if one of the players gets a toothache.
62) Jets, P Pimp Castaigende, le Sorbonne
You can count on me interviewing this man.
63) Raiders, QB JT Hatchuck, Delaware
Another little known animated fact: Superman's home of Metropolis is generally considered to be in Delaware. Gotham City is across the bay from it, in New Jersey.
64) Redskins, RB Byron Saxondale, Utah
Lord Byron should run amok for the 'Skins.
65) Chargers, RB Price Veyjatstar, NY
pronounced... ah, never mind.


Post a Comment

Comments will be reviewed and posted within 24 hours. Please note any abusive content or outside promotional links may not be approved.