SLE Ticker

18 Years and counting...Got SL News? Get it Published! Contact Lanai Jarrico at

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Real Music of Life with Aspergers - Interview with Jessi Shadowhawk -Orchids Reports…

A Heart's Cry

Eyes full of tears
That brings me falling
To my knees
Reaching out for help.

Screaming out words
That falls silent
In the dead of light
That sounds absurd.

Following paths
To Unknown ways
Full of mystery wraths
That shakes my display.

Rising up from the ashes
To the morning sun that awaits,
Shining brightly down on my lashes
That hides my beautiful eyes.

Copyright by: Jessi Smith

Orchids: Who is Jessi Shadowhawk (koyko.calamity)? What is the inspiration behind koyko calamity?

Jessi: I'm a person who loves life. I'm a person who just wants to be herself in a world who just wants to be understood for who she is. Koyko Calamity means Calm Peaceful Music Child in Chinese.

Orchids: Who is Jessi Smith?

Jessi: I'm a psychology major. I graduated from Andrew College in 2012 with my A.S. in Psychology. I would love to help young kids and parents with their child's beginning of life phases in school. I'm an undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome Student.

My Life Up Until Now…(excerpt)
“When I was born my mother loved me instantly. I was 2.5 weeks premature. I was about two or three months old when I got to go home. My mom told Dr. Web that there was something wrong with my eyes. He sort of ignored my mother and said that my eyes where just those big beautiful eyes in all normal babies. This is when my mom saw the first signs of something wrong.
...My mom went home with me and at age nine months I stopped breathing and my mom shook me to get me to breathe again. I was placed on heart monitor until I was two. They never found out what was wrong with me.
…Also at age one my mother and father divorced. It was just my mom going to raise me now. At age 2.5 I was babbling. I wasn't really talking. I was saying things like "Bankie Peas." My mom had me at work one day and I said that and the speech-therapist that she worked with at the time had heard me. She asked my mom, "Did you understand her?" My mom shook her head yes and gave me what I wanted. I ran off and the speech-therapist, Mrs. Tricia, said bring her to the school and let me test her. So the next week my mom did. I was diagnosed with weak mouth muscles, a high pallet, articulation disorder, and a resonance disorder. A resonance disorder usually is a tell tell sign of Autism. No one thought about it, just my voice being me.
…At age 5, I got glasses and I went to a new school and got a new speech teacher. I refused to work with her. My mom didn't realize that this was a sign of autism at the time, just thought I was being a normal kid and being stubborn.  
…I went to grade one and I had lost four family members in 2 months time each was 2 weeks apart from the next. My grandpa was one of them. My grandpa dying was devastating for me and my family. My mom said I went into sort of like a daze.
…I got into 4th grade and my teacher Ms. Spencer helped me start reading by giving me a Harry Potter Book. I started reading it and my mom said I couldn't put it down and when I didn't know a word I would ask what it was and what it meant. I was starting to read for the first time. In 5th grade, my last year at this school. I had noticed. I was different.
…I went to Middle School. My mom tried one resort to get my attitude and behavior to settle. They put me in Band.  My mom immediately noticed a change. I was more responsive to life, I had settled, and my behavior had immensely started turning around. When I went into seventh grade, I was the first person in my band class to put my flute together, learn all twelve scales, and had all the plugs out of the keys.
…At end of that year for my birthday I got a new instrument. A Piccolo! I practiced all summer teaching myself how to play it. My mom watched in amazement as she saw I was deeply immersed in music. My mom realized now that this was a sign of autism. Getting immersed into something and having that strong natural talent for it.
…College is one of the hardest years. I think. I noticed I was different so much. It didn't bother me though. Most people accepted me for who I am and I even went to school with another autistic boy who had Asperger's!
 … Its hard to believe I'm in school doing exactly what I said I wanted to do when I was in preschool go for my doctorates. In what though? Psychology! I want to be a Doctorate of School Psychology. I want to help the children who do not get diagnosed which happens to be 1 out 50 children each year.”

Orchids: How did you enter SL?

Jessi: I entered SL in 2009 after my Senior Year Graduation getting ready for college in the Fall.

Orchids: Do virtual worlds help people with autism?

Jessi: Yes it does. It helps gives awareness and most of all helps us develop our social skills with over people.

Orchids: Autism and Asperger’s.... How are they  the same and how are they different?

Jessi: Autism and Asperger's are the same because they fall under the same category which is Pervasive Developmental Disorder. They are different because Autism can be severe where Asperger's are High Functioning.

Autism Spectrum Disorders
  • Autistic Disorder
  • Asperger's Disorder
  • Childhood Disintergrative Disorder
  • Rett's Disorder
  • Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified

The Ribbon:

Orchids: What are the forms of autism in SL that you have come across?

Jessi: I have run across many many people with Asperger’s and one or two with autism. I have also found that there are a few PDD-NOS people in SL.

Orchids: What keeps you going?

Jessi: Poetry and Music is what makes me fight

In RL:


The poem in the beginning is one of the most recent poems I've written for my uncle who had passed away in December due to cancer…

Orchids: Why do you hide such a gift! You could perform in SL/RL?

Jessi: I hide it because I'm very shy person. It goes with the autism… being shy and hiding something is what I do as an autistic. Lol

Orchids: You have a store in SL... When, why and what was the inspiration?
Jessi: Just recently, about July 10th. Well, my petite avie is my inspiration. I love making petite clothes. I took a class my senior high school year and made a 105/A in the class; so, I just continued it in SL.

Orchids: Your experiences in SL …

Jessi: I have four friends and two of them I have known since I came into SL. One of them I met my second day in SL. She taught me how to build and gave me a home in SL and she was the first person I actually opened up to because I was a shy person coming into SL.
The second person I met about my third month and it was another person that my first friend had brought to her sim on my second friend's second day in SL. She helped her with the same and she was the next person I opened up to.
My third and fourth friends are my SL moms. I love her very much she helps me with everything I go through even with stuff in RL. She helps me by giving me encouragement. They both do this for me every time they are on and they are very fun people.

Orchids: What is the most common age group you have had problems to deal with?

Jessi: My Age. Which is from 20-28. They are the hardest to deal with because I'm socially unacceptable to them. I have found a rare few instances where I have made friends with them such as at school and here in SL.

Orchids: Have you seen incidents where an Avi was harassed because of his/her autism?

Jessi: Yes, once but it was dissolved in less than a day because I told the sim owner.

Orchids: Has anything surprised you ?

Jessi: Yes. The lack of knowledge that public has about people with autism.

Orchids: What mistakes have you made?

Jessi: Calling someone stupid because of what they did at a sim.

Orchids: What have you learned?

Jessi: I learned not to say that anyone is stupid because in reality no one is stupid.

Orchids: Have you felt overwhelmed anytime?

Jessi: Yes. I'm very overwhelmed with real life. I feel like when I'm at school I can't do a foreign language because of the struggles I have as it is with my own language. I have panic attacks too with anything almost.

Orchids: The Inspiration for making your own group?

Jessi: The inspiration of making my own group was because I wanted to reach out and help others with my disability. I know I'm not a mental health professional yet but soon I will be, I'm slowly working on that. I wanted to reach out to people and let them know that there are other people who are going through the same thing.

Orchids: What is your message to ones with autism?

Jessi: I would like to tell others who have autism or know of someone that does have autism, Don't Lose Hope. My family didn't know I had autism until I was 22 years old and I'm only 23. We only found out because a therapist picked it up but I knew since I was 21 that I had it. I love my life though and if you don't lose hope, you can do anything even someone like me can go to college and make a living for themselves.

Orchids: A Bridge between RL and SL for those who need help?

Jessi: Support Angels - here in SL is a group I own and lead and we support the Autistic spectrum people
This one is about me and how I deal with Asperger's. It has my ups and downs and was just recently started.

The second one is about me in a RIGOROUS Academic setting and being a learning disabled student in this school and how hard it is for me to transfer schools. It was done for a class but I do keep it up when I'm in school.


  1. Awe. :) I love it Orchids! If anyone would like to speak to me, please contact me in world. I'll be happy to answer any questions.

  2. Deep Bow. thank you for allowing me to do this with you on such a difficult aspect of life. Our only aim is, as you said, to help others be it even a single person...


Comments will be reviewed and posted within 24 hours. Please note any abusive content or outside promotional links may not be approved.