Happy St. Patrick's Day 2014 Interview with a Leprechaun ~ The SL Enquirer

Leprechauns are synonymous with St. Patrick’s Day and Irish Folklore. The word itself means pygmy or little person.

They are said to be solitary mischievous fairies that take the form of a bearded old man, usually wearing a green coat and top hat. This is the most popular description of these creatures but according to different regions of Ireland, Leprechaun appearances vary. For example, in Northern Ireland they wear red coats, white pants and a pointed hat. In other regions they have a sword or use their hat as a weapon. Legend has it they are greedy little shoemakers who like to hide their gold coins in pots at the end of a rainbow. If one is caught, they must give the captor their pot of gold. In American culture, St. Patrick’s Day is observed by drinking heavily, pub crawls, fist fights and a reason to just act like a crazy Leprechaun. Being Irish doesn’t even matter to partake in this holiday’s activities. To some, Leprechauns are considered to be alcoholic tyrants that cannot control their behavior once they are inebriated. That must be why people who observe this holiday in a drunken stupor justify their behavior once they recover from a massive hangover.

In Second Life, St Patrick’s Day is observed with clover adorned decorations, treasure hunts, parties and dressing in green. The SL Enquirer observes this holiday by searching for Leprechauns and harassing them for fun. Lanai Jarrico has some Irish in her and sees Leprechaun hunting as a sport. She goes hard at it usually after a few green beers and a buzz.

Interview with a Leprechaun

Lanai: HA! I got you, you little #@*%er! You should have known I was coming for you again this year and you didn’t even bother to find another place to hide. *drunken laugh*

Larry The Leprechaun:

Shor an’ you’ve done it again, me lass! So much smarter than we are, you be! A trusting of you I was back in April… who knew you folks had a holiday devoted to Fools? Got meself coated with honey and feathers that time, I did, no thanks to you. Took all my gold, as well and got me dumped into remedial Leprechaun School to take Dealing with Human Folk 101. Happy you should be that I’m now a graduate of the School and so happy to remake your acquaintance!

By the by, I heard all of those things you said up above about our kind, and I’d like to set the record straight. Short of stature we may be, and proud of our beards, but pygmies? And greedy? You mean because we object when Human Folk steal our hard earned gold? And, let me tell you lass, red coat or green, there isn’t a Human Folk alive who can out-drink my people. Sure and when you try, your kind get all flubberty blidgetted and even mean. Foolish waste of good liquor, I’d say.

So, what devilish misdeeds do you plan and throwing my way this year, just to harass this poor loveable soul?

Lanai: Oh stop complaining. You deserve grief after the horrible prank you did on me! It took me months to get rid of all the dirty old men you had calling me with that bogus E-Harmony profile. A party girl infatuated with way older men, indeed. My prank was mild in comparison, though I have to admit it WAS pretty creative. You looked like a greasy piece of KFC chicken running around trying to get away.

Larry the Leprechaun: pffft! Yea…and always cherishing I’ll be of the pictures you took of me in that state, then posting them all over Facebook. Not funny at all, that was. you cost me many of my friends!

Lanai: *Laughs* That’s not entirely true. So anyway…. I want three wishes and my pot of gold. You owe me some shoe money for the mess the honey made.

Larry the Leprechaun: Sure and you’ve taken all my gold from last year, but if it’s stealing you want I’m sure my cousin Dorey Clashmore could take care of you. He deserves you after stealing my woman.

Lanai: Oh yea? And where is he hiding these days?

Larry the leprechaun: He lives in the basement of Prometheus’ Fire.

The scenario picks up after a TP to Prometheus’ Fire where Prometheus greets Lanai and takes her to the basement where Dorey is bending neon tubes for Prometheus' Art Exhibit.

Prometheus: Here he is Lanai, be careful though he is crafty ... he has escaped 5 times already and I think one of the dancers next door may be pregnant from his last escape.

Lanai: That doesn’t surprise me these Leprechauns are pretty slick. Did you beat all your wishes out of him yet Prometheus?

Prometheus: oh no, I don’t want any more wishes.<<no sense doing too much foreshadowing>> I caught him, and until I use my wishes he is my servant. I have art to make, so I might as well put him to work doing the hard part!

Lanai turns her attention on Dorey

Lanai: Heeeey Dorey! How ya dooooin? It looks like Prometheus has you breaking a sweat down here.

Dorey Clashmore: OMG if it isn’t the infamous Lanai. Let me guess, Larry told you where I was? That little shayt!

Lanai: that’s right and I came to claim some wishes. Wait a minute… Why are you so tall?

Prometheus quietly leaves.

Dorey Clashmore: Me ma was American, and I get my height from her. And I can’t do anything for you until Prometheus claims his last couple of wishes. The only way for you to get yours is if he wishes for you to have them.

Lanai: Oooo. So that would give me 5 wishes then?

Dorey: errr. No, deary… first it would be one of his two wishes to wish his wishes to you, which would leave only one of his wishes left for you to wish. For you to get your three wishes, you would have to catch me after his wishes are done. Those are the rules, as they’ve been for all the long ages.

Lanai: who made up that stupid no rollover wish rule?

Dorey: Sorry that is just how it goes. And it doesn’t pay to question the ancients and their rules.

Lanai IMs Prometheus

Lanai: Hey Prom, can you come back down here?

Prometheus: *I’m on my way*

Prometheus reappears in the basement

Lanai: Welcome back Prom, Dorey is telling me that you would have to make a wish for me to take over responsibility of this clever fairy over here.

Prometheus: Sure not a problem! Hey Dorey, I wish for you to give Lanai my wishes once you have finished this work order.

Dorey: Done and done!! Both those wishes have been granted. You have no more wishes remaining.

Prometheus: Good! Now I can finally get you out of my basement. I was really getting tired of your lousy jig music and the smell of overly used Old Spice.

Dorey: Don’t hate. Stupid Human Folk...

Prometheus shakes his head and TPs back to the gallery

Lanai: So Dorey, want to hit the Blarney Stone and have a few drinks before I get all my wishes?

Dorey: You want to go to the pub and drink with me before you make wishes? For THAT, I am your captive. Don’t think the holiday mascot community didn’t hear about what happened with Cupid last month… *mischievous smiles*

Lanai: Oh good grief. So are you implying that I can’t handle my alcohol? Let’s just go…

At the Blarney Stone Irish Pub….

Lanai: Bartender I’ll have a shamrock Martini please.

Bartender: Hey Lanai welcome back. Sure thing and for you sir?

Dorey: I’ll have an Irish Ale thank you, and another for me second round in the first round.

Lanai: So Dorey…tell me a little bit about yourself. *sips her Shamrock Martini*

Dorey: Not much to tell. I’m just a big-hearted Leprechaun that takes pleasure in handing out wishes to Human Folk avies like you.

Lanai: Well than mystery man. Let me think of something good so you can do your job.

Dorey downs his first ale, sips the second

Dorey: Hey, no hurry, drink up. The wishes only get better with the alcohol!

Lanai: Oh please…

Lanai taps the bar for a second Shamrock martini

Dorey: Women, gotta love ‘em… they NEVER listen, barely think.

Lanai: Ya know… you kind of remind me of someone…I just can’t put my finger on it…

Dorey: I get even prettier with the third drink. *smiles* …..Bartender, I’ll have a Cupid’s Special, please.

Bartender comes over with more drinks

Lanai: OMG…no it can’t be….Cupid?!?

Dorey looks away quick

Dorey: Uhhh... err no… why, the very idea! ... Here, pretty lass, why don’t you have another drink?

Lanai: No, it is you!!

Dorey: I thought maybe you’d have recognized me back at Prometheus’ Fire, but I guess with all the men you see your memory CAN get kind of clouded. So. Ok. Fine, you figured me out.

Lanai: o.O…. OK I am confused. How on earth can you be a Leprechaun and Cupid at the same time? Is there a shortage of holiday mascots or something?

Dorey: Don’t worry your mind none about that, do ya want your three wishes or no? Finish your drink, you look dry.

Lanai gets all embarrassed remembering how she woke up in Cupid’s bed*

Lanai: Ok my wish is for you to forget about that night and make all the photographs we took as well as the video disappear….

Dorey: Wish one, done. What night? And to what photographs and videos might you be referring? Can’t hardly disappear something I have no memory of.

Lanai: WHAT? Oh, no fair! I wish I hadn’t asked that wish that way!!

Dorey: DONE! So you’ve wished I get rid of all the records of our night of lovemaking and forget about it all! Wonder what I did with those records? I don’t have them anymore, that’s for sure. Might want to check out Facebook or YouTube, or maybe the SL Enquirer!

Lanai: WHAAAT??? NO!!! That’s not what I meant, I meant I wished there was no trace of our ummm.... encounter at all!!

Dorey: DONE! Say, Lass, it is nice to meet you again.

Lanai: Yes, Cupid, isn’t it? Very nice to see you again, though I admit I’m a little fuzzy on how I came to be here, but the drinks are very good, aren’t they?

Dorey: Let me buy the next round, such a good time we are having. Have ya ever seen the home of a Leprechaun? I think you’d like it a lot. Oh, look! Here comes Peter Cottontail, this year’s Easter Bunny. I bet he’d love to party with us.