AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH A RECOVERING SEXBALL ADDICT- Lanai Jarrico reporting...

The best part about being a Journalist in Second Life is it’s kinda like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re going to get. While minding my business and staring at the walls of my media center, in strolls an avie who looked a bit worried and confused. I approached him like I usually do to visitors and asked if he needed any help. He began to sob and admit that he had to get something off of his chest and heard I was the perfect person to talk to about his troubled mind. We found a spot and I let him talk it out.

Interview with a Recovering Sexball Addict

Lanai: Thank you for agreeing to sit with me for this very important conversation. I know you wish to remain anonymous so I will just call you S.A.. Is that ok? So what seems to be the problem?

Ex Sexball Addict: Thats fine, yeah. Well I used to have an addiction to Sex Balls in Second Life and would do whatever I could to cure my cravings.

Lanai: Can I ask.. Since there are a variety of Sex balls in SL. Some are pretty Vanilla and others are well…beyond freaky. What are we talking about here?

Ex Sexball Addict: Oh all sorts…against walls, on beds, in hammocks….you name it!

Lanai: OK I got it… It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem and even more to express it boldly to me. Let me start by asking… When did you realize you had this serious problem?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well it all started about 12 years ago when I walked into a club and people were pixel humping about the place.  I watched for a while and got propositioned by a woman and we found an unused bed upstairs and started doing stuff on the pose balls.  I won’t go into graphic details but you can imagine the sort of kinky fun we had.  After that I started wanting more and met with this lady a few more times, but she disappeared so i had to get my fix elsewhere.

Lanai: Yea let’s not get into the graphic details. I don’t want to be responsible for your relapse. So tell me, Why did you consider yourself a sex addict when it seems everyone across the grid gets their freak on. According to the annual avie baby census. Birth rates have skyrocketed in the past 6 months. Have you fathered any children during your addiction?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well the sky rocketing has nothing to do with me (laughs).  I learned of Mama Allpa after a year and I believe I have 6 kids across the grids.  But they were all one night stands and the momma’s never wanted to hear from me again so I let them be.

Lanai: Well good thing child support isn’t enforced in Second Life or you would be screwed (no pun intended). So what was the catalyst in you realizing you had a serious sexball problem and needed help?

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) this is true.  Well the catalyst was when i started paying for sex, i would spend upwards of 10K to get my kicks and would frequent loads of sex only clubs to do so.  When i couldn’t pay my real life bills that’s when I knew something was wrong and had to stop and seek help.  

Lanai: Well damn 10k! Was that all in a day or over a span of time? 

Ex Sexball Addict: It was over a week and at several different places.  I had my favourite spots so to speak and would usually do the rounds of 2-3 clubs

Lanai: Hmm 10k over a week span tells me that you went for the low budget escorts.

Ex Sexball Addict: That’s how it started, then the prices rose, soon it was 25k a week.

Lanai: Yeah, that is a serious problem.  With the epidemic of gender imposters, do you think a few of them slipped through the cracks with you? 

Ex Sexball Addict: Oh probably, but if they presented as female, i took them as female, so to speak.  I didn’t care I just needed my jollies and i needed them THEN.  I have to admit something, I met a woman at the old SLE offices and we had pixel sex on the desk.  It was dangerous but we never got caught.  Sorry about that, but i think it might have been YOUR desk.

Lanai: FFS… Good thing we have cameras.. I just never knew who those two were… I respect your honesty though. If it makes you feel any better. It’s a good thing STDs don’t spread in Second life but I have heard of people getting severe carpal tunnel and tennis elbow from vigorous masturbation. Have you experienced that?

Ex Sexball Addict: No not really, I’m not the one that had to worry about that.  She was great though, lemme tell ya!

Lanai: I don’t even want to know if she was an employee, the camera quality was pretty gritty…. Anyway,  Perhaps it will happen later on in life… SO what have you done to break yourself of this addiction?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well I have a photograph if you need proof (laughs) Anyway I found a group in SL and they helped me immensely.  They had a 5 step programme that effectively weaned me off of poseballs and sex clubs and taught me shame, humility and a sense of respect.

Lanai: Yes! I’ve heard about that program. The furry community has really stepped up their game to help the SL community aside from doing whatever it is they do behind the scenes. Tell me more about the 5 steps. 

Ex Sexball Addict: Well there were Furries there who had the same addiction so we all helped each other overcome this nasty affliction.  Step 1 is realization, admitting you have a problem and coming to terms with it.  Step 2 is the shame, the shame it brings on you and others.  The other steps i can’t quite remember

Lanai: MMhmm. I see… Sounds like an Alcoholics Anonymous program.

Ex Sexball Addict: Well i never been to one of them so i wouldn’t know

Lanai: Well, from what I heard they really put you through it and you have to call a sponsor whenever you get the urge.  So Anyway,  now that you are recovering from your sex addiction in Second life, do you mind if I ask…..Did you remove your ummm *points at his packet*. I figure it's the first step in the program…

Ex Sexball Addict: No, I still keep it there for posterity.  That and it helps me tell the time and find water. (laughs)

Lanai: LMAO. OK then.

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) no I still have it in my inventory for that special lady when the time comes to settle down.

Lanai: Well, that brings me to my next question because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and we all know what’s on everyone's mind on that day. What are your plans?

Ex Sexball Addict: I don’t know in all honesty, I'm not looking for love in SL right now, or anything else for that matter, but who knows?  Maybe that special someone is right around the corner and we can have a lasting relationship with or without pixel humping.

Lanai: Lasting relationships in SL are a myth. You have more of a chance finding a Unicorn in a thong.  So basically you are telling me that you are practicing abstinence for the rest of your SLife?

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) That’s not the attitude they taught on the programme.  No, just til the right woman comes along.  Until then, I’m being a good boy and remembering what the programme taught me.

Lanai: Well, all I can say is I wish you the best of luck in your continued sex sobriety.

Ex Sexball Addict: Thank you, that means a lot.

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AVIE POLL: What is the funniest / Craziest experience you witnessed or had in SL?- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

 I’ve been around nearly 2 decades and have seen my fair share of some crazy sh*t in Second life. Some off the wall and others just so funny that I found myself laughing even after logging out.  Have you ever been in a situation where you witnessed something funny or crazy  in Second life and thought… If no one was there to witness it, they would never believe it. Well here are some interesting stories from across the grid.

AFK ROCKET WOMAN

About a year ago, I hung out with a close-knit group of friends who had left Second Life but returned for a spontaneous reunion. We all enjoyed having fun and being silly, often spending our time building together. One of our friends, Ruaelle, who we affectionately called "Captain of the Neverthere," had a habit of frequently running to the restroom, going to get coffee, or popping out to the store for 20 minutes to sometimes hours—often forgetting she was online, especially at the most inconvenient times. We preferred to chat using voice instead of typing because several of us are dyslexic. One day, I had just finished putting together an elaborate build when Ruaelle stood in the middle of a very high crosswalk, blocking the way for everyone. She was "AFK" again without a word. So, my friends Zoey, Kenny, and I decided to build a rocket around her out of physical prims. We were able to finish it before she returned! Just as I "launched" the rocket from that high walkway toward the bottom of the sim, she came back and we could hear her laughing all the way down. Good times!-  Cecilia

IMPROMPTU SL PORN DIRECTORS

I will not act like an innocent bystander to the antics of Second lifers doing things for a laugh so I will share one of my most memorable moments with my ride or die bestie “Darron”. If anyone remembers us from The Sims Online.. We go back even before Second life was a thing. In fact, he is to blame for my presence in Second life all those years ago with the great migration into Second life during Beta days. Well anyway…. Amongst our old friends we are notorious for doing some pretty crazy pranks on the grid whenever we have a chance to hang out.  One day we decided to purchase cameras and boom mics on SL  marketplace and go around to nude beaches and well known open sex sims to see if we can find couples going at it.  With the abundance of debauchery it was not hard to find couples… doing the deed in bushes, on the beach, in cabanas, and well… all out in the open so we pulled up maps of various locations and teleported wherever we saw 2 balls close together . We would walk right up to them and begin directing and narrating their sex scene and asking for the money shots all while Darron walked around them with the boom mic.  We got banned from one beach after being chased away and yelled at by the unsuspecting couples. We laughed so hard we were crying. Harmless fun but I’m sure it was a total mood killer for the couples trying to get their freak on…  - Abrielle

I’VE BEEN GRIEFED FOR SEX

I was griefed by an avie with a chicken on a stick asking for sex when I was a noob and was completely thrown off guard and confused at what I was seeing. I didn’t know the term griefer at the time.  - Jen

THE GOOD OL’ MAFIA RP DAYS

Back in the beginning of Second Life there were multiple Mafia Families that came from The Sims Online. There were about 12 families with about 25-40 members in each. They were always at war with each other for power. For the most part it was very interesting to be a part of. One day I remember being invited to what I thought was a concert by one particular Mafia family. Everyone was seated in a theater style setting facing a stage with a red curtain. I wasn’t sure what was going on until the curtain rose up and there was a bed , female avatar and a completely naked rival Mafia member standing on stage. Come to find out. The female had coerced the rival mafia member to come over to “ her place”  for sex. Unbeknownst to him it was a set up! As he stripped naked getting ready for some action, up went to the curtains to a full audience of mafia members  bantering and laughing. Needless to say, that poor guy shot out of there quickly!  That had to be the funniest well executed prank I had ever seen in Second Life! - -LaRayna

NEVER GO AFK  SITTING ON AN ADULT COUPLES BEACH CHAIR

I once went afk to use the bathroom and when I came back I was being humped by a Noob. Good thing I had a bikini on!  I would say this was a lesson learned. - Anonymous

ONE NIGHT STAND TOTAL EMBARRASSMENT

I was talking to this guy for about a week and he invited me over to his skybox for some alone time. We were flirting and one thing led to another and we ended up in his bed. Things were getting hot and heavy when a woman showed up right on top of us. It turned out he had a girlfriend and he got caught cheating with me in their bed!  He told me he was single! I left without even putting my clothes back on and I blocked him. How embarrassing! - Anonymous

ALWAYS CHECK IF YOUR MIC IS ON!

I was at an event and someone had their mic on but I don’t think they knew. All of a sudden I heard the loudest and  longest fart I ever heard in my life followed by an AHHHH of relief.  Everyone started laughing and trying to tell the person their Mic was on but he didn't realize until someone messaged him. I’m sure they created an ALT after that! - Josie

GENDER IMPOSTER HEARTBREAK

I was dating an avie for about a month. She seemed very nice and we had a good time together. We always had interesting conversations and went to concerts and danced.  I started to really fall for her. She never wanted to get on mic but I didn't find it strange because most avies don't use voice chat and that’s fine with me because I usually type too. We shared pics once but it was never a big deal since I wanted to respect her privacy. We got intimate for the first time after getting to know each other and while we were laying there in bliss she told me she had something she wanted to tell me. At first, I thought she was going to tell me she had a boyfriend but when she told me she was really male and wanted to experience being with a man. I was gutted. I am in no way homophobic. I have friends that are gay but the fact that he hid this information from me was very hurtful. I am a straight male and should have been told. Now I have trust issues in Second life. - Danny

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AVIE POLL QUESTION: What is the funniest thing you ever witnessed in Second Life? Share your story!

 

Hey, friends and SLE fans! I hope you are having a lovely weekend!

It’s been a while since I randomly interrupted your regularly scheduled Second Life

and I hope I’m not being a pain in the prim.

Still, I was wondering if you were interested in participating in a new AVIE POLL section

I want to introduce SLE readers based on the stories I collect from you, the readers!

SLE will ask a question once a week and if you have something to share just submit it through this form link with your screenshot proof if you took a pic! You can remain anonymous or share your name it is entirely up to you!

At the end of the form, you can also make suggestions on other topics and questions you would like to see addressed by the SL community.  Let's make this interesting!

AVIE POLL QUESTION:

  What is the funniest thing you ever witnessed in Second Life? Share your story!

Submit your story here:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSftLxr_ZsWNBaYjfLjS9UAPMBCdFP3jsiGBaI2Td8kj

CvwtvA/viewform

DEADLINE: SEPTEMBER 3, 2022

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SLE POLICE REPORT- Heevahava on the Loose in Second Life! 1000L reward for his capture!

March 15, 2022, 11:00 am SLT.- It was reported by a local Dj that DonZiligen accidentally intercepted a tip with his big head that was meant for the DJ during a set and refused to return it when asked. In turn, he resorted to making nasty comments peppered with racist remarks and scurrying off with the stolen $500L lindens.  

Here is the actual report: 

“I am urging my list to ban DonZiligen from your groups, your clubs and anything else he may be involved in. Today he was at a set I was hosting and someone sent him linden by mistake that was meant for a tip.   He refused to return it to the person and then was talking a lot of mess to him but wouldn’t answer me or the DJ.   Please ban this guy he's no good for sure.” -Anonymous DJ

Upon further investigation, DonZiligen was recently put on medical leave from Amaretto Horse Ranch after injuries to his wrists, elbows, and jaw sustained as a heevahava. He has been linked to countless drag, furry, and escort lounge robberies, trying to return a used and broken blow-up doll to the local Freebie sex shop, and illegal sperm sales of REALISTEK breedable racehorses and dogs.

Fines exceed  $100,000L, 75 hours of community service cleaning hot tubs and bathrooms at Maui’s Swingers Resort but heavily supervised so he is not within 500 meters from any farm or domesticated animals.  1000L reward for his whereabouts. Share your tips in the comments below.

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AVIE POLL: EMBARRASSING SL STORIES IN SL- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

Everyone has been in a situation that has caused embarrassment and shame. In Second Life, even avatars can go through moments they wished never happened. There are three ways things can go after the incident. Either the embarrassed party avoids their peers, creates an ALT to start a new SLife or they face the shame, address it, laugh about it and move on. Some of the stories avatars shared are cringeworthy while others are pretty funny. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the embarrassed avie.

Vinny: “I don’t know if I should be sharing this story because it was so embarrassing but it was planned out so good I have to share it. Back in the day around 2008-2009 I used to be part of a roleplay mafia family. We spent our time hanging out with other families and sometimes wars between families started.  While warring,  I got an IM from a girl from the rival family. I was suspicious at first but was surprised that she was flirting with me. I thought she was being sincere so I flirted back. We talked and made jokes for an hour or so and then she invited me over to her place. When I showed up we were immediately in her bedroom and she started to emote undressing so I began doing the same. Right when we were both naked and about to have sex the wall dropped down and suddenly there was an audience of mafia family members sitting as if in a movie theater watching us on a stage. Everyone was laughing and I quickly realized the joke was on me. I was so embarrassed that I teleported out of there so fast. I ended up creating an Alt and never showed my face around mafia families again!”

Ryan: "Most embarrassing story. Ok well, I have one that a lot have seen but I rarely told anyone about. I was attending a business function for a company that I work for. Now, this function had a lot of other business people that owned Modeling agencies, fashion creators, builders alike. There was a raffle at the beginning event and everyone entered it. During the rest of the event with drinks and dancing, most of us forgot about the raffle. They broke for announcements and called my name as the winner. They asked me to come up on stage in front of everyone and accept my prize. It was a gold and diamond watch. They asked me to put it on so all can see. Well little did I know putting it on was a joke and I was automatically violated by an oversized Pokémon in my no-no place. The shock and laughter it had caused me to keep it on a bit longer than a normal person should. Once I composed myself I removed it but the whole party had a good laugh. Some of them to this day call me Pokey, yeah not so funny if you ask me."

Colleen: “OMG LMAO! Once I was sitting at the beach with a group of friends just chatting. I needed to go afk for a couple of  minutes and accidentally left my microphone on.  My rl boyfriend  decided he wanted some quick sex. Instead of logging off we ended up doing it right there in my room. I’m pretty vocal and I’m not ashamed of that but when it was all said and done, I realized the mic was on the whole time!!!  After washing up, I came back and my friends were still all sitting around. When I got back on mic, they all started laughing and I had several IMz trying to warn me but it was too late. That was so embarrassing.”

Karen: “I once joined a contest for best lingerie and I know I looked good. To my surprise but I didn’t win. Can you believe that? I think the contest board was rigged, I felt so embarrassed I called the cops!”

Stacey: “The most embarrassed thing in SL is the multiple relationships with multiple accounts...We are feeling insecure who is behind the avatar when we met someone 1st time until we verified and know better the person...happened to me to meet someone who liked me so much and me the same, but was an alter avatar and of course he was parteneriat with someone in his main account. I refused to be 2nd person in his life because i thought I deserve more than to be a umbrella of bad weather...another embarrassed thing is too many men want multiamorouse relationship they have many women around and call themselves Dominants but in fact are so pathetic weak persons who want only multisome sex.”

Mel : “12 Years ago seems so very long ago in Second Life yet the time has flown by quickly and the changes I have come across has helped me grow daily, with new experiences and adventures along the way. However none of the moments I have experienced can far succeed the embarrassing moment I experienced on my first day of Second Life. As many who have been here for years  may remember, coming into the welcome area, The grand news Island, standing there wondering, "What in the heck do I do next"? Finding my way around a bit and asking some questions after 30 minutes of trying to figure out where the chat section was and Yay I was on my merry way. General chat was my best friend for the first several hours. I had met great people and very helpful to say the least. Along the way of exploring this pixel body that once upon a time was the most exciting body to me, I met a gal  who had "well lets just say a very great sized chest" and of course I thought now that's an upgrade to this poor looking pixel I am walking around in. So I asked, where I could buy something like those? She gave a location and then said, however did you know you can have fun in here?   Of course a bit naive to what she truly meant I said of course, and that's what I am looking for is fun. She giggled in the chat box and said well then you will be needing some privates too. Privates? I thought to myself why would I need some privates and what is she getting at? She slipped me a LandMark and said click that. I got to this store and wow, "primed boobs and vaginas", I laughed but then felt like well maybe that's just something I should have, maybe my body doesn't have a vagina. Suddenly it occurred to me I had no clue what was needed to buy things and so back to general chat I found myself questioning and learning about Lindens and how to get them. Those boobs were a must. I got my Lindens and yay I had a box with boobs and a box with a vagina in it. Back to chat asking the same poor girl in my private box  how to unpack and get them on. After about 30 minutes of feeling gullible and standing in a sandbox I was giddy with boobs and a vagina. I found myself wandering around new places, flaunting what I had purchased above. I met a guy and we started chatting. He had been on SecondLife for a year, he said. I thought wow this is my lucky day, someone who knows what to do in here. My time was running short though as I had to leave for work soon and I asked him how we could speak later, he added me. I stayed for another ten minutes and was telling this man all about my new boobs, like he was really fascinated about hearing it just as much as I was to tell it. I also thought to myself how much I liked this guy and how he spoke, that was until he said, " perhaps you should consider  looking down for a moment" With no understanding how to use my camera, he did a quick teach, and by the time it zoomed downward I realized I had been peeing myself with my new Vagina and for God knows how long while there with him. I did my best to find that hud and when I did find it I hit the wrong button and before I knew it I had white droplets going down my leg too. All I could do in this moment with my poor embarrassed pixel was sit back in my chair and say I am so sorry. I left SecondLife for 6 months after that. 

Upon returning, he messaged me. His first question was, Did it take that long to fix your Vagina?  All I could do was laugh.”

Steve: “The most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me was when I first started playing SL I picked up on emoting from the very beginning. I started working at ladies only clubs as a stripper. Now working in a venue like this afforded me nicer things without spending real wife money. Now after working in this kind of environment for a few years you not only develop your own clientele base but you are so developed a report with some of the people who come to watch you.

I had been working at a particular club for several months and this one Avi we will call sue came in as she normally does. She had a habit of not speaking but some people in SL do not voice so it's no big deal. Well after spending about 10K she messages me about a private dance. i have no problems so i take her into the VIP lounge and proceed to give her a show. She tipped me 5k then asked if i would be interested in escorting for 50k. Now i have never done that before and the amount was too good to pass up i did however ask if she was a male in rl and she said no so i agreed. well we went to my place and we proceeded to get busy. when we were done i heard this big burly voice say thank you then she poofed, I haven't stripped since.”

Katrina: “The most recent embarrassing moment in Second Life happened while researching for my first article for the SL Enquirer.  I was clicking on beards to find out who the designers are that most guys are wearing and not paying any attention with the general chat room lol!  One particular designer was coming up all the time, then I get an IM from a friend, then a few minutes later another and then another.  So finally, I stopped working on the article and started reading these IM’s to find out I was actually tugging away on friends' beards like crazy in a club with a few of their partners getting a little upset with me!  OMG so I explained what I was actually doing in regular chat for all to read, then the room exploded in laughter, was I ever red in the face!”

Embarrassing moments happen to the best of us. How you handle the situations will determine your Second Life experience. If you experienced an embarrassing moment in SL, share your store in the comment box below.

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Our Most Embarrassing Moments of Second Life - LadyLoveDr Reporting

We've all had them, that moment when it becomes too late to take something back or reverse time to stop something that had happened.  The timing seems to be perfect but not in your favor.  No matter what the episode is, in one way or another we've all stood at the front of the firing line.  Our faces turn red, we feel our ears get hot, our stomach does flips and we get a little nervous.  I'm talking about that embarrassing event that never happens when we're alone or no one is online that we know.  I roamed Second Life polling crowds of people to see what their most embarrassing moments were.  I enjoyed hearing them so I figured why not share with the readers of the SL Enquirer.

Elsie W:

My most embarrassing moment would have to be when I went to buy a house with friends. I happened to see one off in the distance.  After contemplating all the houses around me, I went to check out the one in the distance I had seen.  I proceeded to teleport my friends in, upon which I noticed it was furnished and some other people inside. I then explained out loud what I was intending to do, what I would change, what was wrong with the colour scheme. After I had chatted endlessly and without limits for a while I found out it was a private house and the other people who I thought were potential buyers were in fact the owners.  Oops!

Kaijah C:

I had just bought a new skin.  I was super excited to put it on and flaunt around in my new look!   After the skin was on, I put on my cool zipper open jeans and went shopping for another hour.    So there I was, painting the town in my new-found skin and favorite outfit, feeling like I was on top of the world!  Then I cammed to look around at some stuff and happen to catch a glimpse of the front of my avatar, i was like what is that? To my surprise, my privates had been hanging out for all to see!  Talk about busting my bubble.

Black W:

My most embarrassing moment in Second Life is when I was talking with someone and they seemed really familiar.  I just couldn't put my finger on it.  Maybe I had spoken with them at another period in our SL lives.  We chatted for quite a while, getting to know each other better.  All of a sudden, my phone rings.  That was my friend on the phone.  As it turns out, I did in fact know him the friend was calling to inform me that I was talking to her husband in SL.  It wasn't my fault but I couldn't help but apologize to her.

Mr R:

I was in the middle of a group event that I couldn't leave and my girlfriend popped on.  She started chatting me up.  Things got a little hot and heavy.  I was going back and forth between the group chat and the private IM with my girlfriend.  I typed in this really hot comment about what I wanted her to do with her mouth and the moment I pressed the ENTER key I realized that I had just send that comment to the group I was in, instead of as a private IM to my girlfriend.

Lady L: 

I was spamming groups and land chat, trying to sell some parcels I had.  I teleported to a sandbox to work on a prim that would help me announce my posts.  A few minutes after I landed, an IM popped up and a guy asked how much.  I said "For you, only $1536!"  He asked for how long?  I said "$1536 and you own."  I quickly realized I had teleported to a BDSM sandbox and he was not at all interested in my land, he wanted to buy me to be his slave.  That's what I call sending someone an IM at the perfect time.

Got a funny or embarrassing story to share? Use the comment box below

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Interview with a Disgruntled Elf- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

This article is back by popular demand

Christmas is fast approaching and I wanted to interview Santa because he is this holiday’s most popular mascot. However, it seems St. Nick was upset with me and too busy trying to re-edit the naughty list. Apparently someone hacked his computer and saved a bunch of avatars from receiving lumps of coal this year.  *innocent look*

I tried to interview Mrs. Clause but she declined my offer stating that they felt I was the culprit behind the hack attack. Not having much of a choice on who else to interview, I decided to ask one of Santa’s elves who was in a barn shoveling reindeer berries into a pile and going on a verbal rampage to himself.

Interview with a Disgruntled Elf

I approached him with caution in case he had the nerve to swing that shovel at me for sneaking up on him.

Lanai: Hi there Mr. Elf, I was in the area and was wondering if I can interview you about Christmas in Second Life. Do you have some time?

Elf: Hey Lanai what are you doing here?!? First of all, my name is Jeffrey and I don’t think you should be anywhere near Santa’s house. Word around the North Pole is you got into his naughty list and did some rearranging of names.

 Last night he went on a drunken rant about how you walk around the grid like you are the queen of Second Life and snooping around doing all kinds of mischief.

Lanai: Is that so?

Jeffrey the Elf: He has been watching you for some time now and is looking for a tabloid that will interview him for a tell-all about you. From what he was saying, you have been a very naughty girl and just a heads up… he has some paparazzi shots to prove it.

Lanai: So? I’ll admit I did a couple things this year that would totally cause a riot between my FWBs, things that would make a stripper blush, cause an intervention, or make my parents cry in shame but that’s my business!  I’m grown.

Jeffrey the Elf: I have to admit that is kind of hot and I wouldn’t mind being added to your FWB list.

Lanai: oh good grief.

Jeffrey the Elf: Anyway, Santa has a special present for you since you have been so bad on top of hacking his computer. He sent me out here to round up a steaming pile just for you.

Lanai: OMG are you serious? Whatever happened to being innocent before proven guilty ? Besides that, Jolly old St. Nick was going naughty list happy on all my friends. I had to do something!

Jeffrey the Elf: Well little lady you caused some serious havoc here in the North Pole! Santa was on a budget because of his gambling and drinking problem so some avatars had to be put on the naughty list. There are not enough of us elves to make up all the presents this year.

Lanai: Why? What happened to all the elves that handled the Christmas load last year?

Jeffrey the Elf: Well *looks around* Santa is cheap. Besides that, he really sucks as a boss, treating us like sweat shop workers.  Can you believe he tried to pay us with McDonald coupons for free Sundaes and 20% off Sleigh Rides around the Clause Family Compound. To top it all off,  as a bonus, he gave us each a fruitcake! 

Aside from all that, look what he has me doing now? If I didn’t need a place to stay I would be soaking up the sun on a nude beach somewhere on the other side of the grid.

Lanai: Interesting. SO anyway Jeffrey, is there a way you can sugarcoat Santa and all the wonderful things he does for others on Christmas? I want to give my readers a pleasant Christmas article.

Jeffrey the Elf: *Sighs* Santa is one of the kindness mascots you will meet.  He’s always jolly and…

Lanai: Ok nvm. That’s enough fluff.

Jeffrey the Elf: SO Lanai, how would you like this gift delivered?

Lanai: Ummm… send it to 945 Battery Street
San Francisco, CA 94111 C/O: Linden Lab

Merry Christmas SLE Fans. 

Have a Save and Happy Holiday!

Special Thanks to Phil & Glossom Jonesford

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