INTERVIEW WITH MOTHER GOOSE- Be careful what you ask for… - Lanai Jarrico reporting…

Mother’s Day is a time of year when we pay our respects to our beloved mother or the woman who stood in our egg donor's place and taught us about the world. Either you show up with a fist full of flowers and a card, take Momma out to Denny’s for the all-day breakfast value menu deal, or you sit back and think of the fond memories you had with her, longing for a hug.  

If you are a mother yourself, the day should be all about you. If you want to lie in bed and have someone tend to you for a change. Do you.

If you want to get your hair and nails done only for it to last a couple of days before you are back to lookin all disheveled and worn down from motherhood. Do what you gotta do.

If you want to hop in your car and disappear for a couple of hours to get your well deserved me time. I say, have at it. It’s your day and noone should be telling you what to do!

I’m a proud mother of two, to some others I’m just a rude ass motherf*cker. Either way, I paid my dues. My kids are all grown up, educated with degrees and up outta my house, cooking for themselves, washing their clothes, and handling their own dang business. They know they are loved but they also know when to let momma do her own thing without meddling all up in her business and being a pain in the ass. Those days are over.

So, back to Mother’s Day, I thought long and hard about the famous moms I wanted to interview this year. After asking several different ones who didn’t have time, for one sad reason or another, I settled with Mother Goose. This mother has been around for ages and is responsible for many of the nursery rhymes we learned as kids that don’t make any sense today.

Interview with Mother Goose

Lanai: Hi Mother Goose, thank you for taking the time to chat with me here at the Mad Hatters Tea room about this very special holiday.  You haven’t aged one bit! Can you share with our readers what Mother’s Day means to you and how it has changed over the years?

Mother Goose: Hey Lanai, thank you you dear sweet child.  Life Second keeps me forever young.  It is an honor to be interviewed by you. You are one of the few mothers I can say did a good job raising your offspring. I hear one of them is a Therapist and the other is a professional video game creator!

Lanai: Thank you, Mother Goose. Yes, that is true. Both are a reflection of me. A mental case that loves virtual reality and gaming. Lol back to the previous questions.

Mother Goose: I never said you were Mother of the year, but you managed to pull it off, raising some amazing kids that actually know my nursery rhymes! Anyway, These new age tech moms are pathetic. They don’t even bother to pass long nursery rhymes to their kids. They hand them an iPad and let them play games as a free babysitting service so these baby makers have more time to post filtered selfies, glue on those ridiculous eyelashes, and fight with other moms on Facebook. I don’t even want to go on about all the dating sites they go on, looking for their next baby daddies.

 We are living in a time where someone has to say it how they see it instead of ignoring what’s going on. Sorry not sorry. Their asses should be in parenting classes for Mother’s day.

Lanai: You sure keep it real. I have to agree with all of that but one thing really sticks out to me that I need to comment on. What the hell is going on with those thick ass lashes that seem to be a part of a beauty routine from some other planet.

 Anyway, 

Mother Goose: I can tell you are an empty nester. Eyelashes were the only thing you had a comment about from my previous statement. That reminds me of a nursery rhyme! 

“Tweedledum and Tweedledee Agreed to have a battle; For Tweedledum said Tweedledee Had spoiled his nice new rattle. Just then flew down a monstrous crow,  As black as a tar-barrel;

Which frightened both the heroes so, They quite forgot their quarrel”

Lanai: Sorry? *confused stare*  Ummm ok then. Not sure what that's got to do with the price of tea in China….  Anyway. You are right about the absentee moms who wonder where the years have gone and get all mad when their kids grow up to resent them and show zero respect.

Mother Goose: MMhmmm. So, How do you plan on spending Mother’s Day?

Lanai: I'd love for my kids to travel to see me, but in reality, they are adulting and have responsibilities. One lives in Florida, and the other is about an hour and a half from me.  I’ll be happy with phone calls If I don’t get surprised, I may catch up on some sleep and snuggle with my cat. Even empty nesters have me time.

Mother Goose: Well, if it makes you feel better, you are a cat mom, and I’m sure he is needy. That reminds me of a nursery rhyme!  “ And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when

We'll get together then, you know we'll have a good time then"

Lanai: Ummmm… What the hell? That's not a nursery rhyme. It's lyrics to a song by Harry Chapin…

Mother Goose: Oh, right.  Well, here’s a good one I think you will like. “Hey diddle diddle, The cat and the fiddle,The cow jumped over the moon;The little dog laughedTo see such sport, And the dish ran away with the spoon”.

Lanai: Ok , can you stop with the nursery rhymes? It’s making me feel very uncomfortable.

Mother Goose: I’m sorry, hunny, I just thought they would make you happy. All my kids loved them. The kid songs out today, like Baby Shark, not to mention that awful Barney. These characters are really frightening and upsetting to me. 

Lanai: I’m a grown up remember? I’m not into that stuff either…  So, what are your plans for Mother’s Day?

Mother Goose: My apologies. For Mother’s Day, I plan on publishing a new series of Nursery rhymes that make more sense in this day and age. Would you like to hear one?

Lanai: FFS. Dear goodness. I’ll wait for a published copy like everyone else.

Mother Goose: Are you sure?

Lanai: Yes, thank you. I think we are done with this interview. Thanks again…

Mother Goose: Oh! Before we part ways I must share one last special rhyme with you. Everybody have you heard? “Mock (yeah) Ing (yeah) Bird (yeah) Yeah (Oh yeah) He's gonna buy me a mockingbird And if that mockingbird don't sing He's gonna but me a diamond ring And if that diamond ring won't shine Surely break this heart of mine And that's why I keep on tellin' everybody. Say yeah, yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, uh, oh He's gonna buy me some peace of mind And if that peace of mind don't stay I'm gonna find myself a better way And if that better way ain't so I'll ride with the tide and go with the flow And that's why I keep on shoutin' in your ear Say yeah, yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, uh, oh”

Lanai: WTF lady?

Mother Goose: Bye, bye, goodbye

Bye, bye, bye, bye, goodbye. I can clap my hands. I can stamp my feet. I can clap my hands. I can stamp my feet. Bye, bye, goodbye Bye, bye, bye, bye, goodbye Bye, bye, goodbye Bye, bye, bye, bye, goodbye Goodbye!

Lanai: What kinda shit?  Ok… I don’t know what’s in your tea, but I gotta go. *speed walks away and doesn’t look back*

Happy Mother’s Day, ya’ll!

Special thanks to aquarius denimore

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HOLIDAY MASCOT SERIES: Interview with The Easter Bunny 2025- Making Amends -Lanai Jarrico Reporting

I’ve gone an entire year since speaking to the Easter Bunny. He was upset about a prank gone wrong when I “accidentally” switched his shampoo with Nair and he spent the better part of the year in hiding while growing back his fur. After tracking him down at a local park,  I apologized, and he accepted. We sat down to partake in some easter grass together.  

Lanai: Hey you, I just wanted to apologize for that prank I pulled on you last year. I can’t believe the other mascots didn’t warn you. In my defense,  that was one wild mascot party. Whatever strain of grass that was passed around last year. It was potent and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. Quite frankly I was high AF and it was funny at the time.

Easter Bunny: *rolls eyes* Don’t remind me. I was so pissed at you for that. I almost bombed your house with spoiled easter eggs but got chased away by that feral thing you call a cat.

Lanai: You mean my next-door neighbor? He’s not a cat, he’s a furry and I’m glad he had my back. I would have been pissed and this pranking back and forth would have escalated to the next level of friendly combat.

Easter Bunny: No worries! I don’t have the time or energy to continue with the animosity and fallout from any further drama with you Ms. Jarrico. The other mascot and I would like to form a truce. We understand the nature of your work and are willing to work with you under the conditions you stop pranking and harassing us.

Lanai: Fine. 

Easter Bunny: You are a competitive and fierce woman. You have proven that so I am glad we agree on peace. So, I assume you want to do an interview about Easter. How can I help?

Lanai: Thank you for the flowers. I appreciate it. *sparks the doobie and takes a hit, coughs and passes it* So, last year, how did the day end up going for you?

Easter Bunny:*takes a hit* Well… after searching the marketplace for a suitable bunny onesie, I was able to deliver easter baskets across the grid without shame and embarrassment. I even made a  new friend. *passes it back*

Lanai: Oh Yeah? I’m glad it all worked out and Easter went on without delay. I heard about your falling out with the Lucky Charms Leprechaun back in mascot College. Sounds like you can use a new buddy.

Easter Bunny: OMG that little imp. I got kicked off  Mascot College campus because he didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut about the little grass operation we were involved in. For the record he is the one with all the connections. I was just distributing products that he supplied.

Lanai: I see. He was a snitch and you took the downfall. Yea I got the sense he couldn’t be trusted to do a crime around.  So, Tell me about your new friend and then we can discuss your Easter plans. *Takes a hit and passes it back*

Easter Bunny:  TY.  *sparks it back up takes a hit and goes into a coughing fit*

OMG…That’s some good shit right there! Anyway,  During my Easter delivery route, I had to take a potty break. I came across a vampire crying in the alley near a local Blood bank and I was compelled to go over and talk to him. It turns out the Vampire community is in a crisis. There’s a shortage of blood and many of their drinking spots are trying to pass off cherry Kool Aid as an alternative. When I offered him a hug, he tried to bite me. He snapped back to reality when I slapped him. He apologized and offered to take me to a place where they have the best lap dancers on the grid.

Lanai: So that’s how peeps make up nowadays? So, What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

Easter Bunny: What?

Lanai: Anyway,  I meant to say. Poor Vampires. I hope they figure that out. We don’t need a biting epidemic in Second life.

Easter Bunny: I agree.  So,  this year my plans were to make my own chocolate easter bunnies with some THC infusion to go along with the Easter basket deliveries. I also wanted to set up a place where avies can go and take pictures with yours truly.

Lanai: Isn’t it kinda weird to make chocolate easter bunnies? Humans don’t go around eating people shaped candy. Why would you encourage eating bunnies?  Why not do infused lollipops or gummies? Peeps seem to enjoy those types of candies too. Also, if you want to offer pictures with the easter bunny, I’ll set up a spot at The SL Enquirer Media Center for you, You can also host the annual Easter Egg decorating contest.

Easter Bunny: Hmmmm. I never thought about it that way. I guess you’re right. I’ll see what I can come up with and that would be great!

Lanai: Easter isn’t all about candy and grass filled baskets. What else can you tell me about this holiday and how did you get involved?

Easter Bunny: Well, Bunnies symbolize fertility and new life. We also represent the beginning of spring and the promise of new beginnings.

Lanai: I get the part about rabbits being known for their prolific breeding habits so the symbol of fertility is fitting.  Did you know back in the 1920’s up until the 1960’s they used rabbits for pregnancy testing? They would inject a rabbit with a woman’s urine, kill them, and examine their ovaries. If they were enlarged, it showed that the woman was pregnant.

Easter Bunny: Well damn that's an uncomfortable fun fact. I’m glad I’m male!

Lanai: You’re welcome. I’m all about educating the public on facts that don’t make sense. Anyway,  so do you have anything else you’d like to talk about or share with our readers before you get started on Easter preps?

Easter Bunny: I just want everyone to have a Happy Easter and to remember to always read the labels to the candy you eat. I don’t want to be held responsible for anyone getting so high they do stuff like switching shampoo with nair or being so plastered they can’t remember the day and the real reason for the holiday.

Lanai: Well said.

HAPPY EASTER YA’LL

Special Thanks to DJ Mack Abbott

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HOLIDAY MASCOT SERIES:HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! Interview with a Leprechaun- Lanai Jarrico Reporting

Once again a holiday pops up and Lanai is on the assignment to locate a holiday mascot to interview. The previous mascots seem to be intimidated and go out of their way to avoid her but she always seems to get them to give in to an interview.  This year is a bit different since many of the leprechauns have been in the witness protection program. One lucky leprechaun was available and had no choice but to answer her questions.

Lanai: Ha! There you are, you little rascal! I knew I would find you stocking this grocery store with your Lucky Charms Cereal. Now that I have you cornered. Will you do an interview with me?

Lucky the Leprechaun: AHHHHhhAHHHH! *falls of the shelf*  If it isn’t the infamous Lanai… Who told you I was here? I bet it was that good for nothing Cupid. The way he was ranting at the Avatar Anonymous meeting about you, he’s the only buffoon who would cave to your demands.

Lanai: Maybe…. Maybe Not. You aren’t exactly the most popular holiday mascot in the bunch so it was easy to find you at the local Aldi’s

Lucky the Leprechaun: Why don’t you tell me how you really feel. Sheesh, the nerve of these dirty blondes. That’s why I stick to redheads…

Lanai: Look here you little imp. With all your relatives in the witness protection program, you are the only loud mouth gnome like creature I could find for this interview. If I had the choice I would have interviewed a Keebler Elf in the next aisle over.

Lucky the Leprechaun: *gasps* How dare you compare me to one of them! They make the worst cookies ever!

Lanai: Hello and you make the worst cereal ever. Have you tasted your own marshmallows? What are they made of? chalk and food coloring?

Lucky the Leprechaun: Are you kidding me! How dare you insult me in my place of employment. Now if you don’t mind I have shelves to stock!

Lanai: Listen here you wannabe elf on a shelf, don’t make me fold you like a lawn chair and mail you to the north pole. Let’s get this interview over with so I can move on to better things.

Lucky the Leprechaun: What! Oh no you didn’t! What kind of reporter are you? Going around harassing and threatening holiday mascots. You should be ashamed of yourself. Don’t you have anything better to do?

Lanai: Don’t flatter yourself and stop being so hostile. Don’t you want to be known by the SLE readers on St. Patrick's Day? It should be an honor. It may even promote that poor excuse for a breakfast cereal you so proudly endorse.

Lucky the Leprechaun: There you go again! Was that insult necessary? Why do you have to be so mean?

Lanai: Why do you have to be so difficult? All I wanted to ask is what your plans were for St. Patrick’s Day.

Lucky the Leprechaun: If you promise to leave me alone and never talk to me again.I will do this interview.

Lanai: believe me when I say.. I promise to never talk to you again or eat that cereal of yours.

Lucky the Leprechaun: I get it, you don’t like Lucky Charms. Since the price of sugar has gone up. I’m forced to find alternatives. To answer your question, my plans were to go stay in my shared room at the halfway house with my bunkie, Netflix and Chill. I have been sober for 2 years now so I really don’t see no point in celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. It’s what got me in trouble in the first place. I’m on work release right now over the repeated DUI’s on my moped.

Lanai: That explains the monitor you have on your ankle. Look, I didn’t come here to cause you more grief then you are already in. Get back to stocking those shelves. Before I go, have any idea where I can find the Easter Bunny?

Lucky the Leprechaun: As a matter of fact I do. Him and I have never seen eye to eye. Back in mascot college he got caught with a pound of Easter Grass and tried to blame it on me and we both got expelled. I have been looking to get him back! You will find him at The Ganja Farms where they have the best breedable cannabis on the grid. I heard his plan was to smuggle it out in Easter baskets.

Lanai: Thank you for snitching… I mean… helping me out.

Lucky the Leprechaun: Just keep your promise and leave me alone for good.

Happy St. Patrick's Day Ya'll!

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AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH A RECOVERING SEXBALL ADDICT- Lanai Jarrico reporting...

The best part about being a Journalist in Second Life is it’s kinda like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re going to get. While minding my business and staring at the walls of my media center, in strolls an avie who looked a bit worried and confused. I approached him like I usually do to visitors and asked if he needed any help. He began to sob and admit that he had to get something off of his chest and heard I was the perfect person to talk to about his troubled mind. We found a spot and I let him talk it out.

Interview with a Recovering Sexball Addict

Lanai: Thank you for agreeing to sit with me for this very important conversation. I know you wish to remain anonymous so I will just call you S.A.. Is that ok? So what seems to be the problem?

Ex Sexball Addict: Thats fine, yeah. Well I used to have an addiction to Sex Balls in Second Life and would do whatever I could to cure my cravings.

Lanai: Can I ask.. Since there are a variety of Sex balls in SL. Some are pretty Vanilla and others are well…beyond freaky. What are we talking about here?

Ex Sexball Addict: Oh all sorts…against walls, on beds, in hammocks….you name it!

Lanai: OK I got it… It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem and even more to express it boldly to me. Let me start by asking… When did you realize you had this serious problem?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well it all started about 12 years ago when I walked into a club and people were pixel humping about the place.  I watched for a while and got propositioned by a woman and we found an unused bed upstairs and started doing stuff on the pose balls.  I won’t go into graphic details but you can imagine the sort of kinky fun we had.  After that I started wanting more and met with this lady a few more times, but she disappeared so i had to get my fix elsewhere.

Lanai: Yea let’s not get into the graphic details. I don’t want to be responsible for your relapse. So tell me, Why did you consider yourself a sex addict when it seems everyone across the grid gets their freak on. According to the annual avie baby census. Birth rates have skyrocketed in the past 6 months. Have you fathered any children during your addiction?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well the sky rocketing has nothing to do with me (laughs).  I learned of Mama Allpa after a year and I believe I have 6 kids across the grids.  But they were all one night stands and the momma’s never wanted to hear from me again so I let them be.

Lanai: Well good thing child support isn’t enforced in Second Life or you would be screwed (no pun intended). So what was the catalyst in you realizing you had a serious sexball problem and needed help?

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) this is true.  Well the catalyst was when i started paying for sex, i would spend upwards of 10K to get my kicks and would frequent loads of sex only clubs to do so.  When i couldn’t pay my real life bills that’s when I knew something was wrong and had to stop and seek help.  

Lanai: Well damn 10k! Was that all in a day or over a span of time? 

Ex Sexball Addict: It was over a week and at several different places.  I had my favourite spots so to speak and would usually do the rounds of 2-3 clubs

Lanai: Hmm 10k over a week span tells me that you went for the low budget escorts.

Ex Sexball Addict: That’s how it started, then the prices rose, soon it was 25k a week.

Lanai: Yeah, that is a serious problem.  With the epidemic of gender imposters, do you think a few of them slipped through the cracks with you? 

Ex Sexball Addict: Oh probably, but if they presented as female, i took them as female, so to speak.  I didn’t care I just needed my jollies and i needed them THEN.  I have to admit something, I met a woman at the old SLE offices and we had pixel sex on the desk.  It was dangerous but we never got caught.  Sorry about that, but i think it might have been YOUR desk.

Lanai: FFS… Good thing we have cameras.. I just never knew who those two were… I respect your honesty though. If it makes you feel any better. It’s a good thing STDs don’t spread in Second life but I have heard of people getting severe carpal tunnel and tennis elbow from vigorous masturbation. Have you experienced that?

Ex Sexball Addict: No not really, I’m not the one that had to worry about that.  She was great though, lemme tell ya!

Lanai: I don’t even want to know if she was an employee, the camera quality was pretty gritty…. Anyway,  Perhaps it will happen later on in life… SO what have you done to break yourself of this addiction?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well I have a photograph if you need proof (laughs) Anyway I found a group in SL and they helped me immensely.  They had a 5 step programme that effectively weaned me off of poseballs and sex clubs and taught me shame, humility and a sense of respect.

Lanai: Yes! I’ve heard about that program. The furry community has really stepped up their game to help the SL community aside from doing whatever it is they do behind the scenes. Tell me more about the 5 steps. 

Ex Sexball Addict: Well there were Furries there who had the same addiction so we all helped each other overcome this nasty affliction.  Step 1 is realization, admitting you have a problem and coming to terms with it.  Step 2 is the shame, the shame it brings on you and others.  The other steps i can’t quite remember

Lanai: MMhmm. I see… Sounds like an Alcoholics Anonymous program.

Ex Sexball Addict: Well i never been to one of them so i wouldn’t know

Lanai: Well, from what I heard they really put you through it and you have to call a sponsor whenever you get the urge.  So Anyway,  now that you are recovering from your sex addiction in Second life, do you mind if I ask…..Did you remove your ummm *points at his packet*. I figure it's the first step in the program…

Ex Sexball Addict: No, I still keep it there for posterity.  That and it helps me tell the time and find water. (laughs)

Lanai: LMAO. OK then.

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) no I still have it in my inventory for that special lady when the time comes to settle down.

Lanai: Well, that brings me to my next question because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and we all know what’s on everyone's mind on that day. What are your plans?

Ex Sexball Addict: I don’t know in all honesty, I'm not looking for love in SL right now, or anything else for that matter, but who knows?  Maybe that special someone is right around the corner and we can have a lasting relationship with or without pixel humping.

Lanai: Lasting relationships in SL are a myth. You have more of a chance finding a Unicorn in a thong.  So basically you are telling me that you are practicing abstinence for the rest of your SLife?

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) That’s not the attitude they taught on the programme.  No, just til the right woman comes along.  Until then, I’m being a good boy and remembering what the programme taught me.

Lanai: Well, all I can say is I wish you the best of luck in your continued sex sobriety.

Ex Sexball Addict: Thank you, that means a lot.

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