HOLIDAY MASCOT SERIES:HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! Interview with a Leprechaun- Lanai Jarrico Reporting

Once again a holiday pops up and Lanai is on the assignment to locate a holiday mascot to interview. The previous mascots seem to be intimidated and go out of their way to avoid her but she always seems to get them to give in to an interview.  This year is a bit different since many of the leprechauns have been in the witness protection program. One lucky leprechaun was available and had no choice but to answer her questions.

Lanai: Ha! There you are, you little rascal! I knew I would find you stocking this grocery store with your Lucky Charms Cereal. Now that I have you cornered. Will you do an interview with me?

Lucky the Leprechaun: AHHHHhhAHHHH! *falls of the shelf*  If it isn’t the infamous Lanai… Who told you I was here? I bet it was that good for nothing Cupid. The way he was ranting at the Avatar Anonymous meeting about you, he’s the only buffoon who would cave to your demands.

Lanai: Maybe…. Maybe Not. You aren’t exactly the most popular holiday mascot in the bunch so it was easy to find you at the local Aldi’s

Lucky the Leprechaun: Why don’t you tell me how you really feel. Sheesh, the nerve of these dirty blondes. That’s why I stick to redheads…

Lanai: Look here you little imp. With all your relatives in the witness protection program, you are the only loud mouth gnome like creature I could find for this interview. If I had the choice I would have interviewed a Keebler Elf in the next aisle over.

Lucky the Leprechaun: *gasps* How dare you compare me to one of them! They make the worst cookies ever!

Lanai: Hello and you make the worst cereal ever. Have you tasted your own marshmallows? What are they made of? chalk and food coloring?

Lucky the Leprechaun: Are you kidding me! How dare you insult me in my place of employment. Now if you don’t mind I have shelves to stock!

Lanai: Listen here you wannabe elf on a shelf, don’t make me fold you like a lawn chair and mail you to the north pole. Let’s get this interview over with so I can move on to better things.

Lucky the Leprechaun: What! Oh no you didn’t! What kind of reporter are you? Going around harassing and threatening holiday mascots. You should be ashamed of yourself. Don’t you have anything better to do?

Lanai: Don’t flatter yourself and stop being so hostile. Don’t you want to be known by the SLE readers on St. Patrick's Day? It should be an honor. It may even promote that poor excuse for a breakfast cereal you so proudly endorse.

Lucky the Leprechaun: There you go again! Was that insult necessary? Why do you have to be so mean?

Lanai: Why do you have to be so difficult? All I wanted to ask is what your plans were for St. Patrick’s Day.

Lucky the Leprechaun: If you promise to leave me alone and never talk to me again.I will do this interview.

Lanai: believe me when I say.. I promise to never talk to you again or eat that cereal of yours.

Lucky the Leprechaun: I get it, you don’t like Lucky Charms. Since the price of sugar has gone up. I’m forced to find alternatives. To answer your question, my plans were to go stay in my shared room at the halfway house with my bunkie, Netflix and Chill. I have been sober for 2 years now so I really don’t see no point in celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. It’s what got me in trouble in the first place. I’m on work release right now over the repeated DUI’s on my moped.

Lanai: That explains the monitor you have on your ankle. Look, I didn’t come here to cause you more grief then you are already in. Get back to stocking those shelves. Before I go, have any idea where I can find the Easter Bunny?

Lucky the Leprechaun: As a matter of fact I do. Him and I have never seen eye to eye. Back in mascot college he got caught with a pound of Easter Grass and tried to blame it on me and we both got expelled. I have been looking to get him back! You will find him at The Ganja Farms where they have the best breedable cannabis on the grid. I heard his plan was to smuggle it out in Easter baskets.

Lanai: Thank you for snitching… I mean… helping me out.

Lucky the Leprechaun: Just keep your promise and leave me alone for good.

Happy St. Patrick's Day Ya'll!

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HOLIDAY MASCOT SERIES: Interview with Cupid 2025- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

 

Recently I met up with Father Time who seemed annoyed but still did an interview.  He reminded me why Cupid and I had a falling out so not only did I go on my quest to find him but I wanted to apologize for last year. I really didn’t mean to beat him to a pulp with a fist full of roses. I don’t like to get startled. With that said, I search across the grid and found him minding his own business at  Japanese Tempura  Island where he was taking a Tai Chi Class.

Lanai: CUPID! Long time no see! Let me apologize for last year. I really didn’t mean to attack you with roses. I’m sorry *makes a pouty face*

Cupid: OMG, it’s you! Stay away from me. You are like a sour patch kid commercials amplified!  Can’t you see I’m busy!

Lanai: Don’t tell me you are still butt hurt over what happened. It’s been a year, let that shit go. You shouldn’t have startled me. You know my swing reflex is something different..

Cupid: Something different?? That was totally a manic Karen episode! To top it all off you were trespassing in MY garden!

Lanai: Cupid, you know you love me so stop putting up a front. Father time told me all about your holiday date switching plan to avoid me. That’s not how you treat your FWB.

Cupid: Oh he did? So you tracked him down too? You are supposed to stay at least 500 yards away from me.

Lanai: Yea.. that expired.  And stop acting jealous. You didn't have to get the other mascots involved in our personal business.

Cupid: Ohh they have their own reasons for avoiding you. Do I need to remind you what you did to the Easter Bunny on April Fools day? He had to wear a furry pink onesie on Easter and  spent the rest of the year hiding so his own fur would grow back in. He looked like a giant overstuffed mole rat with big ears. I never want to see a grown Easter Bunny ugly cry ever again in my life. It’s horrifying.

Lanai:  It was kinda funny… at the time. Don’t tell me you never switched someone's shampoo for Nair before. Live a little.

Cupid: NO!!! That’s a terrible prank.  What about the time you caused a vicious fight between Larry the Leprechaun and one of Santa’s helpers. They accidentally sewed the wrong ear onto the other. I don’t think they ever found the other missing ear.

Lanai: Hey, that had nothing to do with me. I was at The Blarney Stone having a couple drinks while minding my own business when I heard them arguing about who’s taller. All I did was say, Larry had about a centimeter over the elf. That's when the ear tugging began and well. Yea , that wasn't my fault!

Cupid: MMhmm. Ok what about the time you put cannabis oil in Mrs. Clause’s brownies and  Santa got pulled over while delivering Christmas presents. Good thing everyone loves Santa and they let him off with a warning. Mrs. Clause broke an ankle trying to dance on the table and slipped.  You nearly canceled Christmas for everyone!

Lanai: Wasn’t me.

Cupid: Lanai, you dropped your medical marijuana card and Mrs.Claus found it in her kitchen… Why do you think you got coal this year?

Lanai:Oh, I was wondering where it was. About the coal though,  I collect rocks and figured it was a thoughtful gift! All I was doing was adding a little jolliness to his long night. Lighten up, Christmas was a success. I heard even naughty kids got presents this year.

Cupid: SMH. Why are we having this interview again?

Lanai: Because Valentine’s day is coming up and I wanted to know if you had any words of wisdom for all the lovers out there.

Cupid: Well first of all to any guy who has the slightest interest in asking you to be their Valentine should think twice. Your reputation for being a heartbreaker is probably the most frequently used search term on the internet next to Drones in New Jersey.

Lanai: Anyway…You are just mad that I wouldn't be your Valentine. Remember the time I caught you trying to play a harp at my window while humming a rap song? That was really weird. Of course I threw a shoe at you and turned you down.

Cupid: See. You can’t even appreciate a kind gesture after an amazing time. You… You… heart of stone Queen! I totally regret that night.

Lanai: Not the night before though… lol.  Stop spreading fake news and work on your name calling…

Cupid:*facepalm*  Lanai, you have a way of making people love and hate you at the same time. I’m not sure where this interview is going but I need to pick up my arrows and get ready for Valentine’s day. I have Love to spread.

Lanai: So do I.   I’ll see you later. *winks*

Cupid: *rolls eyes* You are something else. Want to Netflix and chill?

Lanai: Are you asking me out?

Cupid: No…

Lanai: OK, come over.

Special thanks to Edge Catteneo

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AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH A RECOVERING SEXBALL ADDICT- Lanai Jarrico reporting...

The best part about being a Journalist in Second Life is it’s kinda like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re going to get. While minding my business and staring at the walls of my media center, in strolls an avie who looked a bit worried and confused. I approached him like I usually do to visitors and asked if he needed any help. He began to sob and admit that he had to get something off of his chest and heard I was the perfect person to talk to about his troubled mind. We found a spot and I let him talk it out.

Interview with a Recovering Sexball Addict

Lanai: Thank you for agreeing to sit with me for this very important conversation. I know you wish to remain anonymous so I will just call you S.A.. Is that ok? So what seems to be the problem?

Ex Sexball Addict: Thats fine, yeah. Well I used to have an addiction to Sex Balls in Second Life and would do whatever I could to cure my cravings.

Lanai: Can I ask.. Since there are a variety of Sex balls in SL. Some are pretty Vanilla and others are well…beyond freaky. What are we talking about here?

Ex Sexball Addict: Oh all sorts…against walls, on beds, in hammocks….you name it!

Lanai: OK I got it… It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem and even more to express it boldly to me. Let me start by asking… When did you realize you had this serious problem?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well it all started about 12 years ago when I walked into a club and people were pixel humping about the place.  I watched for a while and got propositioned by a woman and we found an unused bed upstairs and started doing stuff on the pose balls.  I won’t go into graphic details but you can imagine the sort of kinky fun we had.  After that I started wanting more and met with this lady a few more times, but she disappeared so i had to get my fix elsewhere.

Lanai: Yea let’s not get into the graphic details. I don’t want to be responsible for your relapse. So tell me, Why did you consider yourself a sex addict when it seems everyone across the grid gets their freak on. According to the annual avie baby census. Birth rates have skyrocketed in the past 6 months. Have you fathered any children during your addiction?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well the sky rocketing has nothing to do with me (laughs).  I learned of Mama Allpa after a year and I believe I have 6 kids across the grids.  But they were all one night stands and the momma’s never wanted to hear from me again so I let them be.

Lanai: Well good thing child support isn’t enforced in Second Life or you would be screwed (no pun intended). So what was the catalyst in you realizing you had a serious sexball problem and needed help?

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) this is true.  Well the catalyst was when i started paying for sex, i would spend upwards of 10K to get my kicks and would frequent loads of sex only clubs to do so.  When i couldn’t pay my real life bills that’s when I knew something was wrong and had to stop and seek help.  

Lanai: Well damn 10k! Was that all in a day or over a span of time? 

Ex Sexball Addict: It was over a week and at several different places.  I had my favourite spots so to speak and would usually do the rounds of 2-3 clubs

Lanai: Hmm 10k over a week span tells me that you went for the low budget escorts.

Ex Sexball Addict: That’s how it started, then the prices rose, soon it was 25k a week.

Lanai: Yeah, that is a serious problem.  With the epidemic of gender imposters, do you think a few of them slipped through the cracks with you? 

Ex Sexball Addict: Oh probably, but if they presented as female, i took them as female, so to speak.  I didn’t care I just needed my jollies and i needed them THEN.  I have to admit something, I met a woman at the old SLE offices and we had pixel sex on the desk.  It was dangerous but we never got caught.  Sorry about that, but i think it might have been YOUR desk.

Lanai: FFS… Good thing we have cameras.. I just never knew who those two were… I respect your honesty though. If it makes you feel any better. It’s a good thing STDs don’t spread in Second life but I have heard of people getting severe carpal tunnel and tennis elbow from vigorous masturbation. Have you experienced that?

Ex Sexball Addict: No not really, I’m not the one that had to worry about that.  She was great though, lemme tell ya!

Lanai: I don’t even want to know if she was an employee, the camera quality was pretty gritty…. Anyway,  Perhaps it will happen later on in life… SO what have you done to break yourself of this addiction?

Ex Sexball Addict: Well I have a photograph if you need proof (laughs) Anyway I found a group in SL and they helped me immensely.  They had a 5 step programme that effectively weaned me off of poseballs and sex clubs and taught me shame, humility and a sense of respect.

Lanai: Yes! I’ve heard about that program. The furry community has really stepped up their game to help the SL community aside from doing whatever it is they do behind the scenes. Tell me more about the 5 steps. 

Ex Sexball Addict: Well there were Furries there who had the same addiction so we all helped each other overcome this nasty affliction.  Step 1 is realization, admitting you have a problem and coming to terms with it.  Step 2 is the shame, the shame it brings on you and others.  The other steps i can’t quite remember

Lanai: MMhmm. I see… Sounds like an Alcoholics Anonymous program.

Ex Sexball Addict: Well i never been to one of them so i wouldn’t know

Lanai: Well, from what I heard they really put you through it and you have to call a sponsor whenever you get the urge.  So Anyway,  now that you are recovering from your sex addiction in Second life, do you mind if I ask…..Did you remove your ummm *points at his packet*. I figure it's the first step in the program…

Ex Sexball Addict: No, I still keep it there for posterity.  That and it helps me tell the time and find water. (laughs)

Lanai: LMAO. OK then.

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) no I still have it in my inventory for that special lady when the time comes to settle down.

Lanai: Well, that brings me to my next question because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and we all know what’s on everyone's mind on that day. What are your plans?

Ex Sexball Addict: I don’t know in all honesty, I'm not looking for love in SL right now, or anything else for that matter, but who knows?  Maybe that special someone is right around the corner and we can have a lasting relationship with or without pixel humping.

Lanai: Lasting relationships in SL are a myth. You have more of a chance finding a Unicorn in a thong.  So basically you are telling me that you are practicing abstinence for the rest of your SLife?

Ex Sexball Addict: (laughs) That’s not the attitude they taught on the programme.  No, just til the right woman comes along.  Until then, I’m being a good boy and remembering what the programme taught me.

Lanai: Well, all I can say is I wish you the best of luck in your continued sex sobriety.

Ex Sexball Addict: Thank you, that means a lot.

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