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Tuesday, November 6, 2012


What could be more romantic I ask you, than a visit to the Zoo? Especially In those early days of tentative courtship where you are trying to work out if your intended is trying to get into your panties or if he is more interested in you and spending time in your company. A visit to the zoo can be the most romantic of occasions and most telling too as my recent date proved. There is something endearing and bonding about holding hands and wandering around lost in love, past incarcerated animals, so if you are searching for the ideal date and want to give him the ideal excuse to protect you from the man eating Tigers,  take him down  to Parktown zoo.

Parktown zoo is cute, it’s sweet. It has the happy factor that you get when you go somewhere that you realise must have amused the builder no end in constructing. It could in common with most RL Zoos use a little updating, but generally the animals are very well exhibited and the exhibits are many and varied. It’s charming and whimsical and well worth a visit.

At the Zoo entrance you’ll find a series of vending machines, selling the usual range of Zoo goodies to encourage you to part with your lindens including Balloon animals, soda and popcorn.  I recommend you start by buying a balloon. These are rather fun and float and bob above your head. Position your balloon carefully so it doesn’t obscure your face, and clutch it endearingly. You’ll look cute and endearing, it’s a perfect start to getting those protective instincts kicking in. Did he offer to buy your balloon? Always a good and promising sign if he does.

Decline the offer of Popcorn. One doesn't want to be observed chowing down like a hog in his company, it’s not ladylike and there is always the danger of breaking a tooth on a kernel.

At the adjacent Fortune tellers, pause for a moment to have your fortune read by Zoltan. He is rather creepy and sounded not dissimilar to Vincent Price.   If he told you, you  will “meet a tall dark handsome stranger”, it is advisable to giggle enchantingly and to shyly mention that you ‘might’ have done so already. If your companion is blonde, it might be politically correct to mention that you think fortune telling is a complete waste of time.

By the front entrance you will find the alligators as well as a kiosk which directs you to a rather nice WWF website.   My companion had decided to abandon me early on and had wandered off to discover what the elephants were up to. This was not a good sign so  early on in the proceedings.  I …paid the entrance fee (There isn't one but there is a tip jar, and noted my companion was too cheap to contribute to this lovely little Zoo, which I think is a shame because I’m on a personal crusade here to try to keep It open. It is a darling little place and a lot of thought has gone into it, so I do urge you to use the tip jars, which in this case looked like a Monkey and is sat right outside the elephants.)

The alligator didn't look too ferocious, in fact it barely moved at all. I presumed this was an attempt to lull me into a false sense of security, so I heeded the sign which asked me not to feed  it. I was starting to feel that my companion would make a suitable candidate for crocodile consumption but as I could no longer see him, both inclination and opportunity soon passed and I trotted off to locate him inside the Aquarium. When I say I found him inside I mean he was literally inside the tank.  Feeling brave I joined him and we watched the great whites circle us for several moments.

The Aquarium exhibit is nicely contained and I persuaded my companion to kiss me outside one of the larger tanks. I told him it would make a nice photo for this article.  Yes ladies, we must realise that all is fair in love and war and that base tactics are to be employed to get your man.

We soon discovered the tigers, situated by the front entrance and majestically pacing their cages with the same sort of bored look my companion had also developed.  He obligingly sat on one and posed for pictures whilst I secretly wished it would open its mouth and devour him whole. I have not included the photo I had originally intended here, since I messed with it in Photoshop and managed to merge his image disappearing down the Tigers throat and forgot to save the original. Instead I include a picture of a Lioness, resplendent in the concrete exhibit in which she is housed, along with the rest of her family. The Lion cub is especially cute.

I have deliberately not included all the exhibits here that the zoo has to offer, Rhinos, Giraffe, Snakes, Camels etc.  I would like you to see and discover it for yourselves, so I've held back a few surprises, but I couldn't resist taking this photo of my companion, sorry, I mean a Gorilla, who sat with his friends in a cage, looking ferocious and in dire need of bananas and a rain forest canopy.

Gentleman could I suggest here that when going somewhere Romantic, that you behave romantically and.that the uppermost thought in the back of your mind shouldn't be ‘How long till she gets bored and takes me home for rampant sex’ but of holding hands and quiet romantic  tenderness. Interlocking fingers and huskily whispering ‘You are as beautiful as any flamingo. This will go a long way, rather than my companion’s next move, which was to remark that most of his relatives resembled the Gorillas and to stick himself in an empty cage and declare himself one of the exhibits.

I paused to admire the giraffes and the elephants, and sat on one briefly just to confirm that I could.  My companion seemingly having yet again wandered off down to the duck ponds which are situated near the Giant Tortoise and birds.  Again, I stifled the inclination to drown him in the pond as I suggested to him that it would be romantic to feed the ducks. He agreed, and then abandoned me to do aerial acrobatics across the duck laden waters, while I stood feeding the ducks alone. Ladies, I will tell you now that a good indicator of the level of romantic interest your companion has in you, is to be found in the purchase of a small bag of bread from the nearby vendor. Should your companion stand by your side and attempt to feed the same ducks you are, you know you are on to a winner. Should he perform back flips over the heads of the ducks and launch himself from side to side in an attempt to span the duck pond in one easy flip then like me consider tossing him to the snake exhibition and wondering how high he can flip nestled in the acidic pool of stomach juices that constitute the digestive tract of a starving python.

I suggested to my companion (whose name I have omitted from this article on the off chance he reads it) and proposed that we pose for another romantic Kodak moment…. mainly because I was bored of photographing animals and wanted cuddles, kisses and sweet nothings, not to mention popcorn quite badly.  I got him to agree - so I want you all to stretch your imaginations and imagine that in this following picture we are in fact wildly romanced and full of the joys and anticipations that a romantic trip to the zoo should be all about.  In fact at this point we were barely talking and he seemed more interested in the weather and the fact that a blue parrot would look good in my bedroom. 

Now Ladies this is the bit I want you to learn from. As we paused by the Polar bears, and my imagination worked overtime on just how good he’d look with his head buried down the throat of two tons of artic giant, I suddenly blew it all and  piped up with.…”If you’d been more romantic you might have gotten laid’.  Do forgive my frankness here but as I discovered on uttering those fateful words, said companion took major umbrage. He disappeared in a fit of pique and disconnected.  Obviously this is not the guide to romantic SL locations as was originally intended, but rather a do’s and don’ts of dating. I hope that you have better luck in what I feel is a place made for romance and snuggling up, exploring and having a delightful old fashioned time.

Next time: I give him a chance to make up for it by taking me to the opening of a brand new zoo.


  1. Funny. As far as I understand, this is a parody of the "ladylike and romantic girl's behavior", right? - Mercury

  2. Nice have to there and check it out

  3. Not sure what ladylike and romantic girls behaviour is..but it sounds like something I'd read. I hope their dates were more successful than mine.

    Im taking volunteers to take me on a I can write about it afterwards.

  4. I don't know who I am more disappointed in, your Captain DBag for a horrible showing in representing us men on romantic dates, or you for not actually feeding him to the alligator after he ditched you at the beginning. Hope you find love soon M. xoxo

  5. There's a zoo in sl? I will check this out and let you know what experience I have there.

  6. There are all sorts of cool places to see exotic animals in SL, just keep looking..!


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