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Monday, February 25, 2013

Dating in Second Life© - Definate Balfour Reporting…

I’ve done it, you’ve most likely done it, and honestly I really don’t know of too many who haven’t done it. What is ‘it’ you might be wondering?  Dating is ‘it’!
You roam the grid and you see it happening all the time, partnerships, engagements, and even people that have found love beyond the pixel, but all these things began the same way, dating. I wanted to know about others’ experiences, what they look for, and any advice that they may be able to provide. What other way to do this than asking avatars?

I began my journey to answer these questions by simply asking them. I came up with basic questions for friends, family, and even strangers to make things more even. I wanted unbiased answers, things that may not have been told to me by friends and family.
What I asked were the following:

1.Before agreeing to a date, what is something that special person must have in attributes?
2. What are things you value in another person?
3. What is your ideal date, what would make the date perfect?
4. What's a deal breaker, something that would cause you to not want a second date or even see that person again?
5. Do you use your past experiences to judge during a date?
6. What's something you've found common place with those you date?
7. What would you say is your overall experience in dating here in SL?
8. Do you use Second Life to springboard into dating irl? 
9. If you do use SL to find someone in real life, what are the qualities of the person they must have irl? 
10. If you don't use SL to find someone in real life, what are you reasons to keeping it strictly SL?

These questions got answered in a similar way from all the people I talked to, they all value honesty and conversation. Deal breakers ranged from rudeness to talking about their exes and conquests, but at the end I learned that the Second Life we all have and our first isn’t that far apart. With spring and love in the air,  a word of caution I could give would be that not everyone in Second Life wanted things to go beyond the virtual world.

Ideal dates are filled with conversation, good spirits, and an overall enjoyment of the other person. Those wants including being with that other person for more, do lead to second dates and relationships. Uniquely, like ‘real life’ Second Life does have huds and some even go as far as having virtual sex and even having prim babies. It is an interesting aspect when Second Life contains these things because it can cause potential drama. Of those interviewed many openly admitted they take these experiences as lessons that help mold them into who they become.

To stop learning about themselves stunts their growths, which is understandable, but sadly some use these experience cause heartache and hard feelings and leads to pre-judging those they come in contact with. This can stunt other experiences and growth and result in horrible times and relationships for them.

Words of caution comes from those that answered how they wished that things remained in Second Life.  I told all those I spoke to that they could remain anonymous. I felt that made them more comfortable answering my questions.

Many in Second Life have serious relationships or families beyond Second Life and wanted me to point out how stressful it can be when they find someone that pushes real life relationships when they simple can’t go beyond Second Life.

 Though they feel and care about their real relationship, it doesn’t mean that those they date in their Second Life won’t be cared about. It seems to be a big misconception.
The common thoughts on this are they’re one in the same, but for many it’s a complex structure of themselves and extensions of themselves. You’d be surprised, like I was about how many have their real life families in Second Life with them, some with their own families, experiencing their own things, and in some cases even Second Life family members in one way or another.

I cannot leave out those that do date in Second Life and it becomes a beautiful first life experience for them. I find it personally beautiful when you can find that connection, but on the same note I can’t help but remember articles about Second Life love becoming first life love and it going sour.

Those links are about the same couple that met in Second Life, married, and eventually divorced because of it, even the evolution beyond the divorce that developed. I did find another link that was interesting, an article covered on the types of people found in Second Life.

I leave you on the notes of these links for you your own casual reading; I enjoyed the research of this article and the journey of meeting  people that were willing to talk to me candidly about themselves and dating, the pros and the cons of it all, and I discovered Second Life is a lot like first in the ways of dating and its dangers, as I already had thought from my own experiences of dating in Second Life.
A personal word of advice is simple be careful. Not everyone is what or whom they say they are and it can end up very painful for you if you’re not on guard. Second Life can be a beautiful environment for socializing, but it has a dark side of cruelty and hurtfulness as well.  Take the steps you need to protect yourself.

Other resources:


  1. First dates can be nerve-racking and daunting. The desire to make the best impression can make getting through first dates a little difficult.. my blog


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