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Sunday, April 5, 2015

Interview with The Easter Bunny 2015

It is always interesting interviewing holiday mascots in Second Life. Some are reluctant to be interviewed by The SL Enquirer while others take their chances and hope for the best. As ridiculous as these interviews can get I usually have fun with them. This year I caught up with the Easter Bunny but it took a weird turn. Some mascots seriously need to be screened for strange addictions and drug abuse.

Lanai: Hi. I was told I could find the Easter Bunny here. Can you tell me where he is?
Easter Bunny:  Hey there sexy! You are looking at him.

Lanai: Ohhhh. You aren’t the kind of bunny I was expecting to find. What happened to last year’s Easter mascot? I don’t remember him having a British accent and dressed like a Playgirl playmate.

Easter Bunny: Pickings were slim this year for the position so here I am.  As unfortunate as it sounds that bloody fur ball got fired and thrown in the clinker for selling synthetic Easter grass to avatars. He was busted by an undercover Linden.

Lanai: Oh My! That’s terrible news. And you are the replacement?

Easter Bunny: Yes I am and tell me about it.  Of all the wonderful things he could have been doing like orchestrating grand Easter egg hunts and filling baskets with tasty treats, he decided to make the holiday mascot community look bad with his utterly atrocious and repulsive behavior!

Lanai: I can see how this has personally affected you but don’t you think you should be looking a bit more traditional and kid friendly?  What made you apply for the position?

Easter Bunny: That is a brilliant question Ms. Jarrico. Maybe my uniform is a bit edgy and erotic but I can get the job done. I was given this position through a temp agency. It has been hard for me to find a real job since rehab. I was originally looking for something with more dignity and self respect.  But I had no other choice. It was either this, a stripper, escort or Furry park ranger. Those jobs would have been counterproductive in my recovery.

Lanai: What is this virtual world coming to? Rehab??? I don’t mean to be all judgy but don’t they screen holiday mascot applicants and have a dress code?

Easter Bunny: Apparently not.  I can see my looks being a distraction. You keep staring at my carrot.  Rest assured I’m a changed man. My days hooked on sex are over.

Lanai: Oh sorry but that carrot of yours is hard to miss.  I have to say, this interview is getting more awkward by the minute. So you were in rehab for sex addiction?

Easter Bunny: Admitting that I had a problem was the first step. Yes, I was at it like a raging hormonal rabbit. It got to the point where I was facing kidney failure from severe dehydration.

Lanai: Uhhh.

Easter Bunny:  What?

Lanai: nothing. So, what do you have planned for Easter Festivities this year?

Easter Bunny: Well, rather than hosting Easter egg hunts, I was thinking it would be fun to play hide the carrot.

Lanai: How does that relate to this holiday though?

Easter Bunny: Well… You know everyone likes a good hunt right? I have a nice big carrot here…

Lanai: OK stop! This is getting a bit uncomfortable. Don’t you think hiding your carrot sounds like a sexual reference? I’m not sure it is a good idea.

Easter Bunny: How do you know that? Let’s do a test run and see how you like it.

Lanai: I don’t think so. It seems to me you are relapsing.

Easter Bunny: I’ve been sex free for nearly an hour. That is a new record for me.

Lanai: Unbelievable.  Do you have a sponsor helping you?

Easter Bunny: Yes, it is funny that you asked. Cupid is my sponsor.

Lanai: Cupid? Really!?! Wow of all the sponsors they could have set you up with, Cupid was the most ideal choice?

Easter Bunny: Yes , due to his erectile dysfunction, they figured he would be able to keep me from relapsing and giving in to my sexual urges.

Lanai: Where is he now?

Easter Bunny: at the bar.

Lanai: Is this some kind of sick joke? You holiday mascots are all screwed up. Why do I suddenly feel like this is a Dr. Phil combined with Jerry Springer episode? I was hoping to interview you about Easter but this has turned into some kind of weird confession and intervention.

Easter Bunny: I know this interview has you feeling a bit confused and uncomfortable. Let me relieve your stress. How about we go back to my place and talk over dinner and wine.

Lanai: You have got to be kidding me! I’m out of here.



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