It has definitely been a challenge trying to find the perfect Halloween mascot to interview. It appears they only have interaction with their intended victims, can’t speak proper English, or they try to sexually harass me. I am still traumatized by Frankenstein’s Monster’s use of my microphone in my last interview attempt. Anyway, While contemplating giving up on Halloween Mascot interviews altogether, I ended up finding a bench in a local prim cemetery to ponder what to do next…
It was getting late so I was about to leave. In the distance, I heard what sounded like two people arguing. The tone was like an old married couple bickering. I followed the voices and came across a silhouette of man standing alone with his back to me. As I approached, I couldn’t help but notice the strong smell of hickory smoked bacon and no other person nearby. I found it kind of strange. My curiosity always gets the best of me so I approached this figure and poked him on the shoulder.
To my surprise it was Two-Face Harvey Dent, one of Batman’s worst enemies. Apparently it wasn’t always that way. In fact, he was Batman’s ally at one point when he was the district attorney for Gotham City. According to sources, Two-Face ended up going insane after a botched hit when a mob boss threw acid on him, scarring half of his body. Knowing that Two-Face was very unpredictable when he flipped a coin to determine if he would act out in good or evil, I stood in silence as he slowly turned around and gave me a strange look.
For a moment we stood in silence until he randomly busted out laughing and then crying. I didn’t know what to do. I’m no therapist, but it appeared he needed some kind of professional help--so I did what I do best--and I started an interview with him.
Lanai: Hey there Two-Face, I’m sorry for interrupting you but are you ok?
Two -Face: Stay out of it Lady this is between my good and bad side... OMG I’m sooo sorry.... You can stay this is a public place...Ohh FFS!
Lanai: Not judging but are you on drugs?
Two- Face: It’s none of your business now scram!.... Heeeey! you are that reporter for that wacky SL newspaper right?... It (BLEEPING) Sucks!.....well, I love it.
Lanai: Uhhhh, Yes? OK….. Wait what?
Two-Face: You heard me lady!... Stop being an ass to Lanai she is a civilian and has nothing to do with why you are so upset!… Screw her and screw you too!.....Imbecile.
Lanai: OK this is getting very awkward. I really should go…
Two-Face: No wait!... Before you leave I think the public should know something about my better half here…. Just get out of here!...NO please stay!
Lanai: ok…. *confused look*
Two-Face: The bad side of me has a secret that would blow the lid off of Gotham City and Batman’s reputation... OMG don’t you dare!
Lanai: Go on….This should be interesting.
Two-Face: My bad half has a fetish called Symphorophilia. He likes to stage and watch disaster and we get an erection every time he sees something blow up…. I can’t stand it!..... You have issues. ….. Ohhhh no you didn’t!.... Yes I did!.... Fine!... I’m telling Lanai about your Furry fetish…. I can’t go anywhere without you wanting to yiff anything with fur…. I felt sorry for the Easter Bunny… (BLEEP) you dude…. No! (BLEEEP) You!
Lanai: *sighs* Ok enough...,this is just NOT working out. All I wanted to know is how you would be spending Halloween…
Two-Faced: Halloween? It is against my religion….Not mine!....If I could get rid of you without committing suicide I would!.....Well then! You aren’t exactly my favorite person either!...
The next thing I knew he began to argue with himself again, switching personalities back and forth. I stood there way too long like a third wheel just listening as this train-wreck of a person verbally assaulted his alter ego. Two-Face definitely has multiple personalities and they conflict with each other. After I heard more than I wanted to, I decided it would be best to stay out of it and try interviewing another holiday mascot next month.
Have a Safe and Happy Halloween SLE Fans!