How couples make it work through distance and time…
I was tasked with finding out how to make a relationship successful in SL, since I’m happily married in RL, I sought out a few friends who had strong, healthy SL relationships. The thing about relationships in SL is that often times, the people involved have a partner at home, as well, despite a successful relationship with an SL partner. In the honor of my opinion that true love should also be completely loyal, I’ve given the most space to Hoot Wittles, and MysticallDream, a couple who are very in love, and without RL partners, quite the opposite in fact, it’s obvious to any that know them that they’re very much in love. In honor of fairness, I also included tales from those who DO have partners in RL in the interest of unbiased journalism. Here are their stories, enjoy, learn, or just savor the endorphin rush!
LillyLacewing: Would you LIKE to meet in person?
Hoot Wittels: Yes, I would very much!
mysticalldream11: Would like to one day, yes!
Hoot Wittels: We had agreed initially to give it 1 year from our relationship to do so
LillyLacewing: Wow, that's a long commitment. Good job. :)
Hoot Wittels: That what I thought, has been more than worth it for our growth!
LillyLacewing: How do you handle the distance, and do you ever have any problems with jealousy? I imagine it must be hard to feel so strongly for someone you can't have in the same room with you?
Hoot Wittels: Initially, I was pretty overwhelmed and had some feeling of jealousy I guess, and wanted to meet as soon as possible - we live in the same time zone, only 5 hours away from each other. Speaking for myself, that was soon quashed when the relationship grew so fast. We are what is called ‘Twin Flames’ that were destined to meet again, we both feel that we have been together before in other incarnations on the earth plane so to be apart now is not so different really.
mysticalldream11: It is hard sometimes but we have such a soul connection that enables me to feel him with me even when we are not together. I so trust our love for each other that I do not often feel jealous and if it does come up I talk to Hoot about it and we will work it through by exploring ourselves, and the circumstances together on a deeper level. We both believe that life is experience, and we are both so open to really listening to each other without defensiveness, and that is a huge key.
LillyLacewing: Wow, you both have a very mature way of approaching this. Ok, so now what I would like to hear, from each of you, is a bit of advice! What would you tell couples who feel strongly for each other, but are struggling with the strain of distance/fears/jealousy?
Hoot Wittels: To answer your question. Advice is something that has to be asked for to be received well. I guess if someone was to ask me I would say that one should not lean into any relationship, feel it in your heart first. What I mean when I say leaning into ones partner is to be demanding, unkind or without compassionate about their time, RL , or other needs. I have met a few successful SL relationships that have RL partners, and SL partners, and keep it very separate. We are not that way. We are very close, closer than I have ever been with anyone in my life.
mysticalldream11: I think every life experience is a lesson and an opportunity. It is difficult to give advice when I do not know the life perspective that one has. We all look at life so differently. Sometimes people are stuck in "being right" and not keeping open to the other persons’ point of view. I’d say “What do you want, to be right, or to love? Think of the moments you love that person, what draws you to that person. Focus on more of the yes's than the no's. Really put yourself in the other persons’ shoes and try to feel their point of view. These are all things that I have had to learn and with Hoot he helps keep me on track. It is amazing to resolve issues together with him, and each time we do we grow closer.
Bliss and Rod.
Lilly: How did you two meet?
Bliss: We met at Franks Jazz Club...Rod asked me to dance. I had just come out of a relationship & was so not wanting another one. I was feeling bad at the time & he was so patient with me. We chatted & sailed for the first month before we ever became romantic lol
Lilly: How long have you been together?
Bliss: We have been together for 1 yr & 4 months
Lilly: Any advice for serious couple who want to make it in SL?
Bliss: Yes for sure... take time to get to know each other...don't rush into partnering... keep a drama free zone...SL should be fun, loving & peaceful...accept what your partner can give here, don't try to control him/her & demand more... let go of unreasonable expectations...ask for what you want & then let it go...keep things fresh & exciting, keep things fun whenever possible... spend time with friends when your partner can't be here...keeping a life of your own going in addition to the life you share with your partner helps one maintain independence even here on sl... & above all communicate your feelings, trust, respect & love one another...life could be absolutely blissful here !! :o)
Advice from ‘Granny.’ Granny is a lady who found true love on SL, and while she didn’t have time to answer all of the questions from above, she take time to sprinkle me with the following advice, on condition of anonymity of course.
Granny: “Honey, SL can only be taken as seriously as you want it to be, so my advice, find someone who’s as into you as you are into them, and don’t tell your husband!”