Recently I met up with Father Time who seemed annoyed but still did an interview. He reminded me why Cupid and I had a falling out so not only did I go on my quest to find him but I wanted to apologize for last year. I really didn’t mean to beat him to a pulp with a fist full of roses. I don’t like to get startled. With that said, I search across the grid and found him minding his own business at Japanese Tempura Island where he was taking a Tai Chi Class.
Lanai: CUPID! Long time no see! Let me apologize for last year. I really didn’t mean to attack you with roses. I’m sorry *makes a pouty face*
Cupid: OMG, it’s you! Stay away from me. You are like a sour patch kid commercials amplified! Can’t you see I’m busy!
Lanai: Don’t tell me you are still butt hurt over what happened. It’s been a year, let that shit go. You shouldn’t have startled me. You know my swing reflex is something different..
Cupid: Something different?? That was totally a manic Karen episode! To top it all off you were trespassing in MY garden!
Lanai: Cupid, you know you love me so stop putting up a front. Father time told me all about your holiday date switching plan to avoid me. That’s not how you treat your FWB.
Cupid: Oh he did? So you tracked him down too? You are supposed to stay at least 500 yards away from me.
Lanai: Yea.. that expired. And stop acting jealous. You didn't have to get the other mascots involved in our personal business.
Cupid: Ohh they have their own reasons for avoiding you. Do I need to remind you what you did to the Easter Bunny on April Fools day? He had to wear a furry pink onesie on Easter and spent the rest of the year hiding so his own fur would grow back in. He looked like a giant overstuffed mole rat with big ears. I never want to see a grown Easter Bunny ugly cry ever again in my life. It’s horrifying.
Lanai: It was kinda funny… at the time. Don’t tell me you never switched someone's shampoo for Nair before. Live a little.
Cupid: NO!!! That’s a terrible prank. What about the time you caused a vicious fight between Larry the Leprechaun and one of Santa’s helpers. They accidentally sewed the wrong ear onto the other. I don’t think they ever found the other missing ear.
Lanai: Hey, that had nothing to do with me. I was at The Blarney Stone having a couple drinks while minding my own business when I heard them arguing about who’s taller. All I did was say, Larry had about a centimeter over the elf. That's when the ear tugging began and well. Yea , that wasn't my fault!
Cupid: MMhmm. Ok what about the time you put cannabis oil in Mrs. Clause’s brownies and Santa got pulled over while delivering Christmas presents. Good thing everyone loves Santa and they let him off with a warning. Mrs. Clause broke an ankle trying to dance on the table and slipped. You nearly canceled Christmas for everyone!
Lanai: Wasn’t me.
Cupid: Lanai, you dropped your medical marijuana card and Mrs.Claus found it in her kitchen… Why do you think you got coal this year?
Lanai:Oh, I was wondering where it was. About the coal though, I collect rocks and figured it was a thoughtful gift! All I was doing was adding a little jolliness to his long night. Lighten up, Christmas was a success. I heard even naughty kids got presents this year.
Cupid: SMH. Why are we having this interview again?
Lanai: Because Valentine’s day is coming up and I wanted to know if you had any words of wisdom for all the lovers out there.
Cupid: Well first of all to any guy who has the slightest interest in asking you to be their Valentine should think twice. Your reputation for being a heartbreaker is probably the most frequently used search term on the internet next to Drones in New Jersey.
Lanai: Anyway…You are just mad that I wouldn't be your Valentine. Remember the time I caught you trying to play a harp at my window while humming a rap song? That was really weird. Of course I threw a shoe at you and turned you down.
Cupid: See. You can’t even appreciate a kind gesture after an amazing time. You… You… heart of stone Queen! I totally regret that night.
Lanai: Not the night before though… lol. Stop spreading fake news and work on your name calling…
Cupid:*facepalm* Lanai, you have a way of making people love and hate you at the same time. I’m not sure where this interview is going but I need to pick up my arrows and get ready for Valentine’s day. I have Love to spread.
Lanai: So do I. I’ll see you later. *winks*
Cupid: *rolls eyes* You are something else. Want to Netflix and chill?
Lanai: Are you asking me out?
Cupid: No…
Lanai: OK, come over.
Special thanks to Edge Catteneo