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18 Years and counting...Got SL News? Get it Published! Contact Lanai Jarrico at lanaijarrico@gmail.com
Showing posts with label interview. Show all posts
Showing posts with label interview. Show all posts

Saturday, March 16, 2024

HOLIDAY MASCOT SERIES: Interview with a Female Leprechaun 2024- Lanai Jarrico Reporting

 



Before we get into this extra peculiar interview with this year’s St Patrick’s day mascot, I wanted to remind St Patrick’s Day fans what the holiday is really about since it seems to be associated with drinking….heavily.



  St Patricks Day was first officially observed in 1631 when the church put together a feast day honoring St Patrick; the Patron Saint of Ireland.


 Back story time… Did you know St Patrick was kidnapped from Britain and sold into slavery in Ireland when he was 16 years old.  He escaped six years later and vowed to convert Ireland into Christianity and vanquished all snakes from Ireland not that there were any there to begin with. I think it's a metaphor for banishing evil.


 He wasn’t Irish nor was Patrick his real name. It was derived from the word “Patricus' ' in Latin; meaning nobleman or father figure. His real name was Maewyn Succat and he claimed that he deserved being kidnapped because of his lack of faith in God. He also claimed to hear voices and have visions too. Kinda like Joan of Arc. That’s pretty deep ya’ll.




Besides that, green wasn’t his favorite color either. It was blue. But be careful though…. rumor has it, If you don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, you might get pinched by a Leprechaun! 


Let me not even get started on the history of those holiday mascots...they are shoemakers that have some sort of fetish for gold that they hide at the end of a rainbow. If the gold is found, the little imp will grant three wishes.  Shrugs  I don’t know about you but I think it got a bit too Disney for me.


As far as the shamrock is concerned, there’s no evidence St Patrick was a gardener or ever wore a clover...It's a metaphor, a symbol for the holy trinity with the 3 leaves presenting the Father, the son and the holy spirit.


If we wanna throw it out there and keep it real. This holiday was really derived from Pagans,  there was a lot of that witchery going on back then. March 17th was originally Ostara; the spring equinox, celebrating rebirth and the balance of the universe but it got hijacked by another religion. Now it seems to hold no religious value at all.


I’m no historian or religious freak but I know a little somethin’.  I frankly don’t know what is being celebrated today though. It turned into a universal day of  heavy drinking, pub crawls, lots of green and a hangover the next day.


In Second life, the holiday is about venue hopping,music and dancing while double fisting virtual beverages. Our avatar is not responsible for our real person's consumption habits on this day or any other day for that matter.


 I think I like this version of holiday observation best because I can actually interview a leprechaun and not even feel weird about it.


 With that said…


St. Patrick’s day is right around the corner so off I ventured the grid in search of this year’s  little green dude to snatch up and interrogate errrr…. Interview. I went to my old haunt for holiday mascots and didn’t find any leprechauns at an AA meeting…oddly enough.


 I even tried looking for the end of a rainbow and it led me to an LGBTQIA club. I hung out there a bit with great music and friendly peeps,  then decided to go to the next best place…. The Blarney Stone -Irish Pub.



I was a bit hesitant to go inside at first because of past history that I do not care to discuss. Let’s just say it was so worth the SLE police report at the time lol.


Anyway, while ordering up a nice cold Guiness and scanning the place, I noticed what looked like a giant Leprechaun.  She seemed a bit intoxicated while dancing around and somewhat singing the lyrics to a song like a drunken karaoke superstar.


 I dropped my tab and tip on the bar and walked over to her. The first question I wanted to ask was where she shops when she voluntarily slurred out that she was a Leprechaun lookin for a good time. I found it a bit strange being that she was the height of an average avatar and that she was…. what appeared to be a woman…



Thinking to myself, this holiday cannot get any stranger with its constant evolution but decided I’ll interview her. What do I have to lose, except for readers who aren't into this crazy kinda shit.



INTERVIEW WITH JEZEBEL THE LEPRECHAUN


Lanai: Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. I wanted to ask…


Jezebel: Hey beautiful. Come dance with me.


Lanai: Oh thank you for the offer but I wasn’t hitting on you. I just wanted to know where you shop. That is a creative outfit you have on.


Jezebel: Ohh my bad. I’m a Leprechaun.. Well half. My dad is… my mom…she’s an elf. I get my ears from my momma.


Lanai: Who’d you get the height from?


Jezebel: My mother told me to never ask her those types of questions... She was a drunk when I was conceived and barely remembers my dad.


Lanai: Sorry I didn't mean to get all personal.


Jezebel: Not at all. I’ve been trying to get him to take a paternity test but he refused to give up gold in child support.


Lanai: Dang, Sorry to hear all that.  I must say you are the first female leprechaun I’ve met or even heard of.


Jezebel: I get that all the time lol. I wasn’t born this way. With the abundance of acceptance in the SL community, my love of Lady Gaga and excessive amounts of makeup and lashes I am living my true self and loving it. 


Lanai: Well you go girl! Live your best Slife. There is nothing wrong with that!



Jezebel: Thank you! So you're a journalist huh?


Lanai: I’ve been called worse lol. Yes and was out looking for a Leprechaun to interview for St Patrick's day


Jezebel: Well you came to the right place honey. I’ll answer your questions since I’m technically one.


Lanai: *looks at her with a long contemplating stare*


Jezebel: What?



Lanai: This is the first time I'm lost for words. I don’t even know what to ask you.


Jezebel: I understand all that glitters is not gold and all those tacky sayings but you did hit the jackpot lady luck. I’ll be your best interview ever!


Lanai: Ok… So what are your plans for St. Patrick’s Day?


Jezebel: I really didn’t have any plans, I was hoping you could give me some ideas.


Lanai: What’s the point if a leprechaun doesn’t even have plans? I think most avies nowadays just treat it like another day in SL. Others, I suppose visit St. Patty’s Day themed events to take advantage of any contests or sales happening. Other than that, I’m as stumped as you are.



Jezebel: As a leprechaun and unofficial St. Patrick’s Day representative I propose that everyone visit The Blarney Stone Irish Pub. It’s as Irish as it gets in SL. *shrugs* Besides that, name dropping their venue in The SL Enquirer might get me some popularity points with management. I’ve been looking for a job.



Lanai: FFS… Would you happen to know where the Easter Bunny likes to hang out?



Jezebel: Umm. Why am I suddenly feeling used for your next interview project?



Lanai:  Well yeah, thank you for the inspiration. I  wish you luck with your new job if you get it.




Jezebel: Thanks. Sorry gotta run!  my wife just pulled into the driveway, I was supposed to take chicken out of the freezer a couple hours ago to defrost. 


*oops* I’m so embarrassed. I didn’t mean to type that in open chat.



Lanai: *stares in disbelief*






Sometimes you have to admit defeat, even in the writing game. Not all interviews come easy and this one just baffled the hell out of me.


*Cheers* 


 Happy St Patrick's day!




Wednesday, February 14, 2024

INTERVIEW WITH CUPID 2024 Lanai Jarrico Reporting…




Last year’s Cupid managed to pull off a flawless Valentine’s Day, connecting couples and helping aid the population growth on the grid. It wasn’t from any *clears throat* threats or anything. However, once his assignment was done I heard “Bob” collected his payout, changed his identity and hopped on a plane to an undisclosed location never to be heard from again. Typical of a dead beat prim baby daddy.



 Once again, I had to find another Valentine’s Day mascot to fill his speedos and wings and made sure this one was a sharp shooter. (so I thought) I went back to the only place known to have a high volume of holiday Mascots in attendance;  An AA Meeting (Avatars Anonymous).


 It didn’t take long to spot the perfect one for the Job. Meet Alejandro, this year’s Cupid…





Lanai: Hi Alejandro, thank you for willingly accepting the position to take on the very important task of Cupid. Not every day can you shoot someone with an arrow and it's totally legal, in fact welcomed by lonely souls seeking Love on Valentine’s Day.


Alejandro: Lanai, thank you for the job offer. I have been searching for one in Second life with no real luck since getting out of rehab. It seems the only jobs available these days, aside from escorting and stripping, are club host and the occasional fluffer for adult machinima. They definitely don’t pay enough for those short films.



Lanai: I wouldn't know… but with a name like Alejandro, you seem to fit the criteria I am looking for to fill the position for Cupid 2024. Can I ask who your hairstylist is cause maaan, you are rockin those waves!


Alejandro: Oh thank you, *flips hair*.  His name is Glitter Fancypants, would you like his number? So… when would you like me to start?





Lanai: Nah, I’m OK thank you. First things first, you need an authentic Cupid Uniform. This year let's add a little spice to the mix. According to my comment box, a lot of avatars are looking more for flings rather than long term commitments. Swinging and swapping seem to be the new craze so what I would like you to do is recruit associates to assist you in matchmaking. Kinda like a Love Coaching Squad!




Alejandro:  Interesting… I guess I can recruit some of my ex-fluffer co-workers to assist, They have been looking for supplemental income. We’ve all been squatting together in an abandoned free linden home and it’s getting kinda tight.


Lanai: I’m all for helping avies climb out of SL poverty if they are able to maintain a job.  I have only one concern about your roommates. They are not allowed to use arrows on themselves. Word on the street is some fluffers have addiction problems and I’m not going to supply and contribute to it. You included.


Alejandro: I understand.. Never get high on your own supply. The greatest rapper ever; Big Poppa coined that phrase in 10 Crack commandments.


Lanai: I love Big Poppa. He certainly was a lyrical genius. Rest his soul.


Alejandro: Yea so, once I gather my crew, What would you like us to do first?


Lanai: Take showers and maybe make an appointment with Glitter and I will supply the uniforms. *hands him some money to pay his utility bills to ensure he has hot water*


Alejandro: You are too kind Ms Jarrico. We will not disappoint!


Lanai: Come see me in a week for your uniform fittings and from there I will interview your squad and possibly assign you all different regions to help the lonely souls of SL find Love.


Alejandro: See you soon you earth angel!


Lanai: I’ve been called many things, but that’s a first!  *smirks as she watches him prance off filled with joy*






ONE WEEK LATER


Alejandro: Lanai! I’d like to introduce you to the new Cupid Crew!  ChizelChest, CherryPie, ChocolateStar and Steve!


Lanai: Quite the batch of superhero rejects you brought back to me. Excuse me my filter doesn’t seem to be working….What is this? *sighs*, we have A LOT of work to do… Please follow me….


*hears whispers from the crew as they follow along*




Lanai: OK, as you all know you were….hand picked *rolls eyes* by Cupid *stares him down all disappointed*.... To assist with spreading Love across the grid and bringing avies together. Let me start by asking each of you what you feel you are bringing to the table for Valentine’s day?


Chisel Chest: *hesitates for a moment* Ms Jarrico, I just have to say I’m a big fan! I have followed your articles for years and I have to say… you are just the most amazing, talented beauty I have ever seen. What I’d like to bring to the table are these amazing pecs. *bounces them as a demonstration*


Lanai: Good lord. *turns her attention to CherryPie*


CherryPie:  Hi Ms Jarrico, unlike ChiselChest over here trying to impress you with that unique ability, let me show you what I can do. *gets down on the ground and twists her body into a pretzel. *struggles to speak* Being flexible is a major turn on and I’m here to teach the ladies how to attract a man *gasps for air*


Lanai: Ummm. Are you ok? Alejandro, can you please help her up?


Alejandro: *struggles to untwist her*


Lanai: for crying out loud you two look like you are playing geriatric twister… just… twist her arm back and move her leg the other way…. Omg you know what…. * SMH* What a disaster this is going to be….*looks at Steve* Please tell me you aren’t in the circus…


Steve: No mame.


Lanai: mame?



Steve: *clears throat* Ms Jarrico.


Lanai: *smiles and nods* So Steve, what is it YOU are bringing to the table?



Steve: I’m sure you are going to do  background checks, so I just wanted to put it out there so there are no surprises….. I was arrested at the Crack Den in 05’ for attempting to solicit a static prostitute. When she didn’t respond to my advances we got into a fistfight with me getting arrested for damaging an unmanned Alt and causing the failing venue to deteriorate even more. Since then, I’ve learned my lesson and I’m now visiting spiritual sims to redeem myself.


Lanai: I knew there was a reason you have a mustache like that!  Is there not one normal person in this room? Steve, I just don’t even have the words to respond to that and I’ve heard a whole lot of crazy ass stories throughout my SLife. Beating up a mannequin has got to be the lowest of the low on the totem pole of stupidity. What exactly are you bringing to the table?


Steve: *runs off crying*


Lanai: *looks at Chocolate Star*


ChocolateStar: * Twirls her hair while chewing gum and snapping selfies*


Lanai: ANYWAY….What a p****y… Alejandro, I’m so disappointed. Are you trying to sabotage Valentine’s Day or is this really the best you can do? You know what? You are all fired! I’m taking on the role of Cupid myself.



Alejandro: But Ms Jarrico….. In the history of Valentine’s Day… There has never been a female Cupid. Are you sure you want to do this?


Lanai: If you don’t get your ass out of here right now… I’m calling Josh.



 Alejandro: Say no more… *gets out in a hurry and take his clown crew with him*




Sorry SLE fans, I tried. I’m not sure I can bring anything to the table as a female Cupid. However, the best I can do is tell you all to find that perfect Valentine on your own and do with them what you want. Keep 'em, love em,  pop out some mesh babies, have a one night stand,  a throuple or do whatever it is you want to do on Valentine’s Day. Just don't go looking for love at an AA meeting.  Be happy, smile and enjoy the day. If you don’t hear the words “I love you….” Then the people around you are missing out on the amazing person you are. Love yourself and cherish it.


Happy Valentine’s day.



Lanai



Monday, December 11, 2023

INTERVIEW WITH SANTA 2023- Whos being Naughty or Nice?- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...

 



The holiday season is the time of year where people seem to evaluate how naughty or nice they have been as well as determine who gets gifts or a big ol’ lump of coal. This year I had a secret meeting with Santa to try and get an idea of how he rates my conduct this year so I can ... .agree or disagree with his findings in hopes I don’t end up taking hours shoveling the big pile of coal he left in my front yard last year. I personally think he made a mistake and it was meant for a neighbor… He has been very elusive this year and sending all my calls to voicemail so I decided to show up at this house in the North Pole unannounced to have a few words with him.





INTERVIEW WITH SANTA



*LANAI POUNDS ON THE DOOR LIKE THE SLPD* AND PEEKS THROUGH THE WINDOWS*



LANAI: Santa, I know you are in there! I just want to talk to you about a package left in my yard last year in error. It was clearly from you but the shipping fee was way too high to return it.



SANTA: Go away, I do not answer to solicitors.



LANAI: Stop playing, you know exactly who I am. 



SANTA: Lanai, you have got to be the biggest pain in the ass from the time you started walking.  think I don’t remember the child you were back then and the adult version you are today. Now go away! 


LANAI: Sighs. Do I have to remind you of the special brownies I left you instead of stale cookies over the years? What do you think makes you so jolly after stopping at my house on Christmas eve? Are we really going to have this conversation through a door? It’s cold. Let me in!



SANTA: *grumbling* Unlatches about 20 locks* Come in and stop shouting. I don’t need the reindeers knowing about that.


LANAI: It’s nice to see you too. *dusts off the snow and walks inside* So Santa, why do you hold such a grudge against me for every foul thing I may Have done. For every “minor” incident, I do like 20 nice things so stop dumping coal in my yard every year.



SANTA: Lanai, I have covered up for a lot of things you have done like the time you accidentally lit a whole sim on fire trying the magic hud you got for Christmas one year. Or in 2020 when you tried stealing a Christmas tree from the town square and ended up in the paper as the victim.



LANAI: Wasn’t me and the tree thing… I was traumatized! Don’t you have any compassion!



SANTA: Lanai…. You dropped your ID when you hauled ass out of there after the fire, they even got you on video… And you are lucky I pulled some string to have it reported in the newspaper in your favor!


LANAI: Fine. I admit that was an accident. I didn’t know pressing the red button would blow up a whole sim, no one got hurt…. I’ll admit the Christmas tree incident was kinda my fault…Thank you for the cover up but you didn't have to give them a picture to use!




SANTA: Thank goodness no one was hurt either time!  What about the time you cause an all out brawl at an Avatar anonymous meeting with all the holiday mascots. One of them lost a toe in the whole ordeal.


LANAI: Hey, they were already feuding before I got there. I tried to mediate but it got out of hand when cupid tried hitting on me and the Easter Bunny got jealous. Stop bringing up the past, I’m a new woman and I am devoting myself to peace and harmony.



SANTA:  Pfft. the only time the world is at peace and harmony is when you are sleeping! For once take some responsibility for your actions.  You continuously appear at catastrophic events in Second Life, yet none of it is your fault.



LANAI: I agree. I just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m a reporter. That’s usually how it goes. I’m constantly putting myself at the front lines risking my second life and you consider it all my fault!?! Enough about me. What about the time you needed me to talk some sense into Mrs. Clause, she was about to leave your ass for Father time. Or the time you got caught being a peeping tom instead of dropping off gifts at a swingers club which I will not name.


                                                (Lanai talked sense into Mrs. Clause)


SANTA: OMG, lower your voice, Mrs Clause is taking a nap.


LANAI: Santa, If I apologize, will you reconsider giving me my Christmas wish this year? I’m not asking for much.


SANTA: If I consider revising my naughty list for you, will you leave me alone?.... What is it you want?



LANAI: A man. Not just any man though. One who is smart, talented, gifted in specific areas, sexy, and wants only me. A Prince preferably.


Lanai’s dream man


SANTA: You just described Patrick Dempsey aka “MCDreamy”. He was featured in People’s Magazine 2023 as the sexiest man alive ya know. But he’s not a Prince…





LANAI: Are you kidding me? We weren’t even a match on the exclusive dating app Raya! Aside from that he placed 3rd in a Juggling contest back in high school and had aspirations to go to clown College. No thank you.


Just sayin’


SANTA: Fine. Let me see what I can do. Now if that is all you want you don’t have to leave the North Pole but you gots to get the hell out of here before the wife wakes up. You know she thinks we had a thing since that Christmas party back in 2009 when you sat on my lap and started singing “Happy Birthday Mr President”




LANAI: I don’t recall.



SANTA: Yea ok. You know exactly what you were trying to do.



LANAI: *blinks* Give me a little credit. That wasn’t a candy cane in your pocket…



SANTA: Lanai… I know you have a thing for me and all but, I cannot be your Christmas present!



LANAI: Don’t flatter yourself Mr Clause. One of the things I’m looking for is someone hot and I hate to break it to you. I was drunk off Eggnog that night. I’m not going to do this back and forth with you. I’ll be expecting a sexy man wrapped in a big ass bow under my tree Christmas morning. If not, I’m telling Mrs. Clause EVERYTHING! Including your account on squirt.org and about your 7 illegitimate kids that live with Snow White.




SANTA: OK! OK! Does height matter?



Lanai: MMMMhmmmm it sure does. Ok my mission is done here. Merry Christmas Santa, You should treat yourself to something special this year. Like a ticket to Mars on one of those SpaceX rockets. Bye Felicia!




Disclosure: This is a spoof interview. Santa really doesn’t have an account on squirt.org. Lanai was bluffing but perhaps he does since he didn't deny it. Everything he accused Lanai of is fake news. Everything about Patrick Dempsey is true but you can’t always believe everything you read on the internet.



 On behalf of The SL Enquirer, Have a very Merry Christmas and a super fantastic New Year!











Monday, July 3, 2023

Interview with Uncle Sam 2023- It ain't that kinda Party- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...

 


Interview with Uncle Sam- It ain't that kinda Party


Another year , another celebration for a country that most other countries don't really care for because of all the BLEEPERY. But hey I live here so I have to kinda sorta appreciate the fact that our forefathers signed the declaration of Independence to free us from the grips of Great Ol’ Britain.  Ahhhhh Freedom. I wonder what would have become of us all had those secret freemasons never decided to sever ties. The one thing I wish would have remained is the proper British accent. It’s sexy and sophisticated compared to our laid back lazy dialect.. 


Maybe it would have prevented a lot of the BS we deal with in this country today. It would be hard taking someone seriously who offers you tea after a heated confrontation. Oh Bloody hell.  Anyways, don’t mind me, I'm just rambling. Lemme stop before I get hate mail from people who might have gotten offended by that. To clear the air, I did my DNA Ancestry test and I can sit up here and say I have family ties to every country with the exception of Asia and Vikings.  


Speaking on that test though, it had me questioning if my dad was really my dad. My high concentration in Scotland, Ireland and dots around Europe As well as Africa’s Bantu people. It makes me feel like I was swapped at birth or something.. Ahhh genetics. I can’t wait til they disclose we are all alien experiments gone wrong.


 If we all took a step back, everyone in this world is related in some way. There’s no such thing as an illegal alien. That’s just rude, we are all aliens. Anyone who disagrees can go back to Mars or something. You need to get your life together.


Let it make sense. With that said, I decided to kick back and have a chat with Uncle Sam and find out why we continue to celebrate Independence and freedom in a country so divided in a world where eyes are on us like the bad kid at Sunday school.



Hey Uncle Sam, So… we meet at the Statue of Liberty… it’s been a while, last year it seems you took a day off for the holiday and could not be found. I’m guessing those student loans got you home for the holiday eating ramen noodles instead of a big fat steak on the grill.  



Uncle Sam: Hey Lanai… one of my least favorite nieces… It pains me to even ask, how have you been these days?  I heard you have been relocating across the country more than a fugitive. *sighs* This is the only place I feel like I can get away from it all and then you show up. Lady Liberty was a fine woman, we dated back in France. She was the love of my life but  She ended up running off with someone named Monalisa and moving to Italy. As one final blow, she had this big monstrosity of a statue shipped here to taunt me.



Lanai: Well damn not sure what to say to that.. Sorry to hear she did you dirty like that.  It’s great to see you too…yea I been around,  I still can’t decide which state is worse… So anyway, what are your plans for the 4th?



Uncle Sam: I’m glad you asked. I’m planning on having some words with the justice system over that major “Sike” move the commander in chief made with the whole student loan forgiveness plan. It appears all you educated imbeciles out there will start repaying those loans soon. It doesn't matter if you have a PhD, greeting people at the local Walmart or still trying to land that dream job that pays at least a 3rd of what your educated ass is worth.  It’s going to be a hardship for all. So brace yourself and cut back on getting your hair and nails done.


Lanai: That’s pretty BLEEPED up if you ask me. I literally went to the polls with hopes of some help. Man do I feel like a dumbass. I’m blaming Covid for everything, in addition to those dang wildfires fogging up our atmosphere. Not to mention stupid TikTok Videos that most will regret in 10 years.



Uncle Sam: Oh Lanai,you have a lot of ridiculous gripes. Of all my nieces and nephews , you are by far the most problematic.  Not even your distant cousins who struck up the whole witch trials in Salem held a candle to your antics. If you aren’t disappearing for months at a time doing god knows what, you are talking smack about stuff most of us want to sweep under the rug to keep the peace around here.


Lanai: Peace? Is that even a thing anymore? Peace was not having to answer a landline and letting it go straight to the answering machine or going to the corner store with 4 quarters as a kid and buying a pack of cigarettes without question. The shit we deal with today makes growing up in the 80s and 90’s feel like that was the best it would ever get…


Uncle Sam: True, the 80s and  90’s were pretty bad ass. Is crack still a thing? I’ve been around for a very long time and I’ve seen and done some shit. Today’s world sucks quite frankly and I just want to throw my patriotically decorated top hat to the flames and say (BLEEP) It. But I don’t want to be labeled as that crazy drunk uncle at the BBQs.


Lanai: *shakes head* well someone has to break it to you. Nobody really likes you. You tax the shit out of everyone and none of us know what the heck we are paying for. Our roads got potholes with potholes, our bridges are failing, nobody recycles anymore because garbage trucks toss everything into one big slurry bin and keep it movin’, the price of eggs went up, pot is legal but expensive as hell at the dispensary. It’s cheaper to hit up old  high school connections and get the street dirt. And now, we gotta worry about air quality because of someone flicking a cigarette in Canada? WTF.



Uncle Sam: I don’t even have the energy to put you over my knee and spank you over all that fake news. What is it that you want from me? 


Lanai: I just wanted to say Happy 4th of July…and ask if I can borrow a couple bucks. There’s the Cannabis Festival coming up.



Uncle Sam: I'm inviting myself. The only way to understand this crazy world is to remain under the influence of something other than you.



Lanai: *innocent grin*  🙂



 
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