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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Second Life Etiquette: Friendships And Deletions (part1)- Pandora Drezelan Reporting...

This is my first installment of a series of articles regarding etiquette in Second Life. In this series I will be addressing different forms of etiquette from how we mix and interact with people online in the virtual world to situations such as conducting friendships, business, deleting people to what makes a good profile and more. Everyone has their own opinion on good and bad behavior in an online situation and so I will begin this series by talking about friendships and deletions.

Making Friends In Second Life:

For most of us when we first arrive in Second Life making friends is a number one priority and to make as many friends as quickly as possible and for others Second Life is about learning as much as they can before embarking on a chain of friendships and some people choose to keep their contacts list to a very select few.

I have seen ‘no random friend requests’ written in a lot of Second Life profiles, it is written in my profile too, but why?

In my opinion there is a huge difference between friends and acquaintances. Friendships in any situation is something that grows in time and online bonding is no exception, our friends are our buddies, the ones we hang out with, talk to the most, shop with etc.

Acquaintances can range from anyone we talk to occasionally to our business contacts, not all friends share a true bond and some business contacts can end up in an ongoing friendship, so it really depends on the people involved and the situation.

So how long do you wait before making friends with someone?

I have added some people within the first day of meeting them and some of those friendships are still going strong, while others have simply dropped off into cyber space and other times I have waited to get to know the person a bit better.
Whichever way you choose to conduct your friendships it is best to have a conversation with that person first before sending a friend request.

Deleting Contacts:

Making the decision to delete someone from my contacts list has never been easy. I have deleted quite a few people for various reasons in my two plus years that I’ve been in Second Life and I too have been deleted by many people.

So why do people cut the ties from their online friends and is it the right or the wrong thing to do?

For me if there are people in my contacts list who never speak to me, do not reply to my IM’s or are never online then that is usually when I decide to delete them.

My contacts list isn’t about having big numbers. I would rather have fifty people on my list who I talk to constantly than one hundred people who I rarely speak to or vice versa.
In some cases I have had people who have deleted me for whatever reason and then re added me later and I have done the same in certain situations.

I do have a ‘Deletions’ pick in my profile and I do try to stay in touch with all of my contacts as much as possible, however sometimes real life does get in the way and that’s just how life goes.

Before you delete anyone from your contacts list, have a think about the reasons why you are deleting them and maybe send an IM or two first, if your reasons are valid then so be it and if not, think before you hit the delete button.

Online Safety:

When you are interacting with people in Second Life or in any social online situation always keep a part of yourself to yourself. Never give out any personal information to people you do not know, online safety is very important when forming relationships. harassment and cyber -bullying is very common in the online world so choose your friends wisely and have fun.

-Pandora Drezelan


  1. great article,pan. Usually i delete for one reason:ingenuity.if i feel the person is mocking our friendship,for example " im too cool to be friends with u,but ill say hi".."or u know the ceo of sl enquirer,so ill stay friends with u" ...those i delete fast.Other than that i go the distance (shout matches or fights dont scare me,we all have bad days and sometimes people get bored and just dont talk for long periods of time,thats fine with me as long as its not personal)to stay someones friend if they genuinely care about the person i am or enjoy my company.

  2. Thanks hun, I'll be doing a series of SL Etiquette articles on different topics I'm glad you liked it.

  3. Ever since I came into SL, the only people I have deleted were those who clearly left SL (and most likely not came back at least with that avatar) like people who have completely emptied out their profiles. If not, even if they said good-bye, they stay. I've had others remove me off their list but no matter what reason, I never delete. This is because it's like what I think in RL. I may not talk with a friend for years but that doesn't make her/him not my friend anymore. Or even a random newbie I ended up befriending stays on my list too. In my country, we have a saying "even a brush of the sleeves is fatal encounter" and I think this is so true. So, to me, any encounter is a fatal encounter that did touch my life in one way or they all stay. :)

    I often hear people say "I am deleting some people because I haven't talked to them for a long time" and I if you don't talk to friends you used to be with in school, they no longer are your friends? I find this thought quite odd.

  4. hmmm i agree with that too,maybe i should switch to doing that...always admired your way of thinking,Kay.
    it seems on point.

    cant wait for part 2,pan

  5. I agree with my friend Carmi, I like your response too Kay! Being in SL over seven years, I have accumulated 1071 friends. Some have long gone and others remain active. Even if I haven't connected with someone in a while, usually when I do its a pleasant conversation. I've only booted just a handful of clowns off my friendslist that I've brushed shoulders with. Those are the only fatal encounters I've had. lol Other than that, I keep the people I have on my list because I'm not here for negativie reasons or overbearing frienship expectations. I understand people have lives as they understasnd I do too. That balance should never cause a conflict or make someone question a friendship. I value my friends as I hope they value mine.

    Before I go, I'd like to give a big shout of to my friends! Love you all xoxoxo \m/


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