Thanksgiving is right around the corner, so it is time for another Holiday Mascot Interview. I truly enjoy meeting these characters in Second Life because something unexpected always happens. Last time I interviewed a Thanksgiving mascots, it ended in an argument between a Pilgrim and Indian. This year I decided I would talk to a Turkey about his perspective, so I went to a breedable farm...
Lanai: Excuse me Mr Turkey, my name is Lanai from The SL Enquirer. Do you have time for an interview?
Turkey: Ugh that newspaper? pfft. Anyway, My name is Justin and get away from me! I’m not in a very trusting mood this time of year.
Lanai: Hey now! Relax, Justin. I’m not here to hunt you for my table. I just want to talk to you about Thanksgiving.
Turkey: What’s to talk about? It is not my favorite holiday, neither is Christmas. You humans need to think about making healthier choices that do not involve us.
Lanai: But Turkey is very healthy. It is a valuable source of protein and is a good source of iron, zinc, potassium, and phosphorus in addition to vitamin B6 and niacin, which are both essential for the body's energy production. Don’t make me get all educational about it, but I understand why you’d disagree with sacrificing yourself for us. I just wanted to get your perspective on this holiday.
Turkey: Well from my perspective, it isn’t all about zinc, potassium, vitamin B6 and blah blah blah all that other stuff. It’s all about being choked, feathers being plucked, and having my neckbone shoved up my ass! Then, to finish me off with a golden brown crisp. Doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun does it? If it were up to me, I would hunt down humans and stick them in the center of a table for my family to gather around and see how you like it, but we are herbivores. Besides that, you humans eat way too much junk food and would not be healthy to eat, even for a pig!
Lanai:That wasn’t very nice Justin.
Turkey: What’s not nice is the annual roundup of my fellow feathered fowls...Lanai
Lanai: I guess you have a point. So what do you suggest we use as our main staple for Thanksgiving ?
Turkey: If I really had a say. I would suggest that nice stocky Amaretto horse over there! Let me make my case for your brutal holiday. You can make horse bacon, ribs, scrapple, pony sausage, rump roast, horse shoulder, horse rinds, jerky and stew. Do I need to go on? Don’t get me started on the breedable dragons and meeroos if you can catch one.
By this time all the Breedable animals gathered around to listen in…
Horse: Hold on a second Justin there is such a thing as turkey bacon just saying! Remember you have to live here with us so be careful what you tell this nosy reporter.
Meerroos: Wait. What?
Justin the Turkey: I will peck both of your eyeballs out. Mind your own business. The way you both populate Second Life, you outta be the ones hunted!
Horse: Don’t make me come over there Justin.
Meeroos: pfft. *scurries off*
Justin the Turkey: Oh yea ponyboy? I got one thing to say! *points at the horses* Lady,take your pick. Each one is at least 2,400 pounds of meat!
Lanai: Wooooah. Wait a minute.
Horse: *gives Justin the hoof and gallops off into the stable*
Chicken: Keep me and my chicks out of this conversation. This is the one day of the year that we get a break, so CLUCK OFF!
Justin the Turkey: Easy there feathered friend! What’s one more day? Let’s not mention Football season and all the damn chicken wings these humans consume.
Lanai: OK, this is getting out of hand. Let me just clear the air before a riot breaks out on this farm. I am just here to talk about Thanksgiving from a Turkey’s perspective.
Unknown animal in the crowd: You picked the wrong farm lady!
Lanai: Is that so? *smirks*
In the meantime, Justin the Turkey and his flock gets into an argument with the Horses and chickens while Lanai quietly backs out of the barn and starts the turkey deep fryer.
It is clear that an interview with a Turkey was not the best idea, especially on a farm where other disgruntled animals live just awaiting for consumption. However you celebrate Thanksgiving be thankful for the animals who unwillingly sacrificed themselves for you.
Happy Thanksgiving SLE Fans!