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Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts

Sunday, April 18, 2021


April is Rape Awareness Month. According to RAINN, the nation’s largest anti sexual violence organization shows that every 73 seconds an American is sexually assaulted. Statistics show 1 out of 6 American women have been victims of attempted rape or raped and 1 in 33 men have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. These are staggering statistics. How can we help?

The Me Too Movement has been a resource since 2006 and really became mainstream in 2017 when many well known celebrities began to use their voice and support the movement on social media and speak out against sexual abuse and sexual harassment. Many women and men who have been victimized feel shame or embarrassment so they suffer in silence while others report their abusers with hope for justice and to help spare other victims. 

This is a serious topic that affects millions around the world. While Second Life is a virtual platform where people come and feel a sense of security from physical abuse,  some would say rape cannot happen in a virtual world because we have the ability to log off, teleport to safety, report harassment to Linden Labs, mute, boot and ban the sexual offender. 

With all these safety tools to combat an attempted rape in a virtual world, there are residents that still have been sexually exploited or victimized unwillingly. Some residents were on the fence about the topic because there are a couple of roleplay communities that engage in sexual assault and abuse as a kink. It is sad to say those fetishes may be stem from rl rape and abuse. I am not referring to those types of fetish venues. They use RLV Huds that give permission for avie control. 

In other instances in Second Life, attempted and virtual rapes have occurred in various communities by offenders who often get away with that behavior. For example, leaving your avie unattended while you go AFK. If you are seated in a chair that allows for couples and sex. Someone can easily sit on a poseball and begin manipulating the menu to do sex acts on the unsuspecting party only for the to return to being violated without permission. Another instance is during a sexual encounter the offender begins to roleplay an assault without consent. Is this a grey area because no real physical harm was done but what about the emotional effects it leaves behind? 

I asked avatars across the grid if they considered it virtual sexual assault even if it is done by emoting, poseballs or voicing actions of rape if consent was not given. Here are their opinions and stories. * names have been changed to protect their identities.

Justyn: "Yes, of course rape is possible! I mean, how else would I get laid in sl? But seriously, yes I believe it is possible and most likely happening to newbies and perhaps younger people due to their lack of understanding SL. Consent isn’t exactly needed for AFK fuckers, but I don’t think some know enough and are taken advantage of due to their naivety and therefore are truly not giving consent which equates to rape to me."

Jane: YES! Rape and Assualt is possible in virtual worlds, although not as likely to happen as often as in RL. Statistics show that violence against women comes mostly at the hands of someone we know. So Assault is often as much a result or circumstance of emotional manipulation, as it could be a result or circumstance of physical strength overpowering another. In second life no one is really physically stronger, so this element is virtually removed.  However emotionally we possibly might not be that different than our RL selves.  So if we allow ourselves to succumb emotionally, against our will, then it's possible. I mean... lots of people are interested to know what the other is doing on the other end; e.g. "are you touching yourself?"  It's possible that we would feel obligated to do such things if the emotional attachment gets strong enough.  And it's possible we would do it even against our better judgement or free will; especially if we feel there is risk of losing what we are attached to, or if we are otherwise conditioned to think we are inadequate for some reason unless we complied.``

Taran: “So, my hubby and I first came into online gaming for the fantasies.. We wanted to play some out without actually bringing someone into our bedroom... We then came over to SL to live a more "Normal" Avi Life :) But even here we have tried a few things... 

In Second Life there is a Hud, Called SIN,,, It is a virtual Reality about that very thing. Being abducted and Raped.. But where you can turn it on and off and control when and HOW you are to be abducted..  . Lol, i didn't last long, because i WAS attacked on what was supposed to be my SAFE ZONE,, At my house with my daughters there. HE then attached something to me that made it very hard to move about. I was VERY lucky to have been brought on by a 14 year vet of the game and he knew how to get me fixed,, the next day i was taken made to get preg and was forced to accept a hud that would make me sick if i didn't receive the abductors cum every 12 hrs,, AGAIN my WONDERFUL friend to the rescue...  That was the end of that... 

See with this hud we have choices and even still we weren't REALLY safe... Unconsented  sex is RAPE. Under any form, and even on here, i have talked to women who have been made to feel like trash and told to go kill themselves because they are escorts, and to some of the men they are just trash,, ABUSE and Rape in SL can be and is very real.. I consented for two days  and had horrible experiences,  now consider how i would feel if i hadn't…”

Sarah: Yes, I would consider it virtual sexual assault in those instances if both parties were not in agreement before the scene begins. I have been in a situation where the conversation was not supposed to get physical but the other person forced themselves on me and I did not feel I could just leave because it happened at the club I worked at (adult) and as a member of staff sometimes it felt like there was implied consent even if we didn't consent. Following this particular incident, I was left feeling very violated.

Paul: “I would definitely consider it assault. It is called Consent. Men get really tricky. I've been harassed, and a known person tried to lure me. You should be able to trust somebody, but people have taken advantage. It's happened with me, and people I know. It is an assault if I did not want it or give consent. It's happened where people kissed me and I did not want it. You should be able to trust your friend on a pose, or sofa.


Emotes can be too much sometimes. It can make me or my SL partner feel uncomfortable. It also affects people RL too, RL partners wouldn't like it. It can be considered assault if they've been told to stop and not listened. And further action might need to be taken. Always take care in how you treat people in SL.”

Kelly: While in a virtual world you have the ability to say no and log out at any time. I do believe there are predators out in this world that do and can manipulate a persons mind and heart to a point they feel trapped, confused and afterwards they feel violated much like a real life rape would be.  So YES, I feel it can happen in a virtual world. Those AFK and someone that does that too them as well can feel used and abused.  Has it ever happened to me in SL? Yes I was afk on some furniture at my home and someone came in and was having fun with my Avie.  I was angry at first and of course ejected and banned them etc.  But after I calmed down I did feel a sense of violation.”  

Johnny: “Well that is a slippery slope. While the moral side is, no matter virtual or not not getting consent is rape. But is it really happening to you or just your avie? While me personally believe nothing like this virtual or especially in real life should ever happen. There are some arguments against it happening in Virtual world. The person being raped male or female has the ability to shut down their computer thus ending it, or teleporting away. They are not held down or restrained. So in that essence it is not rape but still a violation against them. So to answer your question is it possible? Yes if you allow it and don’t use the means to get away.”

Stephen: “Actually. No.  I do not believe you can be “raped” in SL. This is a world of pixels.  That is it.  Yeah..we all read profiles that say  “Remember:  Behind every Avi is a REAL Person:...well….not always.  Check out any of the “F__K Me, I’m AFK!” sims.  Uhhmm..errrr….so I have heard anyway.  I have never really BEEN to those places...but I wander.  I know there are sims with RLVs and such things where you can initiate a fairly fanciful scene of forced sex, for those who are into that sort of thing…. Yeah..Online bullying can be a problem, especially on social media Web sites...but….come on, man...Rape? 

I have to say, I am kinda offended that someone would even try to apply a word like “RAPE” to what can happen to cartoon avis.  Rape is a tremendously horrible crime, that tears human flesh, crushes spirits, and scars people for life in the real. Just ask someone who has experienced that for real. It is one of the WORST crimes possible, and people who perpetrate such horrors in the RL on others should be castrated so they can NEVER again do that to another person.  Rape is one of the most terrifying things a person can experience  with lifelong consequences.  To even suggest that what happens to these cartoon avis is rape?  You’re kidding, right??  Well..that strikes me as  the highest form of disrespect you can show to someone and trivializes those who have been raped and sodomized in real life.  Ask anyone who has been raped for real.   Saying cartoons are raped?  Are you kidding me? 

The consensus for this Avie Poll is yes, rape is possible in a virtual world because victims felt a sense of violation. The argument could be that we as second life residents have the ability to log out if we feel threatened or unsafe. However, from the perspective of both males or females who are mentally abused and are scared, it might be hard for them to leave the situation or log out for fear of further threats or abuse by the perpetrator.  Maybe some should reevaluate the reason for logging into SL or avoid venues were there is adult content and sex. Even by taking those precautions, abusive situations can occur.

Some of the experiences shared by participants in SL  happened when they were AFK by a stranger while others were caught off guard by an encounter that did not end well.  Either way, we are taught No means No whether it is in real life or a virtual world.


Stephen’s comment was very strong and shared a point that needs to be seriously addressed.  A virtual sexual assault is NOT the same as a real sexual assault physically, but can cause emotional abuse and that is still considered trauma. 

If you feel threatened or in a situation in SL that is not comfortable for you, teleport away or just log off for a while and let the situation defuse. If you are unable to then msg someone and let them know what is going on. This is a situation that should not be taken lightly. 

If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual assault or abuse, you are not alone, help is available. Please, do not hesitate to use the resources below. 


See More Avie Polls here:

Monday, January 23, 2017

A Second Life. A Safe Harbor from Domestic Violence.- Silkysoulstar Reporting…

In 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder.

Somewhere in South Florida diesel fumes could be smelled in the air while the loud Motor Coach bus rattled, and Faye said goodbye to her husband. She waved to him unremarkably even though she was still a little frail and exhausted. Her mind was in disrepair, but resolved as she rolled her suitcase to the busman to throw into the space underneath. It was a dark night with no moonlight at all, and the red and blue lights of police beacons were spinning in the distance away from her own situation. She climbed into the bus to find her seat, and left him. Finally.

Weeks earlier, her husband had come home with prostitutes. Faye, malnourished to skin and bones, weakened, tired, unwashed, and beginning to feel sick dutifully took off her clothes as the prostitutes denuded with her.  The rented women fawned over her, all together naked on a carpet that had not been vacuumed in ages.  They fussed over her pretty, yet stringy and clumpy hair. 

The three women kissed and coo’d together, panting incessantly while he watched. Two of them professionally teemed outwardly like wild felines preying for sexual mating. Faye submitted willingly and survived by kissing back, flicking her tongue inside the mouths of the painted Cougars who ordered it.  Her husband delighted in the hookers inflicting their wills on her.  They restrained her, fiddled with her clitoris until she screamed, and then forced themselves onto her face and demanded her to lick them furiously until they faked their own climaxes for him. 

 After having sex with the women, he left her in the house alone.  He would spread his corruption across the rest of the night somewhere. She convinced herself it was a good night and that she even enjoyed the company. Faye put herself together, finding some clothes to wear on her broken body, possibly just a t shirt and jeans that were the only kind that she had that fit her just the way she liked. She took stock in anything that would comfort her, no matter how small, to build up just enough strength to log into Second Life.
She heard him come home hours later before dawn. Drunk. He told her that she was so pretty and that the other girls loved her, but he loved her more. She went AFK from her Second Life while he took her to the bedroom and began to have sex with her. She let him have his way with her because he seemed nicer than earlier that night, and she flashed back to the image of the strong police officer she had fell in love with, and then married.  His compliments were nothing in the grand scheme of things, but they were something in that moment nonetheless, and she had conditioned herself to find value in anything no matter how insignificant just so she could put up with her growing insanity.

She let herself fall into this cycle of abuse, and became conditioned to a degree of disheveled fitness to withstand it. How could she escape it? After all, they shared their lives. Their home, relatives, finances, worldly resources all were commingled. And wasn’t all this her fault anyway? She could see and feel herself getting less attractive. Certainly that’s why he began to bring home the prostitutes. He still also said often that he loved her.
He passed out next to her, exhausted and drunk from his disgusting midnight galavants unable to finish having sex. She laid next to him in the bed weak, and feeling heavy. The sort of heavy feeling that hurts and comes from a depressed lifelessness. She thought of anything pleasant about her life, and reminded herself that he was somehow after all taking care of her. Comforted by her fabrication, she fell asleep.

She stayed laying in bed, absent of energy in the morning as he heroically shook off his headache in front of her, and headed off into the world to serve and protect. She pushed herself to get up after he left. During the day Faye worked professionally from their computer at home. Her performance with her work was suffering, though, as a consequence of barely being able to keep herself together, but she mustered up the effort over and over again to recover whatever missteps she had taken. Slow to get tasks done, she concentrated on them fiercely one at a time to finally squeeze out her assignments. Her ability to multitask had long been destroyed. Somehow they kept her around, maybe even forgetting she was there to be let go. She had this at least.

Faye’s husband laid passed out in front of the television from all of the beer he had drank. He wasn’t an alcoholic, but a full week of work and erratic sleep coming from leading a life in the fast lane had caught up with him. She was online in Second Life while chatting with a girlfriend via Skype, living her alternative life to pursue both relief from her reality, and her fetish for submission.  

The time she spent in the Second Life world was typically later at night while he was out, or after he had fallen asleep, perhaps drunk. Sometimes he beat her, and sometimes he just held her roughly while demanding his points. His mind was so clouded from everything he was seeing or doing in his own life that he had no judgement that restrained himself from hurting her. Sometimes she just escaped with the laptop to the bathroom. She hid everything she did on the computer from him, even sending her chat logs and other game viewer data to secret file folders that were not obviously found on their computer. She was fortunately much more skilled with computers than he was.

Faye joined a group of women that gravitated toward one Master in Second Life, and met Katrina as one of her sisters. As Katrina got to know Faye, and chatted with her, she sensed that things weren’t well. Faye was getting obsessive about her avatar’s appearance, and she was also terribly eager to please her Second Life Master in ways that, well, just seemed off.  Katrina began to get concerned, maybe even a bit fearfully. 

Besides her friend’s obvious communication patterns that signaled distress, Katrina was having flashes of disturbing images. In her mind these were foreboding premonitions. She saw clearly the trunk of an off duty police officer’s car, with guns and punishing instruments inside. She felt strongly that her Second Life friend was destined for a violent death. He would possibly beat her, shout at her, and kill her.

Once Katrina approached a Second Life acquaintance and pleaded with her to take her loved one to the doctor. To the woman, Katrina was behaving irrationally, and her hysterics almost made her unfriend her.  The woman’s loved one was feeling under the weather with flu, not seriously ill. However at the doctor after all, they found cancer in her that was treated so that she could survive it. 

Another time, while helping a new friend learn basic Second Life skills, Katrina begged her SL newbie to stay at home in Real Life after she had indicated that she needed to log off suddenly.  Katrina urged her new acquaintance to not take her children shopping, even though her new acquaintance did not tell her that she intended to do exactly that. Katrina kept the young mother online long enough, appearing hysterically irrational again now to someone she barely knew. Eventually as things got extended, the woman quit her Second Life viewer to put her children into her car to drive out on their errand. The road to the shopping plaza was blocked from the clean-up of a frightening scene where cars had crashed disastrously only recently. The event shook up Katrina’s friend so terribly that she went home and sat on her bed holding her babies tightly. Without hearing back, Katrina stayed up all night feeling shock inside herself that created a vision of her friend safe at home on the bed, with her children.

So as Katrina has learned to cope with seeing images that seem to be mostly from panic-stricken, or tragic moments, she desperately still tries to help people avoid the dangers she envisions.  

Katrina told Faye she could see peril, harm, and depression in Faye’s life, and Faye told her she was right. The feeling inside Katrina was growing so strong that it hurt herself. Violence was coming to Faye. She could see very certainly that loud conflict, brutality, and death would happen one night to Faye. It would come from the hands of her husband, as he would use the objects and weapons in the trunk of that car that she could so clearly see in her mind. She pleaded with Faye to address her dangerous environment proactively, but Faye had to escape her brainwashed condition and see things for herself before Katrina could help her.

Over a period of weeks, Katrina mentored Faye via Second Life and Skype, reinforcing to her that she was a beautiful and intelligent woman. Katrina reminded Faye that being the submissive in a relationship did not mean greeting infatuation without strength. Submissives do not need to be walked all over recklessly by a Dominant. For Katrina, teaching was a way to reach out and get a connection to Faye so that she could help her, and fortunately Faye gladly gravitated toward Katrina’s care.

One night during a group session via Skype, the reality of Faye’s situation began to outpour. The violence. The depression. The forced sex with prostitutes that she had convinced herself that she actually enjoyed. During that night when her personal life cracked wide open to her Second Life group members directly in the Skype conversation, a cloud impairing Faye’s judgement to defend herself also began to lift at the same time. Faye began to cry as the group also began to realize the tragic nature of what they were hearing.  Fountains, rivers, streams, oceans of tears began to flood Faye’s cheeks. Group members online felt quite shocked by the thought of being so close to someone that was being hurt so badly in ways they had only heard statistics previously. To Katrina she felt relief that a sense of caring, from the progress of hours of contact with Faye was finally beginning to produce a desperate rescue. 

Katrina began to make even more progress helping Faye understand that every bad situation can be solved. There was an aunt several states away, and a plan to file a restraining order against her husband just prior to escaping.  But first Faye needed to get her strength back, and like a true caregiver and nurturer Katrina ordered Faye to drink, shower, put on makeup and repeat positive reinforcement into the mirror every day until she was ready.  Instructions at times were so very basic; Start slowly. Put one sip and one bite of food into yourself. Your body can’t handle a full meal immediately. 

Faye stood up for herself at work when finally faced with a certain dismissal, and she was able to extend her employment enough. Her performance improved just slightly and she felt better about that. She built up the the nerves to convince her husband to let her visit her Aunt. Somehow he agreed to her travel, not suspecting his wife to have any confidence or self awareness whatsoever to pull off a daring escape.  Perhaps he thought it would be even more time for him to break from the situation, and to abuse more prostitutes directly. We don’t know.

But the night came for Faye to board that Motor Coach and leave him forever. She thanked God she never got pregnant to give birth to a son her husband had always wanted. When she left and filed for divorce, it hurt his pride terribly. But she was several states away and with the restraining order there wasn’t anything he could do.
One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
Faye survived the violence of an abusive relationship and her personal rebuild is still underway. She will likely have emotional scars that will never disappear in her lifetime. But she is alive, and has Katrina and her Second Life to thank in part. 

It’s ironic too, to think that she was so weak to submit herself to the abuse willingly and repeatedly, but in fact she was after all strong enough to withstand it, and then to eventually escape it.  There’s safety and strength in numbers and community to help us, but there’s also a strength inside all of us that we should never forget can also save ourselves. Sometimes it takes someone special to remind us, no matter how untraditional the contact might be.

If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, or if you know someone who might be, then you can help by reading the resources at to understand further what you can do. Help and Hope are out there, and we are all stronger than we can ever even know.

Friday, January 18, 2013

It’s Time To Blow The Whistle On A Disgraceful Sub-culture in Second Life – Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

Second Life is a virtual world where anything is possible. Thousands of people from around the world flock to Second Life every day to engage in role play, business, education, global communication, self promotion, creativity and leisure exploration. Others unfortunately are misguided by dark pleasures and hidden agendas. They are the ones holding Second Life back from being taken seriously. Many real world organizations have pulled out of Second Life due to the shenanigans and distasteful activity that can be easily accessed. So easily, even young children can be potentially exposed to it.

 Where do we draw the line?  Do we turn the other way and keep it movin’ or do we speak up to make SL a better place?

Friday, June 22, 2012

In PA Justice has been Served! Jerry Sandusky is quilty of child molestation and faces up to 442 years!

screenshot of Lanai's iphone

I literally walked in the door from a 5 1/2 hour trip from Cape Cod, Massachusetts back to Pennsylvania. Before I even got home, my phone kept going off and here is what was being reported.

I Dropped my bags at the door, hopped in the shower and put on my pajamas. With everyone all settled in bed,  I grabbed my laptop because I wanted to share the news and touch on a topic that many choose not to discuss because it is uncomfortable to even think about; Child abuse and sexual molestation.

Before I get all deep, the good news is former Penn State’s defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky was just found guilty of 45 out of 48 counts of child sexual molestation and faces up to 442 years in prison. This is only one of the many predators still out there, but it is a great victory for the victims. Tonight they can begin to heal knowing he cannot hurt another child because justice has been served.