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Showing posts with label domestic violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label domestic violence. Show all posts

Monday, January 23, 2017

A Second Life. A Safe Harbor from Domestic Violence.- Silkysoulstar Reporting…

In 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder.

Somewhere in South Florida diesel fumes could be smelled in the air while the loud Motor Coach bus rattled, and Faye said goodbye to her husband. She waved to him unremarkably even though she was still a little frail and exhausted. Her mind was in disrepair, but resolved as she rolled her suitcase to the busman to throw into the space underneath. It was a dark night with no moonlight at all, and the red and blue lights of police beacons were spinning in the distance away from her own situation. She climbed into the bus to find her seat, and left him. Finally.

Weeks earlier, her husband had come home with prostitutes. Faye, malnourished to skin and bones, weakened, tired, unwashed, and beginning to feel sick dutifully took off her clothes as the prostitutes denuded with her.  The rented women fawned over her, all together naked on a carpet that had not been vacuumed in ages.  They fussed over her pretty, yet stringy and clumpy hair. 

The three women kissed and coo’d together, panting incessantly while he watched. Two of them professionally teemed outwardly like wild felines preying for sexual mating. Faye submitted willingly and survived by kissing back, flicking her tongue inside the mouths of the painted Cougars who ordered it.  Her husband delighted in the hookers inflicting their wills on her.  They restrained her, fiddled with her clitoris until she screamed, and then forced themselves onto her face and demanded her to lick them furiously until they faked their own climaxes for him. 

 After having sex with the women, he left her in the house alone.  He would spread his corruption across the rest of the night somewhere. She convinced herself it was a good night and that she even enjoyed the company. Faye put herself together, finding some clothes to wear on her broken body, possibly just a t shirt and jeans that were the only kind that she had that fit her just the way she liked. She took stock in anything that would comfort her, no matter how small, to build up just enough strength to log into Second Life.
She heard him come home hours later before dawn. Drunk. He told her that she was so pretty and that the other girls loved her, but he loved her more. She went AFK from her Second Life while he took her to the bedroom and began to have sex with her. She let him have his way with her because he seemed nicer than earlier that night, and she flashed back to the image of the strong police officer she had fell in love with, and then married.  His compliments were nothing in the grand scheme of things, but they were something in that moment nonetheless, and she had conditioned herself to find value in anything no matter how insignificant just so she could put up with her growing insanity.

She let herself fall into this cycle of abuse, and became conditioned to a degree of disheveled fitness to withstand it. How could she escape it? After all, they shared their lives. Their home, relatives, finances, worldly resources all were commingled. And wasn’t all this her fault anyway? She could see and feel herself getting less attractive. Certainly that’s why he began to bring home the prostitutes. He still also said often that he loved her.
He passed out next to her, exhausted and drunk from his disgusting midnight galavants unable to finish having sex. She laid next to him in the bed weak, and feeling heavy. The sort of heavy feeling that hurts and comes from a depressed lifelessness. She thought of anything pleasant about her life, and reminded herself that he was somehow after all taking care of her. Comforted by her fabrication, she fell asleep.

She stayed laying in bed, absent of energy in the morning as he heroically shook off his headache in front of her, and headed off into the world to serve and protect. She pushed herself to get up after he left. During the day Faye worked professionally from their computer at home. Her performance with her work was suffering, though, as a consequence of barely being able to keep herself together, but she mustered up the effort over and over again to recover whatever missteps she had taken. Slow to get tasks done, she concentrated on them fiercely one at a time to finally squeeze out her assignments. Her ability to multitask had long been destroyed. Somehow they kept her around, maybe even forgetting she was there to be let go. She had this at least.

Faye’s husband laid passed out in front of the television from all of the beer he had drank. He wasn’t an alcoholic, but a full week of work and erratic sleep coming from leading a life in the fast lane had caught up with him. She was online in Second Life while chatting with a girlfriend via Skype, living her alternative life to pursue both relief from her reality, and her fetish for submission.  

The time she spent in the Second Life world was typically later at night while he was out, or after he had fallen asleep, perhaps drunk. Sometimes he beat her, and sometimes he just held her roughly while demanding his points. His mind was so clouded from everything he was seeing or doing in his own life that he had no judgement that restrained himself from hurting her. Sometimes she just escaped with the laptop to the bathroom. She hid everything she did on the computer from him, even sending her chat logs and other game viewer data to secret file folders that were not obviously found on their computer. She was fortunately much more skilled with computers than he was.

Faye joined a group of women that gravitated toward one Master in Second Life, and met Katrina as one of her sisters. As Katrina got to know Faye, and chatted with her, she sensed that things weren’t well. Faye was getting obsessive about her avatar’s appearance, and she was also terribly eager to please her Second Life Master in ways that, well, just seemed off.  Katrina began to get concerned, maybe even a bit fearfully. 

Besides her friend’s obvious communication patterns that signaled distress, Katrina was having flashes of disturbing images. In her mind these were foreboding premonitions. She saw clearly the trunk of an off duty police officer’s car, with guns and punishing instruments inside. She felt strongly that her Second Life friend was destined for a violent death. He would possibly beat her, shout at her, and kill her.

Once Katrina approached a Second Life acquaintance and pleaded with her to take her loved one to the doctor. To the woman, Katrina was behaving irrationally, and her hysterics almost made her unfriend her.  The woman’s loved one was feeling under the weather with flu, not seriously ill. However at the doctor after all, they found cancer in her that was treated so that she could survive it. 

Another time, while helping a new friend learn basic Second Life skills, Katrina begged her SL newbie to stay at home in Real Life after she had indicated that she needed to log off suddenly.  Katrina urged her new acquaintance to not take her children shopping, even though her new acquaintance did not tell her that she intended to do exactly that. Katrina kept the young mother online long enough, appearing hysterically irrational again now to someone she barely knew. Eventually as things got extended, the woman quit her Second Life viewer to put her children into her car to drive out on their errand. The road to the shopping plaza was blocked from the clean-up of a frightening scene where cars had crashed disastrously only recently. The event shook up Katrina’s friend so terribly that she went home and sat on her bed holding her babies tightly. Without hearing back, Katrina stayed up all night feeling shock inside herself that created a vision of her friend safe at home on the bed, with her children.

So as Katrina has learned to cope with seeing images that seem to be mostly from panic-stricken, or tragic moments, she desperately still tries to help people avoid the dangers she envisions.  

Katrina told Faye she could see peril, harm, and depression in Faye’s life, and Faye told her she was right. The feeling inside Katrina was growing so strong that it hurt herself. Violence was coming to Faye. She could see very certainly that loud conflict, brutality, and death would happen one night to Faye. It would come from the hands of her husband, as he would use the objects and weapons in the trunk of that car that she could so clearly see in her mind. She pleaded with Faye to address her dangerous environment proactively, but Faye had to escape her brainwashed condition and see things for herself before Katrina could help her.

Over a period of weeks, Katrina mentored Faye via Second Life and Skype, reinforcing to her that she was a beautiful and intelligent woman. Katrina reminded Faye that being the submissive in a relationship did not mean greeting infatuation without strength. Submissives do not need to be walked all over recklessly by a Dominant. For Katrina, teaching was a way to reach out and get a connection to Faye so that she could help her, and fortunately Faye gladly gravitated toward Katrina’s care.

One night during a group session via Skype, the reality of Faye’s situation began to outpour. The violence. The depression. The forced sex with prostitutes that she had convinced herself that she actually enjoyed. During that night when her personal life cracked wide open to her Second Life group members directly in the Skype conversation, a cloud impairing Faye’s judgement to defend herself also began to lift at the same time. Faye began to cry as the group also began to realize the tragic nature of what they were hearing.  Fountains, rivers, streams, oceans of tears began to flood Faye’s cheeks. Group members online felt quite shocked by the thought of being so close to someone that was being hurt so badly in ways they had only heard statistics previously. To Katrina she felt relief that a sense of caring, from the progress of hours of contact with Faye was finally beginning to produce a desperate rescue. 

Katrina began to make even more progress helping Faye understand that every bad situation can be solved. There was an aunt several states away, and a plan to file a restraining order against her husband just prior to escaping.  But first Faye needed to get her strength back, and like a true caregiver and nurturer Katrina ordered Faye to drink, shower, put on makeup and repeat positive reinforcement into the mirror every day until she was ready.  Instructions at times were so very basic; Start slowly. Put one sip and one bite of food into yourself. Your body can’t handle a full meal immediately. 

Faye stood up for herself at work when finally faced with a certain dismissal, and she was able to extend her employment enough. Her performance improved just slightly and she felt better about that. She built up the the nerves to convince her husband to let her visit her Aunt. Somehow he agreed to her travel, not suspecting his wife to have any confidence or self awareness whatsoever to pull off a daring escape.  Perhaps he thought it would be even more time for him to break from the situation, and to abuse more prostitutes directly. We don’t know.

But the night came for Faye to board that Motor Coach and leave him forever. She thanked God she never got pregnant to give birth to a son her husband had always wanted. When she left and filed for divorce, it hurt his pride terribly. But she was several states away and with the restraining order there wasn’t anything he could do.
One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
Faye survived the violence of an abusive relationship and her personal rebuild is still underway. She will likely have emotional scars that will never disappear in her lifetime. But she is alive, and has Katrina and her Second Life to thank in part. 

It’s ironic too, to think that she was so weak to submit herself to the abuse willingly and repeatedly, but in fact she was after all strong enough to withstand it, and then to eventually escape it.  There’s safety and strength in numbers and community to help us, but there’s also a strength inside all of us that we should never forget can also save ourselves. Sometimes it takes someone special to remind us, no matter how untraditional the contact might be.

If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, or if you know someone who might be, then you can help by reading the resources at to understand further what you can do. Help and Hope are out there, and we are all stronger than we can ever even know.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: GRAND RE-OPENING of Care and Hope Center July 20, 2016

The Care and Hope Center is a not-for-profit info hub that was created in the Winter of 2014 by Morgan Whitfield-Mickalobe. The purpose of the Center is to provide and hopefully instill awareness on the horrors of domestic violence and violence against women.  Monthly free classes are offered on various topics such as Warning Signs of a Domestic Abusive Relationship, Emotional Abuse, Avatar Safety, Love Addiction, etc.   With the approval of the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (, and

manager/educator:  mmorganwhitfield

Sunday, April 3, 2016

MRMC Social Club to Sponsor "NO MORE" Awareness Event April 16-17

Second LIfe - The Metal Riders MC Biker Social Club will sponsor a "NO MORE" awareness event Saturday April 16th and Sunday April 17th at the infamous  "Sturgis" sim. 􀀀 



NO MORE is a unifying symbol and campaign to raise public awareness and engage bystanders around ending domestic violence and sexual assault. Launched in March 2013 by a coalition of leading advocacy groups, service providers, the U.S. Department of Justice, and major corporations, NO MORE is supported by hundreds of national and local groups and by thousands of individuals, organizations, universities, and communities who are using its signature blue symbol to increase visibility for domestic violence and sexual assault. Further information is available at

This is an awareness event, not a fundraiser.... in addition to entertainment and social activities, some featuring prizes, there will be information readily available about domestic violence and sexual assault, including stats, warning signs, and information as to where to go and who to contact for help.

Giselle Arceneaux, event coordinator commented,"The MRMC hopes that in addition to being a enriching and enjoyable event for Second Life, that the information we share related to this issue will be of value to Second Life Residents. We welcome everyone, and encourage you all to drop in!"

Dates- Saturday April 16th and Sunday April 17th
Events will include: 
Concerts and DJ'd events. There will also be free gifts as well as prizes given during dj' ed events. In addition to this there will also be a "Purple and Teal" ride out on Sunday the 17th starting  at 2pm on the Sturgis sim.

Date            Time                  Description Of Event

Saturday, 4/16

4/16            12 pm slt           Five Finger Death Punch Concert

4/16            2 pm slt              DJ'ed event with DJ Niki
                                            Blingtastic- Don't ever dull your sparkle event
                                            Prizes will be giftcards from Chop Zuey., Earthstones & more!
4/16            4 pm SLT             DJ' ed event with DJ Phil
                                            On Point- Look good, Feel good, Do good event.
   Prizes will be giftcards from- Truth, Blueberry, Zed, R3volt!,                                                               Breakthrough. and Shovelheads

4/16            6 pm SLT             DJ' ed event with DJ TBD
                                            Puppies, Kitties, & Mossms  oh my!- Breedables event
                                            Prizes will include breedable pets such as dogs, cats, Mossms, and                                             possibly more!

4/16            8 pm SLT             In This Moment Concert

Sunday, 4/17

4/17            10 am SLT           DJ' ed event- DJ TBD
                                            Leave your mark on the world! - Tattoo event
                                            Prizes include giftcards to Letis and other tattoo stores
4/17             12 pm SLT          Dj' ed event- DJ Shawn
                                            Rev it up!- V- Twins event
                                            Prizes are gift cards from V-Twins  
4/17            2 pm SLT             Purple and Teal Ride out on the Sturgis Sim- will be a Dj as well
this ride out is to raise awareness and to honor victims and                                                         Survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. Riders are encouraged to wear purple and/ or teal
4/17            4 pm SLt             Dj ' ed event   Dj Phil
                                            There's no place like home!- happy home, happy life event
                                            prizes include gift cards from Trompe Loeil, Mud Honey, Floorplan
                                            and more!
4/17            6 pm SLT             Dj' ed event- DJ Wade
                                            Live it, Love it, Ride it, Drive it !- motorcycle and car event
                                            Prizes include motorcycles and cars from Sinful Motors, Sucios
                                            Custom Creations, and   Roaddogg;s Custom Car's. There will also
                                            be a gift card from Sau. 
4/17            8 pm SLT             Kamelot  Concert

If you have any questions or would like more info please IM GiselleArceneau

Connect with us on Facebook!

Saturday, December 26, 2015


Domestic violence is a huge topic in society and also disturbing and controversial in Second Life.

 Domestic violence can be explicit or veiled in Second Life. It can occur against women or men, joined by partnership, including a number of cases, such as verbal and psychological violence against each other.

 Psychological violence can be practiced in Second Life. It involves verbal abuse, psychological abuse, threats and aggressive tones. Aggression doesn’t always involve a physical attack to be considered domestic violence. When one partner in a relationship tries to control and dominate the other, that is domestic violence. There are many types of DV. Here are some examples that happen in Second Life:

• Emotional Aggression: swearing, depreciating your partner, emotional blackmail; and humiliate of a partner.
• Virtual Sexual assault: consider the partner as a virtual sex object; force the partner to have virtual sex or require the partner to have sexual attitudes towards others.
• Insist on being in control: Treating your partner as a slave without their consent.
• Isolation: forbidding a partner to see people; controlling their company and conversation; wanting to track their location at all times.

The aggressor, for example, may require the control of the social life of the victim, preventing him or her from attending clubs or making new friends. The sense of ownership of one partner over the other, as well as impunity are factors that generalize control and domestic violence.

Whyare some people willing to subject him or herself to domestic violence in Second Life?
I'm not talking about of the world Gor, BDSM, Masters & lovers, etc.  Generally, people who live in these worlds, establish consensual rules. My focus is on ordinary people and their everyday experiences in Second Life. Many people say SL is all consensual but these behaviors exist.

In addition, there are the options of muting, AR'ing, TP'ing away, removal of collars, ending the partnership, removing the avatar from your list of friends, etc. However, domestic violence may still exist and the victim will only take any action after he has suffered the abuse.

There are also those who, for emotional issues, may feel intimidated and unable to use the tools available to prevent violence from happening again.

The victim of domestic violence generally have low self-esteem and are tied in dealing with aggressors, either by emotional dependence or even material. The abuser often accuse the victim of being responsible for the assault and the victim ends up suffering a great guilt and shame.

The victim also feels violated and betrayed, as the abuser promises that will never repeat this kind of behavior but, in general, the behavior is repeated.

In some situations, domestic violence persists chronically because one partner has an attitude of acceptance and inability to turn off that setting. To understand this behavior, persistently linked to the environment of domestic violence, we could compare it with the attitude described as codependency, found in the homes of  alcoholics and drug addicts.

The psychological or emotional aggression suffered in Second Life, can be more harmful than the physical one, and is characterized by rejection, depreciation, discrimination, humiliation and disrespect.

 This aggression does not leave physical marks but can cause emotional scars for life affecting even the real life.

How to get out of domestic violence in SL?
The first step is to break the cycle of violence and overcome the emotional barriers:
• Seek help from someone you trust, a friend, or friends and say that you are suffering with it, tell your story.

 While it may be difficult to talk about violence and abuse, in a virtual environment, you instantly feel relief and can get emotional support and guidance of your friends;
• I do not feel safe in stating support groups in SL. You never know the Freud pretender who will be playing the other side. What I can say, especially if you are having trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy is: seek outside help in RL. Find a support group or counselor.

Help in RL should positively influence how a person perceives their situation in SL and, hopefully, provide the necessary assistance to the person to get out of the vicious circle of domestic violence.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Project Hope Island- Debby Sharma Reporting...

“Don’t pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.”
-          Bruce Lee

It is failure, loss, loneliness and grief that we all have faced at some time or the other. At some point of our life, we have wanted to end this life, however short the moment might be. Loss of a loved one, loss of self-respect, failure in an examination, failure to provide for family, failure to be someone respectable in society and so on. With so many challenges and obstacles that life presents us, there are numerous man made challenges like abuse, trafficking, murders and other criminal activities. The trail doesn’t end here, there are incurable diseases like Cancer to natural disasters; there are wars to droughts to hunger and poverty. Every day we wake up to face a new challenge in order to survive another day. In a perfect world, a father works hard to support his family, a mother works hard to feed her family, a child works hard to assure the future of the family. The daily life starts with posing outright obstacles and ends with a relief of living another day.
Photography Credits: Google Search
Suicide is said to be a cowardice act, a crime in eyes of law, an evil deed in Lord’s eyes. We often hear it is easy to end a life; it is difficult to live one. But how often have we taken the initiative to learn the reasons where a victim is forced to take his/her life? How often have we looked over our shoulder to provide support to the one who has lost the battle? How often have we offered a hand of support without expecting anything in return? We often say something like we are so busy in our lives; we have so many problems to deal with; I have given a donation to a charity; the company that I work for has charitable branch and I donate monthly. But, have we ever given a thought to whose life are we making a difference to in such a support? Have we ever wanted to listen to part of the story of the victim?
Project Hope Island is a place of serenity created by Arwen Mannonen for individuals who need help; people who are distressed and want to commit suicide. It is a peer to peer support group, functioning to give resources and encouragement for the one who have none. Resources like Help-line numbers, Support groups, Domestic Violence resources and Books to prevent suicide.
Photography Credits: Leela Qissinger

A few of the resources are listed below.
Self-Injury Resources:
·         Cut  by Patricia McCormick
·         Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation by Steven Levenkron
·         A Bright Red Scream by Marilee Strong
Groups for Help with Self Injury
·         Safe Haven:  Online
·         Daily Strength:  online
·         S.A.F.E Alternatives:  

Visiting the resource office would enable one to open the doors to hot line numbers to national and domestic violence in U.K., U.S.A. among others. The National Domestic Violence Hotline answers more than 21,000 calls per month from victims, survivors, friends and family members, law enforcement personnel, domestic violence advocates and the general public. Hotline advocates provide support and assistance to anyone involved in a domestic violence situation, including those in same-sex relationships, male survivors, those with disabilities and immigrant victims of domestic violence. All calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline are anonymous and confidential.
How does the Hotline Services work? According to the Project Hope Island Resources, these are the following pointers.

·         Crisis intervention, safety planning, information about domestic violence and referrals to local service providers
·         A direct connection to domestic violence resources available in the caller’s area provided by a Hotline advocate

·         Assistance in both English and Spanish with Hotline advocates having access to more than 170 different languages through interpreter services
·         Assistance through e-mail on the contact page
·         Informational materials on such topics as domestic violence, sexual assault, battering intervention and prevention programs, working through the criminal justice system and related issues

The list doesn’t exhaust here, Terminal Illness Resources, Suicide prevention and survivor resources, Internet Resources like and other books like “Step Back from the Exit: 45 Reasons to Say No to Suicide by Jillayne Arena” among others are available. Books are peer support for trans-person and their family are also available like the book written by R. Nick Gorton, MD; Jamie Buth, MD & Dean Spade (2005) on "Medical Therapy and Health Maintenance for Transgender Men: A Guide For Health Care Providers", attempts to provide the knowledge necessary to care for transmen before, during and after transition.

Domestic Violence is seen in almost any households today. Stress, peer pressure, money and power, societal norms and sometimes religions too among other stimuli pose a threat to an individual. Irrespective of a developed or a developing country, domestic violence not only includes abuse to women but also child abuse, child sexual abuse, elder abuse, rape or sexual assault to both women and men among others. This leads us to the bravest step of asking ourselves, “Am I being abused?” in the name of love and care. If yes, please don’t hesitate to ask for help from a family member, friend, relative you trust or call the help line number of your locality. There are numerous organisations fighting to stop abuse. However, the first step and the bravest one are in your hand. Project Hope Island is a community within a virtual world to offer help and support.

Photography Credits: Leela Qissinger

When you are writing your story about your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen for you. Take the first step to fight back. Your step would end the tyranny and would help and others you love to face a new day with a new hope.