Polyamory is a lifestyle which consists of trust and
personal freedom. Without those traits, this lifestyle would seize to exist.
In Second Life true Poly couples are hard to find. They
do not scout the grid for random sexual encounters and one night stands, or
approach just anyone to enter their beds.
In fact, sex isn’t really the main agenda. Seeking like-minded
individuals is the goal but it can be a challenge.
Most people are
into a traditional or even non traditional monogamous relationship, yet cheating and jealousy seem to create
the most issues for them. Have you ever wondered why people cheat on their
partners, even if they love them? In fact, 50% of marriages fail today. It
isn’t always because of financial reasons, inability to fight fair, control,
abuse, or other things that cause damage to a union. Quite frankly, it is because people
changed. Boredom and or new found
independence makes people seek something new to stimulate them. That goes for anything from new hobbies,
jobs, movies, books, cars, houses, change of environment, personal style, a new
haircut- just about anything.
Keeping things fresh and exciting in a relationship is
important but even then, some people just want or need new experiences. This has only intensified through the years
thanks to internet and social media. We all have the ability to find those
special interests we don’t find in our local community or in our own home.
Why do you think
more people are choosing a Poly Lifestyle?
The answer is simple. Humans were not born with a limit
on whom they fall in love with or who they become attracted to when they begin
to experience attraction. Manmade rules
are what govern how we should commit to others and even act. Just like government and religion was created
to contain some form of civilization and order. There has to be a way to
contain the madness right?
With scandals in the church and government getting out of
control, it lessens the respect people have for order. Social norms, a belief
system, upbringing and other environmental contributors are factors which form
how we perceive things should be in our lives.
But is that how it
should be in this day and age? It seems those who chose their own path are seen
as different or rebels. Why can’t people just see it as individualism?
We are all different.
How can we all fit the same mold of what
society THINKS is “normal”? We all have
our own needs, wants and desires. How can they all be fulfilled by one person
or even put into one set of rules for all to abide by?
Many go through life thinking they are happy with the
person they chose to be with. Others settle even further. Some are unhappy but
don’t know how to express what they really want or are afraid of what others
will think of them if they decide on a certain lifestyle or even express their inner
desires.
What truly makes a
person happy? Or should the word be content?
Should a person settle and just go through life secretly thinking about
what they really want?
How is that living?
Or worse yet, looking back at life wishing they would
have made different decisions when it is too late. Nobody wants to live their
golden years with regrets and missed opportunities for a better quality of
life.
Those who practice poly believe that everyone has the
right to be free to find their own happiness. They support each other, love
unconditionally without judgment and for the most part feel more fulfilled in
their own lives.
It doesn’t mean
polyamorists love any less. It is quite the opposite. They love more and worry
less. All the issues that can cause a
relationship to fall apart such as cheating and jealousy are the least of their
worries. However, some form of
communication and agreements need to be put in place to ensure all parties
involved understand what they are getting into.
Swingers and Polyamorists should not be confused as the
same things. Swingers are couples who agree to swap with other couples, have
rules yet they remain loyal to each other. Polyamorists on the other hand can
have multiple partners/lovers without restrictions or loyalty to just one.
Imagine living life with the people you choose to love
and who love you, without being judged for your preferences. You could love
freely and explore your sexuality. That is Poly.
These types of relationships can only become complicated
when people are not honest with themselves or others, irresponsible or disrespectful. For example, participants having unrealistic
expectations of partners by creating rules or causing problems, because they
want to suddenly become monogamous.
In order for this
lifestyle to work, everyone involved needs to lay the cards on the table and
agree to the freedoms of Polyamorists. If you are unsure, then do not get
involved in the lifestyle.
Safety should be
first in the discussion. By taking the
initiative to protect yourself by practicing safe sex is very important to
avoid sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. Also, if you are not comfortable with a
partner it is best to not engage in situations with them. Do not do things just
to make other people happy. Do what makes YOU happy first.
The whole point is being true to yourself and to others about
what you want in a Polyamorists lifestyle and being respectful not to impose on
others.
People who are quick to judge polyamorists for the
lifestyle they choose are usually the biggest hypocrites. No one is perfect and
just because you choose a lifestyle that does not fit the norms of someone
else, doesn’t make what you do wrong.
It is all about personal preference. The world would be a
better place is everyone looked within themselves, rather than looking for
faults or reason to judge someone else. The phrase “Mind your own business of
it does not directly affect you” comes to mind.
Take a good look around you. Observe the couples you
know. Evaluate your own situation and make a decision that best suits what you
want out of your life and go for what will enhance your quality of living.
Surrounding yourself with people who support and love you for you is what
matters the most.
Don’t settle. You only live once. Start by nurturing your
personal freedom and if monogamy suits you best- stick with what works for you
and your partner.
-J. Fiertze
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