Mother’s Day is a time of year when we pay our respects to our beloved mother or the woman who stood in our egg donor's place and taught us about the world. Either you show up with a fist full of flowers and a card, take Momma out to Denny’s for the all-day breakfast value menu deal, or you sit back and think of the fond memories you had with her, longing for a hug.
If you are a mother yourself, the day should be all about you. If you want to lie in bed and have someone tend to you for a change. Do you.
If you want to get your hair and nails done only for it to last a couple of days before you are back to lookin all disheveled and worn down from motherhood. Do what you gotta do.
If you want to hop in your car and disappear for a couple of hours to get your well deserved me time. I say, have at it. It’s your day and noone should be telling you what to do!
I’m a proud mother of two, to some others I’m just a rude ass motherf*cker. Either way, I paid my dues. My kids are all grown up, educated with degrees and up outta my house, cooking for themselves, washing their clothes, and handling their own dang business. They know they are loved but they also know when to let momma do her own thing without meddling all up in her business and being a pain in the ass. Those days are over.
So, back to Mother’s Day, I thought long and hard about the famous moms I wanted to interview this year. After asking several different ones who didn’t have time, for one sad reason or another, I settled with Mother Goose. This mother has been around for ages and is responsible for many of the nursery rhymes we learned as kids that don’t make any sense today.
Interview with Mother Goose
Lanai: Hi Mother Goose, thank you for taking the time to chat with me here at the Mad Hatters Tea room about this very special holiday. You haven’t aged one bit! Can you share with our readers what Mother’s Day means to you and how it has changed over the years?
Mother Goose: Hey Lanai, thank you you dear sweet child. Life Second keeps me forever young. It is an honor to be interviewed by you. You are one of the few mothers I can say did a good job raising your offspring. I hear one of them is a Therapist and the other is a professional video game creator!
Lanai: Thank you, Mother Goose. Yes, that is true. Both are a reflection of me. A mental case that loves virtual reality and gaming. Lol back to the previous questions.
Mother Goose: I never said you were Mother of the year, but you managed to pull it off, raising some amazing kids that actually know my nursery rhymes! Anyway, These new age tech moms are pathetic. They don’t even bother to pass long nursery rhymes to their kids. They hand them an iPad and let them play games as a free babysitting service so these baby makers have more time to post filtered selfies, glue on those ridiculous eyelashes, and fight with other moms on Facebook. I don’t even want to go on about all the dating sites they go on, looking for their next baby daddies.
We are living in a time where someone has to say it how they see it instead of ignoring what’s going on. Sorry not sorry. Their asses should be in parenting classes for Mother’s day.
Lanai: You sure keep it real. I have to agree with all of that but one thing really sticks out to me that I need to comment on. What the hell is going on with those thick ass lashes that seem to be a part of a beauty routine from some other planet.
Anyway,
Mother Goose: I can tell you are an empty nester. Eyelashes were the only thing you had a comment about from my previous statement. That reminds me of a nursery rhyme!
“Tweedledum and Tweedledee Agreed to have a battle; For Tweedledum said Tweedledee Had spoiled his nice new rattle. Just then flew down a monstrous crow, As black as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so, They quite forgot their quarrel”
Lanai: Sorry? *confused stare* Ummm ok then. Not sure what that's got to do with the price of tea in China…. Anyway. You are right about the absentee moms who wonder where the years have gone and get all mad when their kids grow up to resent them and show zero respect.
Mother Goose: MMhmmm. So, How do you plan on spending Mother’s Day?
Lanai: I'd love for my kids to travel to see me, but in reality, they are adulting and have responsibilities. One lives in Florida, and the other is about an hour and a half from me. I’ll be happy with phone calls If I don’t get surprised, I may catch up on some sleep and snuggle with my cat. Even empty nesters have me time.
Mother Goose: Well, if it makes you feel better, you are a cat mom, and I’m sure he is needy. That reminds me of a nursery rhyme! “ And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when
We'll get together then, you know we'll have a good time then"
Lanai: Ummmm… What the hell? That's not a nursery rhyme. It's lyrics to a song by Harry Chapin…
Mother Goose: Oh, right. Well, here’s a good one I think you will like. “Hey diddle diddle, The cat and the fiddle,The cow jumped over the moon;The little dog laughedTo see such sport, And the dish ran away with the spoon”.
Lanai: Ok , can you stop with the nursery rhymes? It’s making me feel very uncomfortable.
Mother Goose: I’m sorry, hunny, I just thought they would make you happy. All my kids loved them. The kid songs out today, like Baby Shark, not to mention that awful Barney. These characters are really frightening and upsetting to me.
Lanai: I’m a grown up remember? I’m not into that stuff either… So, what are your plans for Mother’s Day?
Mother Goose: My apologies. For Mother’s Day, I plan on publishing a new series of Nursery rhymes that make more sense in this day and age. Would you like to hear one?
Lanai: FFS. Dear goodness. I’ll wait for a published copy like everyone else.
Mother Goose: Are you sure?
Lanai: Yes, thank you. I think we are done with this interview. Thanks again…
Mother Goose: Oh! Before we part ways I must share one last special rhyme with you. Everybody have you heard? “Mock (yeah) Ing (yeah) Bird (yeah) Yeah (Oh yeah) He's gonna buy me a mockingbird And if that mockingbird don't sing He's gonna but me a diamond ring And if that diamond ring won't shine Surely break this heart of mine And that's why I keep on tellin' everybody. Say yeah, yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, uh, oh He's gonna buy me some peace of mind And if that peace of mind don't stay I'm gonna find myself a better way And if that better way ain't so I'll ride with the tide and go with the flow And that's why I keep on shoutin' in your ear Say yeah, yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, uh, oh”
Lanai: WTF lady?
Mother Goose: Bye, bye, goodbye
Bye, bye, bye, bye, goodbye. I can clap my hands. I can stamp my feet. I can clap my hands. I can stamp my feet. Bye, bye, goodbye Bye, bye, bye, bye, goodbye Bye, bye, goodbye Bye, bye, bye, bye, goodbye Goodbye!
Lanai: What kinda shit? Ok… I don’t know what’s in your tea, but I gotta go. *speed walks away and doesn’t look back*
Happy Mother’s Day, ya’ll!
Special thanks to aquarius denimore
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