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16 Years and counting...Got SL News? Get it Published! Contact Lanai Jarrico at lanaijarrico@gmail.com
Showing posts with label heartbreak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heartbreak. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Betrayal, Love and Survival Stories- Seersha Heart Reporting...



Each one of us are human beings whether we are in our first lives or in Second life.  In Second life losing someone is no easier than losing someone in real life.  Second life is just that, part of our lives and our hearts.  Betrayal is a real part of some people’s Second life experience.  I spoke to a few residents about experiences they had in Second life with betrayal and lost relationships.  The reactions ranged from surprise to a deep cut to the bone of hurt.  I also asked each one of the people I spoke to if they had any words of advice to others in relationships.  [names are changed to protect the privacy]

            Happyguy75 aka Simon was partnered to a woman in Second life for almost three years.  They spoke on the phone every day, sometimes two or three times.  She was the first person he called with any news.  After their first year, they met for a couple days IRL and enjoyed their long weekend together.  It was another evening that seemed like any other evening when Simon logged into Second life.  Everything seemed normal when he logged in; he rezzed at the family home.  He enjoyed building and went to work on a project he had left out in their yard.  When she wasn’t going to log on she would call him or email him.  He was working on his project and as time moved forward she didn’t log on, didn’t call, didn’t contact him.  His first reaction was worry.  He was afraid something had happened to her.  He called her, no answer.  He spent a sleepless night worrying about her.  When he logged on the next day, their home had been removed.  He had several return notices of items.  He contacted the land owner who told him Shelia said they didn’t need the land any more.  He now noticed she was not on his friends list.  He panicked and tried IMing her, going to their favorite club, trying to find friends.  Simon tried to keep calm as he contacted a couple of their mutual friends.  Each one he contacted said they were sorry to hear about the break up.  Simon’s heart went to his throat as he tried to be cool and not show he was surprised.  He was homeless and standing at a furniture store just lost and thinking when he received an IM from a friend.  This friend told him she was sorry and that she thought what Shelia did was terrible.  Through a bit of back and forth Simon learned that Shelia had left him to be with a man she met only a month ago.  Simon would never again hear from Shelia, but he suspected her of some dropped calls he received irl a month later.
            There are couples who have been together since the beginning of Second life so many years ago.  Tammy and Stefano Serendipity were one of those couples.  Together since August 2006, they lived through many of the changes that have happened in Second life.  They lived on two separate continents and never met; yet it worked for them.  Well it worked for them until it didn’t work anymore.  They made plans to meet irl after ten years.  Now, they both believed they were destined to be together irl.  They have spoken about their plans, where they might live, how all of this would happen for them.  Tammy flew to their agreed upon destination to meet him.  He was not there when he promised he would be there.  She had her laptop computer and immediately logged into Second lifefrantic with what may have happened to him.  After several hours of logging in and out he logged into Second life.  He told her he was married irl.  All the planning for the future was something he really wished could happen for them.  He had even planned to meet Tammy using an excuse with his wife to be away from home.  In the end he couldn’t do it.  What hurt Tammy the most is that Stefano had met and married this woman after Stefano had met Tammy in Second life; four years after.  Tammy told me that she would have understood if he told her when he met this new wife.  She said she could have understood as they were continents apart, rl first.  Tammy told me she cried for a month and could not log into Second life.  With Stefano coming clean it tore her apart and everything she did in Second life was with him.
            Readers I was going to save this for the end, but I will tell you now the amazing news.  While asking different people for their experiences with Second life relationships and betrayal I met both Simon and Tammy.  Now Simon and Kittytam [Tammy’s new name], they were together at the Blarney Stone when I met them.  The met at the blarney stone and are now dating.  Simon said initially they began talking one night about their experiences.  It was a venting session until a friend of Simon’s came into the Blarney Stone and asked Simon in local “Simon introduce me to your new girlfriend”.  Simon said he hadn’t even considered getting another girlfriend but quickly IMed Kittytam to play along.  He told Kittytam it would be less awkward than telling his friend the truth.  In local Simon said, “She likes to be called Kitty”.  They met a few more times without mentioning that incident to talk.  Soon Simon reasoned with Kittytam that they should give it a shot.  Now they are doing just that with dating.
            Not all betrayals are between long time partners.  I spoke to men and to women who learned they were someone’s side girlfriend or boyfriend.  I spoke to some friends who felt betrayed by friends, not within a romantic relationship.  Too many stories of one person leaving the other for a best friend.  II picked two stories of the ones I listened too in the past weeks.  The first is about a woman named Aquagirl2015 aka Sugar Puss.


            Sugar Puss came into Second life for fun.  She was not going to have a long term or a committed relationship.  This freewheeling attitude gave her plenty of fun.  She would meet people from all over the world.  She made great friends.  One day she met Sophia at Second life’s notorious [the chamber] club.  They became fast friends often seeing each other at [the chamber] or one of the other upscale social sex clubs.  They shopped together, they both worked on making the most beautiful avis with mesh and bento parts.  Sugar was the single one and Sophia had a boyfriend Dragon.  Sugar said she never enjoyed being with Sophia when Dragon was around.  He was aloof toward her while in his presence Sophia would act jealous of Sugar and any other woman around.  Sugar would avoid seeing Sophia when Dragon was online.  She spoke to Sophia once but didn’t feel as if Sophia listened to her.  If she avoided “Dragon time” the friends had a great time.
            Then Dragon began coming online times where Sugar was online and Sophia wasn’t online.  At first Sugar would see his name come up when he logged in and they never spoke.  Then one day they were both at [the chamber] at the same time.  Sugar said they spoke briefly and politely.  This happened regularly after that that she would log in and he would be at one of her usual spots.  They barely spoke.  Upon reflection, Sugar tells me, she should have wondered what Dragon was doing at these spots along if he was in a relationship with her best friend.  We all know what came next even before Sugar tells me.  Sophia logs in one day when both Dragon and Sugar are at [the chamber].  Sophia starts a huge argument with Sugar, accusing her of trying to take Dragon away from her.  She and Dragon leave the club.  The accusations fly at Sugar in a steady stream for a couple days.  Sophia won’t talk to Sugar about anything else, she ignores her.  Sugar tells me the friendship ended her choice.  She said Sophia said horrible things to her and in the end Sugar didn’t feel like it could be repaired.


Sugar believes that Dragon did what he could to flame this fire between the women.  She can’t prove it, but she told me that before Sophia and she were friends Dragon flirted with her at a club.  She didn’t flirt back and never mentioned the incident to Sophia.  Nothing came of it so she let it go.  To this day she is sure he didn’t let it go at all.  Sugar confessed to seeing them at some of the same places now.  They never speak.  It bothered her a log when it first happened but now she tells me they are “strangers”.
            Unfortunately, I could write more stories with many more combinations and scenarios.  Sometimes people suck.  Period.  Yet for as many betrayal stories that I could write, I can honestly say I found many more wonderful stories.  For every betrayal, there must have been ten stories of friendships and relationships built over months and years.  As Simon put it, he had to move forward to find himself and others in Second life and has never been happier.  I asked the people in more successful friendships and relationships what tips they would give anyone in getting past a betrayal.  I narrowed the list to these:

·         Don’t blame yourself, don’t stop caring about others in Second life
·         Don’t forget the friends you may leave behind if you take a break, give them a warning
·         Come back and chase away those old feelings
·         Build your friendship support group, be a good friend, be genuine
·         Don’t use your old relationship as a crutch
·         Remember we are all people and all have feelings



There is no magic pill or secret method to avoid heartbreak in Second life any more than there is irl.  
The same betrayals that exist outside of Second lifeexist within Second life.  The more centered you are with yourself and your core group of friends, the happier it seems you will be.  I have personally experienced betrayal as I feel that many people have in Second life.  I don’t know what the future holds for me or any of us.  I log in, talk to my friends, chase down a story, flirt and sometimes have a boyfriend.  I hope whatever it is that you hope for most in your Second life relationships happens for you.  I can tell you something with certainty; if you never try, if you never move forward, you will miss out on so many things.


Seersha Heart [saoirseheart resident]

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

AVIE POLL: Catfishing in SL: Have you ever been lied to and tricked by an SL love interest?- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…


Catfishing is not a new practice on the internet. Lying about oneself can happen on dating sites, social networks and most definitely in Second Life where anyone can create a false persona and wander around the grid lying to others for their own personal gratification. I’ve been around for many years and have heard some of the craziest stories imaginable. Detecting frauds can be difficult but by paying attention to detail you have a better chance of saving yourself from heartbreak and grief due to a Catfisher.
 I wandered the grid and asked residents if they have ever been lied to or tricked by an SL love interest and wasn’t surprised by the results. Their names have been changed for privacy.



Lanai: Have you ever been Catfished?
Nelly: Yes! I have been catfished more than once in the 3 years I’ve been in secondlife. The first time was in my first year when I met someone at a club. I wasn’t looking for a relationship but he seemed very nice and we started talking. He told me he was 23, single and worked for a software company in Florida.  We talked for about 6 months. He would send me pictures but never wanted to voice or go on skype with me. Little things he would say didn’t seem to match up. One day he slipped and said he was going to his nephew’s graduation out of town and wouldn’t be around. That seemed legit until he came back a couple of weeks later and told me he had a confession and that he felt really bad for leading me on. It turned out that he was 48, married and his rl wife had come in the room and caught him dancing with me and demanded that he break things off with me or she was going to leave him. She was standing over his shoulder when he confessed all this to me. I was so heartbroken and felt embarrassed that I shared so much about my life with him.  After that I never spoke to him again.
Lanai: Wow Nelly I’m sorry to hear that. You couldn’t tell by the pictures he sent you that something was odd?
Nelly: Oh! Here is the best part because I did ask him about the pictures. It turned out to be his son! He was basically acting as his son who is 23.
Lanai: That’s crazy! Do you have any advice for our readers about watching for the signs of a catfisher?
Nelly: If I could go back I would have asked him to skype with me and question him more since he said he was single and living alone. Looking back his excuses were a bit strange.
Lanai: That makes sense. Thank you for sharing your story.



The next person I spoke to had a mind blowing story that made me wonder about the mental state of some of these bold catfishers in Second Life.

Lanai: Thank you for taking the time to tell me your story. Can you tell our readers about your catfishing experience?

Anonymous: Hi Lanai, yes. I was dating a girl I had met here in Second Life for a year and things got pretty serious. She told me she was 24 and living with her sister in New Jersey. I live in Texas and we agreed to have a long distance relationship. She was telling me she loved me and wanted to be with me. I felt the same way about her.  We never spoke on cam because she said she was shy and only sent me her picture a few times. She was a pretty girl with blue eyes and blonde hair. The hard part about our relationship was that we lived half way across the country from each other but we spoke on the phone a lot. I really did care about her and was willing to meet up. After talking about it for a while she told me she would come see me. I took a week vacation from work and helped her make flight arrangements. I went to pick her up at the airport and I was floored when I saw her. She was nothing like the pictures and she was much older and heavier. She tried to apologize and explain why she lied but I was so hurt that I left her there and she had to take a flight back home the same day. I immediately blocked her number and in second life. The weeks following that she came onto second life on alts to try to get me back but what she had done I couldn’t forgive. She is probably doing it to someone else because she was a really good liar.

Lanai: Now that is crazy! What was she thinking lying like that and then actually taking a flight to see you?

Anonymous: I couldn’t understand that either but I am never taking that chance again. Before I even think about meeting anyone else in second life, I want to at least skype with them so I know exactly who I am with.
Lanai: it is safe to say that is a good idea!


This Catfishing story is one of the worst because not only did the victim get lied to but the person who did it was the same sex!

Steven: This is embarrassing but I’ll share my story because I know this happens a lot and people should know. I was catfished by a guy posing as a girl. I met this person while I was at a charity event. I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend at the time because I just went through an ugly breakup and just needed someone to talk to about it. At first it was strictly platonic and we became friends. We would go exploring and do fun things together like horseback riding, boating and club hopping. It all started when “she” asked me to dance. Those intan balls have a funny way of making a mood change and the next thing I know we were kissing and cuddling. Things were moving faster then I was ready for but I needed something to cure my loneliness and I let my guard down.  We ended up having sex. After that she wanted to take me to some sex clubs and I went with her. She wanted to try new things and I was game but a little taken aback by some of the things she wanted to do like use a strap on with me. I am a straight man so I told her no and she got upset and we started arguing about it. Finally she confessed to me that she was really a man and she laughed about it. I never felt so disgusted in my life. It definitely changed my view of dating in Second Life and now I don’t trust any girl who approaches me first.

Lanai: I’m sorry to hear that Steven! Didn’t you ever try to talk in voice or anything?
Steven: No, but I probably should have and will do voice verification from now on.



I sent a note in the SL Enquirer Media group looking for people willing to share their catfish story and here is one of the responses:

Anonymous: the answer is yes. I was married in sl for almost 2 years thinking  the person I was falling for  was actually the  daughter  of  the one I was involved with. Coming to find out the picture that I thought were the person I was dating was actually her  24 year old daughter.

Lanai:  how did you find it all out? Did she confess?
Anonymous: her daughter told me, so we  got SL divorced and during the  2 years of being  with her we  had a  son who was a zoobie. We are still friends cause we share our  son yet  there will never be anything  more than friendship now

Lanai: that is terrible. I’m sorry that happened to you. Do you have any advice for people on what signs to look for?
Anonymous: learning experience. when I was a week  old I  dated  this  girl I had  just  bought a sim and built a club and a house on the land.  Well, this girl was like, we are together so I should be co owner of land with her. I was very naive in SL.  I logged out  she banned me  from my own land and stole my sim. My first hard lesson of sl love.



This story really pulled at my heartstring because not only do catfishers cause emotional damage to their victims but they do it without any empathy. Much like how a serial killer preys on the weak. Serial Catfishers kill the spirits of their victims.
 It is not a joke to lie for sport or selfish reasons because it can cause irreversible emotional damage to someone who didn’t deserve it. (her name has been changed to protect her privacy)

Mary: I was catfished when I needed someone the most and it added to my depression and almost made me commit suicide. I had to go to a therapist because of what he did to me and I am still in recovery. I’m in a wheelchair because of multiple sclerosis. I am often in pain and on medication. I rarely go out so secondlife is where I can socialize and feel normal without being judged. I have lots of friends who support me here. I met someone at a concert and we danced and talked. We spent a lot of time together and he accepted my disability. He always asked how my day was and kept me company. I really fell in love with him and he told me he loved me too. He asked me to marry him in secondlife and I said yes. I was so happy to have someone in my life. It took away the loneliness and made my days easier. Then things started to change, and I saw less of him. He told me he was working a lot but promised we would spend time when he had a chance.  One day out of the blue he tells me we can’t be together anymore. I was devastated. It was like he did a total 180. I felt like I deserved an explanation since for months he was telling me how much he loved me and would always be there for me. Finally he confessed that it was because he felt sorry for me and he wasn’t attracted to me. He also said he found another girlfriend. Later I found out he had another girlfriend all along on an ALT and many of the things he told me about him were a lie. It deeply hurt me and I felt like my life was over. I still feel like I’ll never get a chance to find someone because of how heartless he was to me.



Finding people willing to talk about their experiences wasn’t that hard because sadly it is common in Second Life. Wanting to be anonymous was also common and understandable too. No one wants to be tricked into an emotional situation and make it public. I appreciate those who participated in this poll for their willingness to share their story and hopefully help someone else from being a victim of a catfisher.

If you have a Catfish story or advice to share, use the comment box below


Thursday, March 13, 2014

Overcoming a Break Up in Second Life- Jessi2009 Warrhol Reporting…




So you were at work in real life and saw the email that showed your items had been returned from land you shared with your Second Life significant other. Or you logged on and found out that you were de-partnered and your Second Life significant other had blocked/muted you from contacting them. 

These two scenarios may sound like horrible ones, but they are often true in Second Life. So how do you mend your broken heart?  Surviving a break in Second Life can be just as emotional and can take as much time as surviving a real life breakup.

This article looks at how you can recover from a Second Life breakup and mend your heart in the process.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

BOTCHED ROMANCE Jessi2009 Warrol Reporting…


Second Life romances can mirror real life romances in many ways. Couples can meet, fall in love, and do many of the same activities virtually as they can in real life.





Of course not all romances end positively and just like in real life, Second Life romances can cause heartache and stress. In this article I will explore how to bounce back from bad Second Life relationships and share the stories of two Second Life avatars who recently overcame the struggles of bad relationships of their own.

I sat down to speak first with “Tyler” who had a botched Second Life romance last year. Tyler stated that he and his former Second Life girlfriend, “Emily,” had dated in Second Life for two years. Both he and Emily considered themselves to be more than just a Second Life romance. As Tyler explained, “Once you share so many details about yourself with a person, it is hard not to take the romance into real life”.  Emily and Tyler spent most of their days together in Second Life either clubbing or exploring. They had even ventured over to other virtual worlds. By year number two of the relationship, both had started making plans to take the relationship further into real life and Emily had even booked a flight to visit Tyler.

 
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