HOLIDAY MASCOT SERIES: Interview with a Female Leprechaun 2024- Lanai Jarrico Reporting

 

Before we get into this extra peculiar interview with this year’s St Patrick’s day mascot, I wanted to remind St Patrick’s Day fans what the holiday is really about since it seems to be associated with drinking….heavily.

  St Patricks Day was first officially observed in 1631 when the church put together a feast day honoring St Patrick; the Patron Saint of Ireland.

 Back story time… Did you know St Patrick was kidnapped from Britain and sold into slavery in Ireland when he was 16 years old.  He escaped six years later and vowed to convert Ireland into Christianity and vanquished all snakes from Ireland not that there were any there to begin with. I think it's a metaphor for banishing evil.

 He wasn’t Irish nor was Patrick his real name. It was derived from the word “Patricus' ' in Latin; meaning nobleman or father figure. His real name was Maewyn Succat and he claimed that he deserved being kidnapped because of his lack of faith in God. He also claimed to hear voices and have visions too. Kinda like Joan of Arc. That’s pretty deep ya’ll.

Besides that, green wasn’t his favorite color either. It was blue. But be careful though…. rumor has it, If you don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, you might get pinched by a Leprechaun! 

Let me not even get started on the history of those holiday mascots...they are shoemakers that have some sort of fetish for gold that they hide at the end of a rainbow. If the gold is found, the little imp will grant three wishes.  Shrugs  I don’t know about you but I think it got a bit too Disney for me.

As far as the shamrock is concerned, there’s no evidence St Patrick was a gardener or ever wore a clover...It's a metaphor, a symbol for the holy trinity with the 3 leaves presenting the Father, the son and the holy spirit.

If we wanna throw it out there and keep it real. This holiday was really derived from Pagans,  there was a lot of that witchery going on back then. March 17th was originally Ostara; the spring equinox, celebrating rebirth and the balance of the universe but it got hijacked by another religion. Now it seems to hold no religious value at all.

I’m no historian or religious freak but I know a little somethin’.  I frankly don’t know what is being celebrated today though. It turned into a universal day of  heavy drinking, pub crawls, lots of green and a hangover the next day.

In Second life, the holiday is about venue hopping,music and dancing while double fisting virtual beverages. Our avatar is not responsible for our real person's consumption habits on this day or any other day for that matter.

 I think I like this version of holiday observation best because I can actually interview a leprechaun and not even feel weird about it.

 With that said…

St. Patrick’s day is right around the corner so off I ventured the grid in search of this year’s  little green dude to snatch up and interrogate errrr…. Interview. I went to my old haunt for holiday mascots and didn’t find any leprechauns at an AA meeting…oddly enough.

 I even tried looking for the end of a rainbow and it led me to an LGBTQIA club. I hung out there a bit with great music and friendly peeps,  then decided to go to the next best place…. The Blarney Stone -Irish Pub.

I was a bit hesitant to go inside at first because of past history that I do not care to discuss. Let’s just say it was so worth the SLE police report at the time lol.

Anyway, while ordering up a nice cold Guiness and scanning the place, I noticed what looked like a giant Leprechaun.  She seemed a bit intoxicated while dancing around and somewhat singing the lyrics to a song like a drunken karaoke superstar.

 I dropped my tab and tip on the bar and walked over to her. The first question I wanted to ask was where she shops when she voluntarily slurred out that she was a Leprechaun lookin for a good time. I found it a bit strange being that she was the height of an average avatar and that she was…. what appeared to be a woman…

Thinking to myself, this holiday cannot get any stranger with its constant evolution but decided I’ll interview her. What do I have to lose, except for readers who aren't into this crazy kinda shit.

INTERVIEW WITH JEZEBEL THE LEPRECHAUN

Lanai: Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. I wanted to ask…

Jezebel: Hey beautiful. Come dance with me.

Lanai: Oh thank you for the offer but I wasn’t hitting on you. I just wanted to know where you shop. That is a creative outfit you have on.

Jezebel: Ohh my bad. I’m a Leprechaun.. Well half. My dad is… my mom…she’s an elf. I get my ears from my momma.

Lanai: Who’d you get the height from?

Jezebel: My mother told me to never ask her those types of questions... She was a drunk when I was conceived and barely remembers my dad.

Lanai: Sorry I didn't mean to get all personal.

Jezebel: Not at all. I’ve been trying to get him to take a paternity test but he refused to give up gold in child support.

Lanai: Dang, Sorry to hear all that.  I must say you are the first female leprechaun I’ve met or even heard of.

Jezebel: I get that all the time lol. I wasn’t born this way. With the abundance of acceptance in the SL community, my love of Lady Gaga and excessive amounts of makeup and lashes I am living my true self and loving it. 

Lanai: Well you go girl! Live your best Slife. There is nothing wrong with that!

Jezebel: Thank you! So you're a journalist huh?

Lanai: I’ve been called worse lol. Yes and was out looking for a Leprechaun to interview for St Patrick's day

Jezebel: Well you came to the right place honey. I’ll answer your questions since I’m technically one.

Lanai: *looks at her with a long contemplating stare*

Jezebel: What?

Lanai: This is the first time I'm lost for words. I don’t even know what to ask you.

Jezebel: I understand all that glitters is not gold and all those tacky sayings but you did hit the jackpot lady luck. I’ll be your best interview ever!

Lanai: Ok… So what are your plans for St. Patrick’s Day?

Jezebel: I really didn’t have any plans, I was hoping you could give me some ideas.

Lanai: What’s the point if a leprechaun doesn’t even have plans? I think most avies nowadays just treat it like another day in SL. Others, I suppose visit St. Patty’s Day themed events to take advantage of any contests or sales happening. Other than that, I’m as stumped as you are.

Jezebel: As a leprechaun and unofficial St. Patrick’s Day representative I propose that everyone visit The Blarney Stone Irish Pub. It’s as Irish as it gets in SL. *shrugs* Besides that, name dropping their venue in The SL Enquirer might get me some popularity points with management. I’ve been looking for a job.

Lanai: FFS… Would you happen to know where the Easter Bunny likes to hang out?

Jezebel: Umm. Why am I suddenly feeling used for your next interview project?

Lanai:  Well yeah, thank you for the inspiration. I  wish you luck with your new job if you get it.

Jezebel: Thanks. Sorry gotta run!  my wife just pulled into the driveway, I was supposed to take chicken out of the freezer a couple hours ago to defrost. 

*oops* I’m so embarrassed. I didn’t mean to type that in open chat.

Lanai: *stares in disbelief*

Sometimes you have to admit defeat, even in the writing game. Not all interviews come easy and this one just baffled the hell out of me.

*Cheers* 

 Happy St Patrick's day!

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INTERVIEW WITH SANTA 2023- Whos being Naughty or Nice?- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...

 

The holiday season is the time of year where people seem to evaluate how naughty or nice they have been as well as determine who gets gifts or a big ol’ lump of coal. This year I had a secret meeting with Santa to try and get an idea of how he rates my conduct this year so I can ... .agree or disagree with his findings in hopes I don’t end up taking hours shoveling the big pile of coal he left in my front yard last year. I personally think he made a mistake and it was meant for a neighbor… He has been very elusive this year and sending all my calls to voicemail so I decided to show up at this house in the North Pole unannounced to have a few words with him.

INTERVIEW WITH SANTA

*LANAI POUNDS ON THE DOOR LIKE THE SLPD* AND PEEKS THROUGH THE WINDOWS*

LANAI: Santa, I know you are in there! I just want to talk to you about a package left in my yard last year in error. It was clearly from you but the shipping fee was way too high to return it.

SANTA: Go away, I do not answer to solicitors.

LANAI: Stop playing, you know exactly who I am. 

SANTA: Lanai, you have got to be the biggest pain in the ass from the time you started walking.  think I don’t remember the child you were back then and the adult version you are today. Now go away! 

LANAI: Sighs. Do I have to remind you of the special brownies I left you instead of stale cookies over the years? What do you think makes you so jolly after stopping at my house on Christmas eve? Are we really going to have this conversation through a door? It’s cold. Let me in!

SANTA: *grumbling* Unlatches about 20 locks* Come in and stop shouting. I don’t need the reindeers knowing about that.

LANAI: It’s nice to see you too. *dusts off the snow and walks inside* So Santa, why do you hold such a grudge against me for every foul thing I may Have done. For every “minor” incident, I do like 20 nice things so stop dumping coal in my yard every year.

SANTA: Lanai, I have covered up for a lot of things you have done like the time you accidentally lit a whole sim on fire trying the magic hud you got for Christmas one year. Or in 2020 when you tried stealing a Christmas tree from the town square and ended up in the paper as the victim.

LANAI: Wasn’t me and the tree thing… I was traumatized! Don’t you have any compassion!

SANTA: Lanai…. You dropped your ID when you hauled ass out of there after the fire, they even got you on video… And you are lucky I pulled some string to have it reported in the newspaper in your favor!

LANAI: Fine. I admit that was an accident. I didn’t know pressing the red button would blow up a whole sim, no one got hurt…. I’ll admit the Christmas tree incident was kinda my fault…Thank you for the cover up but you didn't have to give them a picture to use!

SANTA: Thank goodness no one was hurt either time!  What about the time you cause an all out brawl at an Avatar anonymous meeting with all the holiday mascots. One of them lost a toe in the whole ordeal.

LANAI: Hey, they were already feuding before I got there. I tried to mediate but it got out of hand when cupid tried hitting on me and the Easter Bunny got jealous. Stop bringing up the past, I’m a new woman and I am devoting myself to peace and harmony.

SANTA:  Pfft. the only time the world is at peace and harmony is when you are sleeping! For once take some responsibility for your actions.  You continuously appear at catastrophic events in Second Life, yet none of it is your fault.

LANAI: I agree. I just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m a reporter. That’s usually how it goes. I’m constantly putting myself at the front lines risking my second life and you consider it all my fault!?! Enough about me. What about the time you needed me to talk some sense into Mrs. Clause, she was about to leave your ass for Father time. Or the time you got caught being a peeping tom instead of dropping off gifts at a swingers club which I will not name.

                                                (Lanai talked sense into Mrs. Clause)

SANTA: OMG, lower your voice, Mrs Clause is taking a nap.

LANAI: Santa, If I apologize, will you reconsider giving me my Christmas wish this year? I’m not asking for much.

SANTA: If I consider revising my naughty list for you, will you leave me alone?.... What is it you want?

LANAI: A man. Not just any man though. One who is smart, talented, gifted in specific areas, sexy, and wants only me. A Prince preferably.

Lanai’s dream man

SANTA: You just described Patrick Dempsey aka “MCDreamy”. He was featured in People’s Magazine 2023 as the sexiest man alive ya know. But he’s not a Prince…

LANAI: Are you kidding me? We weren’t even a match on the exclusive dating app Raya! Aside from that he placed 3rd in a Juggling contest back in high school and had aspirations to go to clown College. No thank you.

Just sayin’

SANTA: Fine. Let me see what I can do. Now if that is all you want you don’t have to leave the North Pole but you gots to get the hell out of here before the wife wakes up. You know she thinks we had a thing since that Christmas party back in 2009 when you sat on my lap and started singing “Happy Birthday Mr President”

LANAI: I don’t recall.

SANTA: Yea ok. You know exactly what you were trying to do.

LANAI: *blinks* Give me a little credit. That wasn’t a candy cane in your pocket…

SANTA: Lanai… I know you have a thing for me and all but, I cannot be your Christmas present!

LANAI: Don’t flatter yourself Mr Clause. One of the things I’m looking for is someone hot and I hate to break it to you. I was drunk off Eggnog that night. I’m not going to do this back and forth with you. I’ll be expecting a sexy man wrapped in a big ass bow under my tree Christmas morning. If not, I’m telling Mrs. Clause EVERYTHING! Including your account on squirt.org and about your 7 illegitimate kids that live with Snow White.

SANTA: OK! OK! Does height matter?

Lanai: MMMMhmmmm it sure does. Ok my mission is done here. Merry Christmas Santa, You should treat yourself to something special this year. Like a ticket to Mars on one of those SpaceX rockets. Bye Felicia!

Disclosure: This is a spoof interview. Santa really doesn’t have an account on squirt.org. Lanai was bluffing but perhaps he does since he didn't deny it. Everything he accused Lanai of is fake news. Everything about Patrick Dempsey is true but you can’t always believe everything you read on the internet.

 On behalf of The SL Enquirer, Have a very Merry Christmas and a super fantastic New Year!

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Interview with Uncle Sam 2023- It ain't that kinda Party- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...

 

Interview with Uncle Sam- It ain't that kinda Party

Another year , another celebration for a country that most other countries don't really care for because of all the BLEEPERY. But hey I live here so I have to kinda sorta appreciate the fact that our forefathers signed the declaration of Independence to free us from the grips of Great Ol’ Britain.  Ahhhhh Freedom. I wonder what would have become of us all had those secret freemasons never decided to sever ties. The one thing I wish would have remained is the proper British accent. It’s sexy and sophisticated compared to our laid back lazy dialect.. 

Maybe it would have prevented a lot of the BS we deal with in this country today. It would be hard taking someone seriously who offers you tea after a heated confrontation. Oh Bloody hell.  Anyways, don’t mind me, I'm just rambling. Lemme stop before I get hate mail from people who might have gotten offended by that. To clear the air, I did my DNA Ancestry test and I can sit up here and say I have family ties to every country with the exception of Asia and Vikings.  

Speaking on that test though, it had me questioning if my dad was really my dad. My high concentration in Scotland, Ireland and dots around Europe As well as Africa’s Bantu people. It makes me feel like I was swapped at birth or something.. Ahhh genetics. I can’t wait til they disclose we are all alien experiments gone wrong.

 If we all took a step back, everyone in this world is related in some way. There’s no such thing as an illegal alien. That’s just rude, we are all aliens. Anyone who disagrees can go back to Mars or something. You need to get your life together.

Let it make sense. With that said, I decided to kick back and have a chat with Uncle Sam and find out why we continue to celebrate Independence and freedom in a country so divided in a world where eyes are on us like the bad kid at Sunday school.

Hey Uncle Sam, So… we meet at the Statue of Liberty… it’s been a while, last year it seems you took a day off for the holiday and could not be found. I’m guessing those student loans got you home for the holiday eating ramen noodles instead of a big fat steak on the grill.  

Uncle Sam: Hey Lanai… one of my least favorite nieces… It pains me to even ask, how have you been these days?  I heard you have been relocating across the country more than a fugitive. *sighs* This is the only place I feel like I can get away from it all and then you show up. Lady Liberty was a fine woman, we dated back in France. She was the love of my life but  She ended up running off with someone named Monalisa and moving to Italy. As one final blow, she had this big monstrosity of a statue shipped here to taunt me.

Lanai: Well damn not sure what to say to that.. Sorry to hear she did you dirty like that.  It’s great to see you too…yea I been around,  I still can’t decide which state is worse… So anyway, what are your plans for the 4th?

Uncle Sam: I’m glad you asked. I’m planning on having some words with the justice system over that major “Sike” move the commander in chief made with the whole student loan forgiveness plan. It appears all you educated imbeciles out there will start repaying those loans soon. It doesn't matter if you have a PhD, greeting people at the local Walmart or still trying to land that dream job that pays at least a 3rd of what your educated ass is worth.  It’s going to be a hardship for all. So brace yourself and cut back on getting your hair and nails done.

Lanai: That’s pretty BLEEPED up if you ask me. I literally went to the polls with hopes of some help. Man do I feel like a dumbass. I’m blaming Covid for everything, in addition to those dang wildfires fogging up our atmosphere. Not to mention stupid TikTok Videos that most will regret in 10 years.

Uncle Sam: Oh Lanai,you have a lot of ridiculous gripes. Of all my nieces and nephews , you are by far the most problematic.  Not even your distant cousins who struck up the whole witch trials in Salem held a candle to your antics. If you aren’t disappearing for months at a time doing god knows what, you are talking smack about stuff most of us want to sweep under the rug to keep the peace around here.

Lanai: Peace? Is that even a thing anymore? Peace was not having to answer a landline and letting it go straight to the answering machine or going to the corner store with 4 quarters as a kid and buying a pack of cigarettes without question. The shit we deal with today makes growing up in the 80s and 90’s feel like that was the best it would ever get…

Uncle Sam: True, the 80s and  90’s were pretty bad ass. Is crack still a thing? I’ve been around for a very long time and I’ve seen and done some shit. Today’s world sucks quite frankly and I just want to throw my patriotically decorated top hat to the flames and say (BLEEP) It. But I don’t want to be labeled as that crazy drunk uncle at the BBQs.

Lanai: *shakes head* well someone has to break it to you. Nobody really likes you. You tax the shit out of everyone and none of us know what the heck we are paying for. Our roads got potholes with potholes, our bridges are failing, nobody recycles anymore because garbage trucks toss everything into one big slurry bin and keep it movin’, the price of eggs went up, pot is legal but expensive as hell at the dispensary. It’s cheaper to hit up old  high school connections and get the street dirt. And now, we gotta worry about air quality because of someone flicking a cigarette in Canada? WTF.

Uncle Sam: I don’t even have the energy to put you over my knee and spank you over all that fake news. What is it that you want from me? 

Lanai: I just wanted to say Happy 4th of July…and ask if I can borrow a couple bucks. There’s the Cannabis Festival coming up.

Uncle Sam: I'm inviting myself. The only way to understand this crazy world is to remain under the influence of something other than you.

Lanai: *innocent grin*  🙂

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SLE ARCHIVES 2015: Thanksgiving Interview with a Protesting Turkey- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, so it is time for another Holiday Mascot Interview. I truly enjoy meeting these characters in Second Life because something unexpected always happens. Last time I interviewed a Thanksgiving mascots, it ended in an argument between a Pilgrim and Indian. This year I decided I would talk to a Turkey about his perspective, so I went to a breedable farm...

Lanai: Excuse me Mr Turkey, my name is Lanai from The SL Enquirer.  Do you have time for an interview?

Turkey: Ugh that newspaper? pfft. Anyway,  My name is Justin and get away from me! I’m not in a very trusting mood this time of year.

Lanai: Hey now!  Relax, Justin. I’m not here to hunt you for my table. I just want to talk to you about Thanksgiving.

Turkey: What’s to talk about? It is not my favorite holiday, neither is Christmas. You humans need to think about making healthier choices that do not involve us.

Lanai: But Turkey is very healthy. It is a valuable source of protein and is a good source of iron, zinc, potassium, and phosphorus in addition to vitamin B6 and niacin, which are both essential for the body's energy production. Don’t make me get all educational about it, but I understand why you’d disagree with sacrificing yourself for us. I just wanted to get your perspective on this holiday.

Turkey: Well from my perspective, it isn’t all about zinc, potassium, vitamin B6 and blah blah blah all that other stuff. It’s all about being choked, feathers being plucked, and having my neckbone shoved up my ass! Then, to finish me off with a golden brown crisp. Doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun does it?  If it were up to me, I would hunt down humans and stick them in the center of a table for my family to gather around and see how you like it, but we are herbivores. Besides that, you humans eat way too much junk food and would not be healthy to eat, even for a pig!

Lanai:That wasn’t very nice Justin.

Turkey: What’s not nice is the annual roundup of my fellow feathered fowls...Lanai

Lanai: I guess you have a point. So what do you suggest we use as our main staple for Thanksgiving ?

Turkey: If I really had a say. I would suggest that nice stocky Amaretto horse over there! Let me make my case for your brutal holiday.  You can make horse bacon, ribs, scrapple, pony sausage, rump roast, horse shoulder, horse rinds, jerky and  stew. Do I need to go on? Don’t get me started on the breedable dragons and meeroos if you can catch one.

By this time all the Breedable animals gathered around to listen in…

Horse: Hold on a second Justin there is such a thing as turkey bacon just saying!  Remember you have to live here with us so be careful what you tell this nosy reporter.

Meerroos: Wait. What?

Justin the Turkey: I will peck both of your eyeballs out. Mind your own business. The way you both populate Second Life, you outta be the ones hunted!

Horse: Don’t make me come over there Justin.

Meeroos: pfft. *scurries off*

Justin the Turkey: Oh yea ponyboy? I got one thing to say! *points at the horses*  Lady,take your pick. Each one is at least 2,400 pounds of meat!

Lanai: Wooooah. Wait a minute.

Horse: *gives Justin the hoof and gallops off into the stable*

Chicken: Keep me and my chicks out of this conversation. This is the one day of the year that we get a break, so CLUCK OFF!

Justin the Turkey: Easy there feathered friend!  What’s one more day? Let’s not mention Football season and all the damn chicken wings these humans consume.

Lanai: OK, this is getting out of hand.  Let me just clear the air before a riot breaks out on this farm. I am just here to talk about Thanksgiving from a Turkey’s perspective.

Unknown animal in the crowd: You picked the wrong farm lady!

Lanai: Is that so? *smirks*

In the meantime, Justin the Turkey and his flock gets into an argument with the Horses and chickens while Lanai quietly backs out of the barn and starts the turkey deep fryer.

It is clear that an interview with a Turkey was not the best idea, especially on a farm where other disgruntled animals live just awaiting for consumption. However you celebrate Thanksgiving  be thankful for the animals who unwillingly sacrificed themselves for you.

Happy Thanksgiving SLE Fans!

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Unlucky St. Patrick’s Day- Interview with Larry the Leprechaun- Lanai Jarrico Reporting..

BACK STORY:

Mascot series. We met up with Larry, after an Avatar Anonymous meeting. He was kicked out for trying to attack several of the members. He’s dating a fairy stripper he met at a club named Mercedes.  Her crib gets robbed of all of Larry’s gold and now Larry is trying to find out who did it - only a handful of mascots knew about it. The Easter Bunny and Uncle Sam are suspects. Cupid couldn't have done it, he’s too busy trying to hook up with the CEO of SLE. Santa be on his own shit and Baby New year ain’t got time for that.

EPISODE 1- Unlucky St. Patrick’s Day- Interview with Larry the Leprechaun

Here’s something that will blow your mind…Did you know St. Patrick was actually kidnapped as a teen from Roman Britain and taken to Ireland as a slave. He wasn’t actually Irish but throughout his life until his death on March 17th, 461, he established churches, schools, and monasteries. Through the centuries there have been many legends surrounding St. Patrick. One of the most common is the legends he drove all the snakes out of Ireland and used a shamrock to explain the trinity.

St. Patrick’s day originated as a day of religious services and feasts. This holiday was brought to the United States by immigrants where it is a celebration of all things Irish, including annual parades. Today, St. Patrick’s Day is a holiday that is celebrated by many around the world, not just by the Irish culture. It has turned into an annual tradition for observers to eat, drink, wear green, and party with friends and family. 

In Second Life it is a different story…

We aren’t sure how Leprechauns and the idea of a pot of gold, getting lucky and even Lucky Charms; a children's cereal became a thing on St. Patrick’s Day, but in Second Life at an AA Meeting I came across Larry the Leprechaun and before I can even Introduce myself and start sharing my SL grievances with my peers, he got slapped hard by the Easter Bunny in front of everyone. 

(At an Avatar Anonymous meeting where a commotion erupts between Larry and the Easter Bunny)

Earl The Easter Bunny: *SLAP* Like Sweet Brown said… “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

The Spirit of Joan Rivers: Well shit! Get a hotel room for that.

Lanai: Woahhh What’s going on here?

Earl The Easter Bunny: This clown right here had it coming.  I’m only in this stupid meeting due to a court order but I’m no criminal!

Lanai: Well keep your paws to yourself, that was rude. So Larry,  Can I talk to you? *helps him off the ground after witnessing an attack from a fellow mascot.*

Larry the Leprechaun: *straightening out his jacket and dusts himself off as he stands back up to his feet and looks over* Who are you and how did you know my name?

Lanai: Hi my name is Lanai and I'm a reporter for SLE and “Larry”  is on your name tag?.... Me and everyone else couldn’t help but notice that slap you just received from the Easter Bunny. So why are you arguing with your peers at an AA Meeting?  Aren't you participating in these meetings to improve your self esteem and character as an upstanding Second Life avatar? Aside from that, it’s St. Patrick’s Day! Shouldn’t you be out protecting your pot of gold or something?

Larry the Lep: *looks down at his name tag and cusses ripping it off and tossing it on the ground* A reporter? That is all I need right now, no, I need the police! Someone stole my pot of gold from my girlfriend Mercedes’s house and I need to find it! I know it had to be one of these muppets in there. I will find out who did it! Damn it.

Lanai: Calm down... So when was the last time you saw Mercedes and your pot of gold?

Larry the Lep:* looks like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum as he jumps up and down* 

Calm down?!? Calm Down? That is me gold we are talking about lassy, me GOLD! The gold was at her place in her bedroom closet on Monday, I remember seeing the most beautiful glow coming from underneath the door, it was magnificent. I’m not sure why she isn’t at the meeting…

Bernie: It ain’t my business.

The spirit of Joan Rivers: Who gives a sh*t? F you and you , and him too.

Lanai: Joan… Be nice to your peers this meeting is supposed to empower. 

Santa: Ho! Ho! Ho! Where’s the peppermint creamer?

Spirit of Joan Rivers: Oh Shut up Nick!

 Lanai: There is a lot of pent up energy in this meeting today. We may have to switch to lavender tea… Look Larry, something sounds amiss. Do you know if Mercedes had anyone over in the past couple of days or did you tell anyone else about your stashed loot?

Bernie: Don’t mind me. I’m just chillin…

Spirit of Joan Rivers: F*ck off.

Larry the Lep: Bernie why are you even here?  Anyways…. What! My Mercedes?!?! She wouldn’t have anyone else over, she loves me, oh my lovely lassy, she is one for the pages of my heart I say.. NO she wouldn’t have anyone else over or tell anyone about me gold!

Bernie: Rude.

Lanai: Leave Bernie alone! This meeting is open to anyone going through viral meming and virtual world issues!  Mercedes. Her name sounds familiar….Wait.. Isn’t she that tooth fairy who got busted with glitter dust a year ago? The one that works at “The Burnt Mushroom” Strip Club on the east side? If that’s the one… it sounds like Mercedes was a gold digger and had a serious addiction. Anyways. I remember a conversation with Cupid a few months back. He mentioned she can’t be trusted. I think he was hittin’ that but who am I to gossip…

Larry the Lep: HEY! She was holding that for a friend, she doesn’t do glitter dust….anymore.. But anyway it doesn’t matter where she works, she is just putting herself through college for her Cupcake Decorating degree, she is going to make something of herself! As for Cupid, he only WISHES he could tap that! Mercedes has standards you know.

Lanai: I see.  That's what the unicorn said…. She is still workin the pole.  Fine, maybe we are talking about different fairies… So anyways, Larry… Can I call you that? It’s St. Patrick’s day and I wanted to educate our readers on how you came about being the holiday mascot.

The Unicorn: Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.

Larry the Lep: St Patty this St Patty that! F him and F all that. Can’t you see we are in a crisis here lassy! I’m missing me pot of gold! You promise to help me find me pot of gold, I will give your readers the education of our holiday you want. 

Lanai: OK fine stop being hostile geez. I will help you find your pot of gold.  I’m not even sure where to start but Cupid and the Easter Bunny seem suspish. If the rumors are true, Cupid would know what Mercedes’s bedroom looks like...but the way I saw you get dropped by the Easter Bunny, maybe he has your gold. Rumor around the grid is, he is 1,000,000L behind on his child support. You know how rabbits have kids...

Spirit of Joan Rivers: MMhmmm

Earl the Easter Bunny: Umm I’m sitting right here.

Bernie: Rude.

Uncle Sam: *whispers to Santa* This is getting good.

Larry the Lep: Don’t be a gowl, the damn bunny got a lucky shot when I was trying to buckle my boots. As for Cupid, knowing Mercedes' room, he wishes, maybe only the pics that I shared umm I mean the description of how nice the room is, that is the only way he would know. But both of them are sex-crazed they wouldn’t be after me pot, Well yes, maybe the bunny cause he hits them and leaves them with many kids but I am thinking it is the Tooth Fairy, to be honest, he was always a little jealous of Mercedes and me since she dumped him for a real Leppy. 

Earl the Easter Bunny: Don’t catch another slap Larry.

Lanai: *stares at the Easter Bunny*  You have a good point there Larry. The tooth fairy does seem like a shady individual. What grown-ass man named Tammy wears a pink tutu and wings? Sounds like a creep to me.  He couldn't be here today because I heard he’s locked up for unpaid parking tickets.

Larry the Lep: Creepy you are right, I mean this man goes into children’s rooms in the middle of the night to steal TEETH! I mean come on, and how does he pay for those teeth? Maybe with fencing stolen GOLD huh??!?!

Lanai: Let me investigate. *pulls out her black book* We might have a story here.

After multiple attempts to contact Cupid, he could not be reached.

Earl the Easter Bunny:  “Larry is a raging alcoholic who is very forgetful. I bet he spent all his gold at the Blarney Stone Pub. We all know how they like to protect their own no matter who they step on. I was defending myself at the meeting because he was accusing me and everyone else. Maybe you should ask Uncle Sam.”

Uncle Sam: Oh noooo see that sign over there? It says No Drama Zone!  Don’t even include me in this mess I have a whole economy and a pandemic of my own to worry about. I don’t know him, Mercedes, or anyone else this little fool hangs out with so remove me from your suspect list. I come to Avatar Anonymous meetings to help with my public speaking skills. Maybe you should ask Santa, he seems to know who's been naughty or nice.

Santa: Uncle Sam is always trying to throw someone under the sleigh… According to my records, Sam was inciting a riot at The Linden Labs Headquarters on that day and all of the accused have alibis that check out except for one. Cupid was at a chest wax appointment during the hours in question. The Easter Bunny was in court with all his baby mommas and Mercedes was actually giving a lap dance to Orion Baral from your newspaper on that day and they went back to her place.

Lanai: Oh really now? So are you saying maybe SLE is somehow involved? This just got really interesting… Soooo Orion what do you know about the missing gold?

Orion Baral: First off, it wasn’t filmed pictured, or sketch drawn, I didn’t do it. You know me better than this, I wouldn't go to a low strip club. I am very loyal and wouldn’t hurt SLE’s reputation being seen there. As for this Mercedes girl, I met her once at a Business Seminar only, I didn’t go anywhere with her, I said hi and politely complimented she had nice wings, that was all.

Lanai: Hmmm. I do recall you going on a recent shopping spree a couple of days ago… OK Meeting is over!

Well, folks there you have it, we are just reporters, we are not detectives. We ask you the good people of SL to help us find who stole Larry’s pot of gold.  Please leave your comments below and help us find the culprit! We rely on you, the people. 

TO BE CONTINUED….

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