BREAKING NEWS! Lanai Jarrico Taken Down by Christmas Tree

 

12/23/2020- SLE Police Report

In a tragic turn of events at The SL Enquirer Media Center on December 23rd the beloved by some and hated by others, CEO of The SL Enquirer, Lanai Jarrico was unexpectedly laid out cold by an overly decorated Christmas Tree.  It happened early Tuesday morning as Jarrico attempted to hang one last ornament. Only time will tell how much damage was done to the tree.

According to witnesses near the scene, Miss Jarrico had a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hand. She appeared to be drunk while singing "Deck the Halls with Santa's Baaaaaa**s".  When the tree came crashing down.

Sources at SL General Hospital say, pine needle removal is underway and Lanai is expected to make a full recovery. No further comments were issued about her blood alcohol levels and drug test. However, one insider commented about a strong smell of marijuana as paramedics rushed her into the ER.

The Second Life Community can take a sigh of relief that Jarrico will survive this horrendous incident.

If you have an additional information about this incident , please use the comments below!

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Interview with The Easter Bunny -Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

Spring is finally here as the weather starts to warm up and colorful flowers are blooming.  It is the season for renewal and celebrating Easter and spring break!  In Second Life residents are preparing for the change in seasons by picking up the snow and rezzing, fresh grass, flowers and greenery.  To celebrate spring, many shops are having sales, venues are doing hunts and more people are hanging out and hooking up.  Spring seems to have that effect.

During Easter break, SLE set out in search for the Easter Bunny to find out what his plans are.  He’s not an easy mascot to catch up with but a few tricks up the CEO’s sleeve helped lure him in for an interview. She just didn’t plan on such a dramatic display.

Lanai: Hey You! I have been trying to track you down for days now. Sorry about the intrusion but I figure this place would attract you. Got some time to talk?

The Easter Bunny: If it isn’t Ms. Jarrico…. WTF! *tries to cover up his carrot* I thought this was a private spa!

Lanai:  Language! Before you get upset, let me explain… I have been all over the grid asking for you and no one seems to know where you’ve been.  A Leprechaun named Larry, who was on his way to the Bahamas for Spring break, told me you were into facials, massages and happy endings, whatever that means…. so I figured if I visit some spas I might find you and sure enough you were here!

The Easter Bunny: So this was a trap? Was that all he said to you? *suspicious tone*

Lanai: Pretty much.  However, he did tell me you weren’t a very good tipper after private sessions. *looks at him suspicious*

The Easter Bunny: Oh never mind him… He’s loaded with his pot of gold so he shouldn’t complain about that.

Lanai: If you say so. Now you have me curious. What exactly is a happy ending? That leprechaun seemed a bit jilted when he mentioned it.

The Easter Bunny:  Well… Um. Wait a minute… Is this some kind of interrogation? I’ll just say happy endings are legal on most adult sims in SL so I’m in no violation nor obligated to share that information with you!

Lanai: Geez! Calm down, you act like I just caught you in some kind of controversy!

The Easter Bunny: All I wanted was to relax… Now if you don’t mind…scram.

Lanai: Hey now relax and pull the carrot out you’re a$$.  I just wanted to ask what your plans were for Easter break and surprise you with your friend.

Larry the Leprechaun: Hey handsome. Remember me?

The Easter Bunny: You have got to be kidding me!!! What’s HE doing here? Ya know, if this wasn’t a “free” spa I’d want my money back!

Larry the Leprechaun: Don’t act surprised to see me after all we have been through.

The Easter Bunny: Lanai! You set me up! I am writing a letter to Santa and you are going to be sorry for this!

Lanai:  Wait what? Larry, told me you would be delighted to see him…

The Easter Bunny:  Like hell I am! Get him out of here. I have reason to believe he gave me a “Chicago Sunroof” and ruined all the Easter baskets I had worked so hard on. I couldn’t make any deliveries for Easter. Larry ruined it for everyone!

Lanai: a what?

Larry the Leprechaun: *innocent grin*

The Easter Bunny: look it up on urbandictionary.com

Lanai: *looks it up* OH FFS! That’s disgusting!

Larry the Leprechaun: I’m sorry, I was mad. You are lucky you didn’t get an “Alabama Hayride” I’m tired of you keeping us a secret. I thought I was your lucky charm but you know what!?! You can kiss my blarney stone and the next time you want a happy ending you better ask someone else. I’m done with you! You don’t even make a good Easter Bunny, you look like the Trix Cereal Mascot on crack. You silly rabbit!

Lanai: *looks that up*  wow….

Larry the Leprechaun: That’s right I said it!

The Easter Bunny:.*burst out in tears feeling all defeated*

Lanai: Why do I suddenly feel like I’m in a bad lifetime movie?

Larry the leprechaun: Ms Jarrico. He and I have been dating for some time now and never once has he showed this much emotion. So thank you, I’ll take him home now.

Lanai: For a happy ending?

Larry the Leprechaun: That and an “Easter Cream Egg”

Lanai: *looks that up*  OMG you are sick! This interview is over!

Happy Spring SLE Fans!

References

Chicago Sunroof

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Chicago+sunroof

Alabama Hayride

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Alabama+Hayride

Easter Cream Egg

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Easter+Cream+Egg

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BREAKING NEWS! IT’S HALLOWEEN! Tights is the trending new costume for men in Second Life… Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

Is that Peter Pan…. a pirate?…. perhaps a drag queen?…. No wait! It’s just a man in tights!

Have no fear Second Life residents, male ballerinas are not swan dancing across the grid to demasculinize an entire community this Halloween.  So,  let’s not jump to any conclusions.  Most  tight pants wearing men are happily married or involved with the opposite sex. Today is no different.

They fear not a feminine twist to their ensembles because they give zero fux what others think of them, especially on Halloween. But they ought to worry about the severe chafing, heat rashes, in particular in the grundle area, and other  SL health problems associated with fabrics that are to tight or abrasive.

 This is news worth reporting in a dying virtual community of minimalists who waddle the grid in search of freebies, sugar daddies, drama or meaningless sloppy sex in an unmeshed body.  This year, they are getting rid of the superhero capes and going to the extreme.

The whole  idea of tights is a way for men to show off their junk without really whipping it out and getting banned from the more uptight venues on the grid. Whatever the reason for the sudden Halloween trend, men across the grid are practicing tighism with pride and partying like nobody’s business.

The SL Enquirer was on the scene at one Halloween party when one mesh avie split his spray painted on jeggins whilst attempting a black flip split at the “Rock that Bod” Dance off Spectacular. He won the grand prize of 50 lindens and a gift certificate to a local clothing store.

 Another man complained of circulation issues surrounding his twig and berries while doing the electric slide while  another brave man did the running man to display his extra flexible pleather physics addition.

One party goer who wished to remain anonymous suggested it was a form of  effective male birth control before getting backhanded by his visibly pregnant girlfriend.

Another comment came from the restroom area. The voice sounded very similar to Mickey Mouse struggling to pulls his tights back up from a potty break.

At the exit a man was seen being escorted out of the club by three bouncers because he displayed a grotesquely lopsided cameltoe.

Rumor has it he was concealing a rubber chicken in his pants and threatening to cock slap the bartender.

The night quickly came to an end when a fist fight broke out between three females dressed like washed up Pussycat dolls who had a disagreement about the assortment of patterns being displayed by the men in tights.

Things are really heating up for Halloween and getting out of control.

Keep a close watch and you will see just how extremely sexy or obscenely horrific the men in tights look at your Halloween part as they strut on by in all their glory.

Be sure to drop to your knees and praise them either way. Let them know the SL Enquirer fully supports the movement or lack thereof. We know it is an acquired taste but we believe in short time, they will hang up the tights for business suits and redeem themselves of the “WTF was I thinking” moment they had in Second Life for Halloween.

This article is ridiculous and for shameless entertainment purposes only.  

HAPPY HALLOWEEN SLE FANS! 

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Halloween Interview Gone Wrong: Frankenstein’s Monster- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...

It’s that time of year when all the freaks come out. What better time than now to find me a Halloween mascot to interview? I grabbed my microphone and pounded the virtual pavement on my quest. From the start, I didn’t want to do the cliche interview with a vampire because that’s too easy. They are all over the grid.  Aside from that, they get freaked out by camera flashes and always seem to focus on my neck a little too much. This year I decided to interview with none other than Frankenstein’s monster. Unlike Vampires, Frankenstein’s monster is a harmless sentient creature who was create by an unorthodox scientist. He might be grotesque, but it doesn’t intimidate me.

Lanai: Hi Frankenstein’s monster! it is a pleasure to meet you. How will you be spending your Halloween this year?

Frankenstein’s monster: UUUUUUUhhh ahhh oooo ahhhhhhhhhhh arrrrrg! *blows raspberries*

Lanai: OK this is NOT going to work out….. *throws her notecard in the air and walks off*

Frankenstein’s Monster: NO Wait! Sorry just having a bad day.  To answer your question, everyday is like Halloween to me. Nothing special about it. I’m just out here looking for something….

Lanai: OH, you really can speak! Interesting. What are you looking for?

Frankenstein’s Monster: I’m almost embarrassed to say.  Recently I had a one night stand with Marilyn Munster and while she was….ummmm licking the Xcite lollipop, the stitches came loose and when I turned on the lights she ran off with it and threw it somewhere around here. To make a long story short, no pun intended..

*looks around*

Lanai: Ohhhhhh, I’m so sorry to hear that.  I guess they don’t make Xcite products like they used to… What are you going to use for now if you can’t find it?

Frankenstein’s Monster: *snatches Lanai’s microphone as she runs off screaming*

TO BE CONTINUED ON HALLOWEEN…..

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