Domestic violence is a huge topic in society and also disturbing and
controversial in Second Life.
Domestic violence can be explicit
or veiled in Second Life. It can occur against women or men, joined by
partnership, including a number of cases, such as verbal and psychological
violence against each other.
Psychological violence can be
practiced in Second Life. It involves verbal abuse, psychological abuse,
threats and aggressive tones. Aggression doesn’t always involve a physical
attack to be considered domestic violence. When one partner in a relationship
tries to control and dominate the other, that is domestic violence. There are
many types of DV. Here are some examples that happen in Second Life:
• Emotional Aggression: swearing, depreciating your partner, emotional
blackmail; and humiliate of a partner.
• Virtual Sexual assault: consider the partner as a virtual sex object;
force the partner to have virtual sex or require the partner to have sexual
attitudes towards others.
• Insist on being in control: Treating your partner as a slave without
their consent.
• Isolation: forbidding a partner to see people; controlling their
company and conversation; wanting to track their location at all times.
The aggressor, for example, may require the control of the social life
of the victim, preventing him or her from attending clubs or making new
friends. The sense of ownership of one partner over the other, as well as
impunity are factors that generalize control and domestic violence.
Whyare some people willing to subject him or herself to domestic
violence in Second Life?
I'm not talking about of the world Gor, BDSM, Masters & lovers, etc.
Generally, people who live in these
worlds, establish consensual rules. My focus is on ordinary people and their
everyday experiences in Second Life. Many people say SL is all consensual but
these behaviors exist.
In addition, there are the options of muting, AR'ing, TP'ing away,
removal of collars, ending the partnership, removing the avatar from your list
of friends, etc. However, domestic violence may still exist and the victim will
only take any action after he has suffered the abuse.
There are also those who, for emotional issues, may feel intimidated and
unable to use the tools available to prevent violence from happening again.
The victim of domestic violence generally have low self-esteem and are
tied in dealing with aggressors, either by emotional dependence or even
material. The abuser often accuse the victim of being responsible for the
assault and the victim ends up suffering a great guilt and shame.
The victim also feels violated and betrayed, as the abuser promises that
will never repeat this kind of behavior but, in general, the behavior is
repeated.
In some situations, domestic violence persists chronically because one
partner has an attitude of acceptance and inability to turn off that setting.
To understand this behavior, persistently linked to the environment of domestic
violence, we could compare it with the attitude described as codependency,
found in the homes of alcoholics and
drug addicts.
The psychological or emotional aggression suffered in Second Life, can
be more harmful than the physical one, and is characterized by rejection,
depreciation, discrimination, humiliation and disrespect.
This aggression does not leave
physical marks but can cause emotional scars for life affecting even the real
life.
How to get
out of domestic violence in SL?
The first step is to break the cycle of violence and overcome the
emotional barriers:
• Seek help from someone you trust, a friend, or friends and say that
you are suffering with it, tell your story.
While it may be difficult to talk
about violence and abuse, in a virtual environment, you instantly feel relief
and can get emotional support and guidance of your friends;
• I do not feel safe in stating support groups in SL. You never know the
Freud pretender who will be playing the other side. What I can say, especially
if you are having trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy is: seek outside
help in RL. Find a support group or counselor.
Help in RL should positively influence how a person perceives their
situation in SL and, hopefully, provide the necessary assistance to the person
to get out of the vicious circle of domestic violence.
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