What is St. Patrick's Day and why do we celebrate it today?

What is St. Patrick’s Day all about? And why do we celebrate it today?

To the many who seriously observe St. Patrick’s Day, it is a holy day that signifies the passing of St. Patrick on March 17^th, AD 461.  St. Patrick was the patron saint and national apostle of Ireland who is credited for bringing Christianity to Ireland.

If you are still wondering  who  St. Patrick was, Well… he was mostly known for his signature roll of  delivering a sermon on a hilltop that drove all the snakes out of Ireland.  He had to be metaphorically speaking because snakes weren’t even native to that region of the world.  I’m guessing what he meant was, his focus was to convert the Pagans into Christianity, so in a sense, calling Celtic druids; serpents and trying to convert or cast them out.

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March Madness Seeps Into SL

There are no college athletics I am aware of on SL, but you can still show some school spirit by dressing as a cheerleader for your school.

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In Today's Weather....Sunny with a side of WTF?

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Tired of Crappy Customer Service, freebies and overkill product bombardment or people with big egos and attitude problems trying to stake claim to having the best establishment in SL? Let the SL Enquirer help you make the distinction between Quality and Excellence of Service and Bad Business tactics. - Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

I’ve spent a lot of time exploring Second life not just as a reporter, strip club enthusiast and shameless concert groupie but also as a customer.  I’ve purchased clothes, shoes, hair, Ao’s, dances, jewelry and many other accessories, toys, gizmos, gadgets  and whatnot throughout the years and for the most part, I’m greeted by someone or something  and loaded up with note cards at every place I go.  It is to be expected of most establishments here, otherwise how would the word get out to others without using media and news outlets, such as the SL Enquirer, BOSL, Imagine Magazine, Second Nights and others.

Business in Second Life is not like a real world business. Anyone can purchase or rent a land to build a store and plop a business on it. In the real world plenty of capital is needed, a physical location and a serious team of hard workers need to be implemented.   Even without the major capital, many SL businesses struggle with the lack of other required efforts.

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Japan Disaster Relief On SL

GOHA players, fans and cheerleaders observe a moment of silence for Japan's disaster victims.

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Hockey Time!

GOHA is back!

Season 12 of the Global Online Hockey Association has kicked off. Come on down and see virtual hockey at her finest.

GOHA is always looking for new players, and virtual hockey is both a) easy to pick up and b) fun to play. The league is very active, and the people are all very much into it. The Puckettes are also looking for more cheerleaders. Contact Kayden Piers.

Know that the Puckettes will be out in full force, handling all of the cheerleading responsibilities. I'm the cute, small brunette one who yells a lot. I also have a new shape that has substantially larger breasts!

For more information go down and watch the games yourself. The schedule is on their website, which has the schedule.

Get Pucked!

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SL ARTS & LITERATURE: World Storytelling Day Celebrated in Second Life

In the corporeal world, Sunday, March 20^th is World Storytelling Day.  This celebration will be celebrated in the virtual world with StoryFest 2011 on Saturday, March 19th and Sunday, March 20^th in Bran.  Storytellers whose keyboards are in Australia, Holland, Wales, Great Britain, Norway, The Continental U.S., Canada, and the Hawaiian Islands will present more than two dozen stories in less than 48 hours in five different venues on the Branwen Arts parcel “Here Be Pictsies” in the region of Bran.

For an expanded schedule and information on the amazing range of stories to be presented, visit http://storyfestsl2011.blogspot.com

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MOVING Art Experience ~ In the Sweet Bye & Bye

Since I've been in Second Life, I have visited many art exhibits, but none of them moved me as much as the In The Sweet Bye & Bye, An Immersive Memoir exhibit I took in as part of the African-American Experience in Art series with i-Learning Workshops through The Aesthetic Technologies Lab, College of Fine Arts, Ohio University. I took in the exhibit this weekend, and it was, to borrow a word from the series title, an experience for me to walk into the space of the art installation and be taken back into time, into histories of my own existence and make me remember while working through the histories of the artist behind the project, Jacque Quijote (aka Philip Mallory Jones :: website).

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Did you change your clocks forward today?

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As our earth quakes ...

Our real world is "all shook up" right now and 2011 has got off to seismic disasters much like 2010 did when on January 12, 2010 an earthquake of magnitude 7.0 occurred 10 miles off the coast from Port-Au-Prince, Haiti, killing more than 200,000 people.

The World went into top gear and pulled out all the stops to try and help the Haitians get back on their feet.

Then in early September 201 an Earthquake struck New Zealand, located bbout 30 km From Christchurch and a State of Emergency was Delcared. The United States Geological Survey recorded the earthquake at a 7.0 on the Richter Scale; it was originally recorded to be a 7.2, but hwas subsequently downgraded. This is one of the biggest earthquakes in New Zealands recorded history. An aftershock that measured 5.7 followed about 20 minutes after the first quake. Much was destroyed and the New Zealanders had to set about rebuilding Christchurch and its surrounds.

Low and behold another strong earthquake shook New Zealand in February 2011. The 6.3-magnitude quake, per the USGS, shook New Zealand's South Island and its largest city of Christchurch again, sending New Zealanders reeling. Once again having to pick up the pieces.

And now Japan has been struck one of the biggest disasters of it’s history – an 8.9 earthquake that has sent tsunami waves through the Pacific. It is reported that there are as many as 1000 dead and a reported 88,000 missing. Hours later officials declared an official nuclear emergency when its nuclear plant’s cooling system failed which can result in a possible radiation leak.

And so it is in times like these people often ask how they can help.

Here are some organizations accepting donations for Japan’s Earthquake Relief:

American Red Cross - Donate $10 to support Red Cross Earthquake Relief by texting REDCROSS to 90999 or visiting their website.

Convoy of Hope – Text TSUNAMI to 50555 to donate $10 to Convoy or visit the Convoy website to donate.

Save the Children – The site is currently accepting donations to their Japan Earthquake Tsunami Children in Emergency Fund.

World Vision – Has a Disaster Response Fund where they’ve already added the Japanese earthquake and tsunami aid to in order to help children in various projects.

Shelterbox – Provides emergency-shelter-in-a-box to areas hit by earthquakes and tsunamis. You can donate money toward the cost of a box ($1000 covers the cost of one box) on their website. It is a UK based company with international links as well.

If we missed an organization please don’t hesitate to let us know.

Our thoughts and prayers are with all our Japanese and New Zealand friends in Second Life at this time of extreme disaster.

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Japan Earthquake/Tsunami

Just in case you were on SL tonight and this is the first news you've seen.... Japan had a huge earthquake, and the entire Pacific coast has a Tsunami Alert. Get to higher ground, and check the news... in that order.

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Stuff To Keep Your Avatar Busy This Weekend

We got you covered if you're looking for stuff to keep you busy this weekend.

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THIS JUST IN! CHARLIE SHEEN'S WINNING RECIPE! Why post this? Cause Dahhhhhhhhhhhh he's winning!

Charlie Sheen's Winning Recipes from Charlie Sheen

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Relay for Life of Second Life Kicks Off March 12

RFL of SL kicks off on March 12!

Relay For Life of Second Life (RFL of SL) is all set to KICK OFF on March 12!

For the past few weeks, the Teams Chairs Panza Eilde and PrettyKitty Gumbo have been working with a team of mentors and liaisons to recruit, register and train the team captains and help them to start planning events ... over 80 teams have registered to date, and now they’re ready to KICK OFF!

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Virtual Hajj

With all the frightening stuff going on the Middle East these days, one can look at the news and forget that those people are kind of cool, too.

One of the Five Pillars of Islam involves making a Hajj to the holy city of Mecca. Thanks to an amazing new sim at OnIslam, you can actually make the hajj yourself.

It is very meticulously designed, and they seem to have made an effort to cover all the bases. You are immediately struck by how beautiful the place is. It is also very busy, and there is lots to do... even immediately upon arrival.

Not only does Mecca look authentic, but they have the little things down. There is a tour bus where you land. They have water set up for thirsty travellers (Mecca is in a harsh part of Saudi Arabia). They really made great efforts here, and it shows.

They have plenty of information about the sim and about Islam in general. You can get a virtual Koran, or read the 10 foot one they have on the premises. I actually got a good picture of it, but I used me instead. How often will you see me in an Abaya?

An Abaya is the clothing you wear when making the Pilgrim trip. It actually looks very Plymouth Pilgrim-like. I met some of the people who help out at the sim, and they hooked me up with the Abaya shown in the photo.

By the way... in case you feel you are going to show up there and have someone burn your flag or call you an infidel dog... it han't happened to me yet. Everyone has been nice and helpful, eager to provide information.

Note... while I am not fit to make blanket statements on behalf of Allah or anything like that, I would say that a virtual Hajj to a virtual Mecca doesn't actually count as one of the Five Pillars Of Islam. You still have to go IRL. This is more of an educational experience, and it is a fine one.

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SL ARTS & LITERATURE: Review - Dramatiques Troupe Tours “Narnia” Production

Preparation is everything.  Especially when performing in Second Life.  Because performing in SL can be just as nerve-wracking as performing in the corporeal world.  Timing is still everything, as is paying attention to your audience – an audience who may not even be in your same time zone!  It is easy to look at something like a virtual dance performance and say that it is just so much hopping on poseballs. Yes, technically it is.  But hopping on the correct poseball, at the correct moment, and hopefully wearing the correct thing.  In this the technology of the grid does not always aid your efforts.  In all respects, preparation, design, and execution, the current Narnia tour of Dramatiques Performance Troupe shows pride in, and attention to these details.

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SL ARTS & LITERATURE: Ireland's Pirate Queen Comes to Second Life

Imagination Island's Seanchai Library is celebrating March by paying tribute to a remarkable Irish woman with Grace O’Malley, the Irish Pirate Queen presented Friday, March 11^th at 7pm at the Seanchai Library (Imagination Island); Sunday, March 13^th at Noon at the Mango Yacht Club (Fruit Islands) and as part of the Opening Ceremonies at StoryFest 2011 celebrating World Storytelling Day – that presentation will take place at 1pm SLT on Saturday, March 19^th at the Grand Story Circle in the Branwen Arts Center (Bran).

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Lingerie, Anyone? EDS Launch Party

On Friday, March 4, I was invited to the EDS Launch Party for their new line of lingerie, and being a person who hardly ever says no to a party invite, I went shopping for a sexy piece of lingerie and headed out to the party--making sure I had enough funds to buy me a few saucy pieces while there.

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No Football On TV? Try The SFL

Stacey Knows What's Up!

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"GOLDFINGER" a James Bond Theme Event

GOLDFINGER

Black Soul Rhythms Radio longtime radio personality DJ MILES11HOUR will kick off a week long schedule of homecoming events on SugarHill sim with a 2 hour James Bond Theme Event called "GOLDFINGER" at the SugarHill Outdoor Stage.






Be creative & dress as your favorite character from any James Bond movie BEST MOVIE CHARACTER CONTEST L$1000. Correct answers to Movie Trivia Questions could win you L$$$$

FEMALE CHARACTERS: Honey Ryder, Pussy Galore, Holly Goodhead, Octopussy, MayDay, Jinx, Thumper, etc.
http://www.bondmovies.com/girls.shtml

MALE CHARACTERS: James Bond, Dr. No, Auric Goldfinger, Dr. Kananga (aka Mr. Big), Oddjob, Tee Hee, Whisper, Nick Nack, Jaws, etc.
http://www.bondmovies.com/henchmen.shtml
http://www.bondmovies.com/villains.shtml

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Holiday In Chernobyl

Florida? Paris? Las Vegas? F*ck them! Why not spend some vacation time fighting to possess a ruined nuclear reactor in the Ukraine?

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Exclusive Interview with RL Chris Jasper

SL Resident Bobbie Naidoo, owner of F.Y.E. (For Your Entertainment) held an exclusive interview with the legendary Chris Jasper of the Isley Brothers. The interview will be aired on March 1st @ 6:00PM slt (9:00PM ET) in Second Life on the SugarHill sim. We will also be listening to tunes from Chris Jasper's new CD "Everything I Do" & old tunes from his days with the Isley Brothers in the 1970s & 1980s. Come join us!

Location: http://slurl.com/secondlife/sugarhill/85/153/27

Invitation: http://facebook.dj/blacksoulrhythmsradio/

Blog: http://blacksoulrhythms.ning.com/profiles/blogs/chris-jasper-of-gold-city

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SL ARTS & LITERATURE: Another One Bites the Dust

While preparing  another feature, this notice came across my virtual desk from Jilly Kidd of Written Word announcing the closure of the London School of Journalism (LSJ) operations in Second Life :

“We're sorry to say the LSJ is leaving Second Life in mid-March. Do pop over to enjoy this lovely island in the final weeks and to enjoy what the LSJ has been doing here.

“We're grateful for the space the LSJ has provided for writers and for writing events . . .  The LSJ teaches writing in a variety of forms as well as journalism and has a great free contest on the website every month, so stay in touch.”

While no specific information is available, it is not hard to connect this closure with the recent change in the pricing structure that eliminates tier discounts for Education and Non-Profit land owners on the Second Life grid.

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ArtFest for Flood Relief

ArtFest is a charity art competition to raise funds towards helping the recent flood victims in Australia, Brazil and Sri Lanka. Lives, homes and precious farmlands have been lost in every place, it will take many years to fully recover.

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Need Some Fun in Your Life? Check Out Pando!

I'm always looking for something fun to do--not only for myself but also for my daughters and granddaughter and the myriads of friends who might stop by, bored, needing something to do.

Saturday afternoon, I had my mind set to go to this one particular place on the grid and ended up on Pando instead--and needless to say, I'm glad for that. There is SO much to do...and it was MORE than fun.

Let the fun begin

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Things Virtual People Like

Sometimes, I wander around SL, ask the same random question of people, and then speak for every avatar in the game. I have the authority to do so, as I am the Sports And Leisure Editor and because I also have a picture of myself in front of the White House press conference thingy.

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1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington S.L.

Just a quick note to let you know that February 21st is President's Day!

Stop by the White House and wish the President a happy birthday, or whatever.

SL does have a White House, and whoever put it together put a lot of effort into it. Walk around the grounds, visit the Washington Monument, and do all that other DC stuff. Try to not make any sudden moves near the Secret Service.

Stacey knows George Washington from her time in Virginia.

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TRAVEL & INSIDE SL - Churches in SL - Shon Charisma Reporting

Fort Augustus Abbey on Loch NessLink to Real-Life Abbey

I like to visit places. It's a big part of what I do in Second Life. Can't get to Paris in real life? Check it out in SL until you get there for real. Want to see the Statue of Liberty? Then take a TP to New York in SL, and in a matter of seconds you'll not only see the Statue of Liberty, but you'll also see the 911 Memorial. When I'm in the mood to have some peace and quiet, to think and not be disturbed, I often find myself searching beautifully crafted churches in SL for solace--and there are many of them--some where services are held and some where just for the beauty of the real life version, they are created in Second Life.

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"Fashion Forward"

COSTA RICA SIMS PRODUCTIONS
Presents

COSTA RICA SIMS PRODUCTIONS
Presents
Indyra Originals
"Fashion Forward"

When: Saturday, February 19th @ 3pm SLT
Where: Costa Rica Sims Fashion Villa

SLurl: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Old%20Costa%20Rica/109/84/2503

This Saturday, February 19th @ 3pm SLT, Costa Rica Sims Productions (CRSP) presents the designs of the incomparable Indyra Seigo.

Join us at the fabulous Costa Rica Sims Fashion Villa. Invite a friend, sip a glass of wine, and enjoy the refreshing breeze blowing off the ocean as the CRSP Models showcase the "Fashion Forward" Indyra Originals collection.

Featuring the following CRSP Models: Skylei Caproni, Corinne Collins, Rhonda Pennell and Veronica Krasner.

Join us after the fashion show for an after party featuring DJ Pink
Costa Rica Sims Productions was established in August 2009, and continues to grow each month as it produces high-quality fashion showcases from the best Second Life® designers located within the Costa Rica Sims Commercial District.

For more information please contact:
Nisa Constantine, Director - Costa Rica Sims Productions
nisa@costaricasims.com

Costa Rica Estate Website: : http://www.costaricasims.com

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"Dare to Bare"

===================================
COSTA RICA SIMS
Presents
A Costa Rica Sims Productions Designer Showcase featuring
===================================

Designing Nicky Ree
"Dare to Bare"
====================================
When: Friday, February 18th @ 3pm SLT
Where: Costa Rica Sims Colonial Shopping District
SLurl: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Old%20Costa%20Rica/97/86/2001
====================================
This Friday, February 18th @ 3pm SLT, Costa Rica Sims Productions (CRSP) presents the designs of Nicky Ree.

Slip into something sexy and leave your inhibitions at the door. Pull the curtain aside, step into our boudoir, and allow the CRSP Models to tantalize you as they "Dare to Bare" in the lingerie designs of Nicky Ree.

Featuring the following CRSP Models: Aely Witte, Skylei Caproni, Reign Congrejo, and Sydney Bonde

Join us in the Influential’s Lounge after the fashion show for an after party featuring
DJ StarbyMoonlight
=====================================
Costa Rica Sims Productions was established in August 2009, and continues to grow each month as it produces high-quality fashion showcases from the best Second Life® designers located within the Costa Rica Sims Commercial District.

For more information please contact:
Nisa Constantine, Director - Costa Rica Sims Productions
nisa@costaricasims.com

Costa Rica Estate Website: : http://www.costaricasims.com

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Happy 3rd Anniversary Club Lions!!

Saturday, March 5, 2011, marks the 3rd anniversary of Club Lion. Huanita Wunderlich and the Club Lions team have some amazing things lined up for you.


http://slurl.com/secondlife/Egret%20Key/98/124/24

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Be A Puckette!

If you're interested in being a Puckette (the Puckettes are the Global Online Hockey Association cheerleaders), copy/paste/answer this stuff below and send it in a notecard to Kayden Piers.

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Barbie vs Malibu Stacey

Not a lot of people know that, in addition to my duties here at the SL Enquirer, I also am a well-known figure in the world of professional wrestling on SL.

I'm not actually that good... I'm the smallest white adult out of the 1000 girl wrestlers at Divas, and I win about 10% of my matches. This 10% goes up to 15-20% if I fight solely teens and Asians.

One way I supplement my income is by doing model work for wrestling magazines. It's not technically porn, although I do get stripped a lot. Like I said, I'm not really that tough.

For February's issue of Battling Girls, they had me fight Barbie. I'm not sure if it was a Barbie vs Malibu Stacey doll fight. I'm pretty sure that Malibu Stacey isn't 5 feet tall and French. Either way, this Barbie was my size, so I may actually win one.

Pick up a copy of Battling Girls (which also has a gang of other fights, including what I believe is the last fight of the late Susan B. Breen) at these fine locations.

- Athena's Dream

- W.A.R.

- The Clash Club

- Treasure's

- Bad Girls

***That picture isn't from the magazine... it's from another one of my fights, against Manda Aries. Guess which one I am?

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TRAVEL & INSIDE SL - Virtual Medical Doctor, Part Two - Shon Charisma Reporting...

About three weeks ago, in an SLE article, I told you all about the virtual game VMD (Virtual Medical Doctor) created by MadPea Productions.



The last image I showed you had me at the door that would lead me into the hospital to begin my surgery.



Only this time, I donned my VMD gear.


Shon Charisma, VMD

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Passion’s in Fashion .... - Lacy Muircastle Reporting...

Now I know this is not news, but it is Valentines’ Day (just in case you had forgotten) ! Do you know what you are going to do with your makeup, your hair, what you are going to wear?

Some suggestions for you to ponder ....

So how about giving yourself a sweetheart manicure to complete your look with a Valentine manicure! Super low lag nails, HUD controlled with tons of nail polish options!

Guys this makes a great Valentine gift for your sweetheart!

Designed by Tigerlily Jyun

Sweep him off his feet wearing Valentine "Passion fire" this gorgeous dress is made with the finest silk, delicately embroidered on the top and the skirt, handmade, with silver linen and encrusted with tiny diamonds.

It comes with matching shoes and a heart shaped handbag which is decorated with ruby hearts surrounded by tiny diamonds.

Also included is a beautiful valentine jewellery set that includes a ring, earrings and a necklace, all made of gold, rubies and diamonds.

Available from Aphrodite shop by Marina Ramer

Bax Prestige Boots red suede by Bax Coen

Girls these boots are to die for and are made for more than just walking ! This revolutionary 4 in One sculpted Knee/Overknee Boot is beyond what you have known to be realistic. Fully Menu driven and customizable to fit your Shape and Outfits. Highly acclaimed by SL's Top fashion experts, these Boots are a must-have for your virtual wardrobe and will Make Your Legs Famous!

Finish off your date in this steaming hot, super sexy lingerie that will have that special someone to drooling. It consists of a see-through nighty with lace ruffle skirt and ruffle trim gloves.

Available from Carrie’s Lingerie by Carrie Bridger

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RFL NEWS: Relay For Life is back in Second Life!

For immediate release

It’s February! And Relay For Life® of Second Life® is back for some more fun and fundraising!

Teams’ registration for the seventh annual Relay For Life of Second Life opens on February 14 in preparation for fundraising from March to July, culminating in a 24-hour walk around a virtual track.

MamaP Beerbaum, the RFL of SL 2011 Event Chair, said: ‘We’re ready to go! The 2011 committee has been busy working behind the scenes and we have an amazing group of passionate volunteers who are going to make this the most fun and successful Relay For Life that Second Life has seen.’

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The revolution WILL be televised...or whatever you call SL

As-Salamu Alaykum!!!

If a revolution is happening somewhere, there must be equivalent hysteria in the SL version of that country, no?

Now, I'm the Sports Editor here, and usually don't cover events of great gravity and importance. For instance, the article I have lined up for Tuesday has me wrestling nude in it. However, I was the SL Reporter who was on when Mubarak stepped down in Egypt, so it fell to me to go to Virtual Cairo and sample the mood of the people.

Hey... most people in America learned of John Lennon's death from Howard Cosell, so eff you, hater!

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Love is in the air ...

LOVE IS IN THE AIR (John Paul Young)

Love is in the air
Everywhere I look around
Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound

Costa Rica Sims Presents “La Cantina” Hot Latin Nights
WHEN: Friday , February 11, 2011
WHERE: La Cantina at Costa Rica Sims
WHO: DJ ROSA
ATTIRE: Spicy Latin Chic wear
SPECIAL TIME : 4pm- 6pm slt

DJ ROSA is spicing it up LIVE from Brazil with her Latin sound at La Cantina. Get your dancing shoes ready for a little salsa, merengue.

Slurl: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Guanacaste/39/26/23

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes

Costa Rica Sims Presents :
A Costa Rica Sims Productions- Designer Showcase featuring
The Designer "Rebel Hope" Love Movement Fashion Show

WHEN: Sunday February 13, 2011
TIME: 11:00 am SLT
WHERE: Costa Rica Sims Productions Casa Moda Fashion Venue

MODELS
Brendan Macarthur
LesPaul Ibanez
Baila Palmira
Rusalka Callisto
Ellekirsten Gossipgirl

For those of you looking for that special little something. Well, the fabulous designs by Rebel Hope along with CRSP models will control the runway with some new fashions you do not want to miss. Join us after the show for the “Affair of the Heart" formal ball featuring live performances by Nadine Morani & Craig Lyons.

SLURL: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Alajuela/37/163/701

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Love is in the air
In the whisper of the trees
Love is in the air
In the thunder of the sea

Costa Rica Ladies' Society "Affair of the Heart" Valentine Ball

When: Sunday, February 13, 2011
Live Performances by Miss Nadine Morani & Mr Craig Lyons
Time: 1pm slt
Where: Costa Rica Sims Opera House
ATTIRE: Formal

Join for the “Affair of the Heart” Ball, an evening filled with incredible live music and fabulous people. This event is a celebration of the heart and joy those that have touched our lives bring.

SLurl: Slurl: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Alajuela/74/63/25

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

And I don't know if I'm just dreaming
Don't know if I feel sane
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when you call out my name

(Chorus)
Love is in the air
Love is in the air
Oh oh oh


Samantha Ohrberg
Event Manager of Costa Rica Sims Estate
Live & Play at Costa Rica Sims
www.costaricasims.com

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Valentine Town Stacey Cardalines Reporting...

Sports fans are pretty much right at the top (trailing only bachelors and Alzheimers people) of the list for People Most Likely To Forget Or F*ck Up Valentine's Day Somehow.

Part of this is my fault. The ratio of Sports: Romance in this column is hopelessly lopsided, which is amazing when you consider that the author is married and speaks a Romance language.

However, we have you covered today. I'm writing this early, because you want to strike early with Valentine's Day. We'll handle where to take her in a future article, but today we are focused on Where To Shop For Her Beforehand.

Start off at Valentine Town, a shopping mall with a Valentine's Day theme. A very cute Bubble Pit serves as the fountain for this mall. It is surrounded by a wagon-train of stores that cover flowers, necklaces, chocolate, lingerie, cheap stuff and even gag gifts.

Even a total moron spouse should be able to gather up some sex-worthy Valentine's Day goods in one stop here. This frees him or her up to watch more Sports, and it was good.

By the way... it's the 14th, dummy. You're welcome.

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