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18 Years and counting...Got SL News? Get it Published! Contact Lanai Jarrico at lanaijarrico@gmail.com
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 4, 2023

ITS' 2023! LANAI'S FRIENDS SHARE THEIR NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS!

 

With the holidays winding down and coming to an end, aside from the final wrap-up of the 12 days of Christmas ending on Jan 6th. Also known as 3 Kings Day AKA The Epiphany.   Oddly enough it parallels the intuitive grasp of virtual reality across the grid. Many SL residents are getting back into their routines of creating, concert hopping, shopping, dating, hooking up, and slaying Karens amongst the rest of the beautiful chaos only Second Life can cultivate. I set out to find some new years resolutions ideas from my friend list. I just have to say I am grateful for each and everyone that offered their friendship or accepted mine. They are my Tribe in SL and always respond. Including the Karen or two that wigged out and asked to be removed from my friend list. I got love for you too but I can't speak for others. 


The biggest message I took away from everyone’s responses is motivation, positivity, renewal, strength, courage, and self-care. Be kind to yourself and to others and let 2023 be a better year than the last.



“I'm planning on a New Year new me, starting mid-December, but working on changing all of me for the better from head to toe and inside and out!”- Varda


“My SL new year's resolution is to successfully organize my inventory, and keep it that way!”- Elowyn


“lol Elowyn would for me a neverending story” - Nita


“getting a goose avi for Ghostie to wear around Ninja” - Guardian


“lmfao Guardian you bastard” - Ninja


 “Staying positive and trying to stay in better health” - Delcinea


“Quitting Dr. Pepper and vaping are my resolutions for this year, Ms. Lanai! So I can get ready for next year's resolution of working on my body!” - Tabitha


“Continuing to report the news in SL, and get the novel I've been working on published”. -Bixyl


“trying to be a better version of myself” -Rocky


“taking more pictures is one of mine!” - Angi


“Getting my latest business venture successfully off the ground!”- Dresi


“Staying away from SL men!!” - Barbie


“working on my real goals and dreams, staying positive, and trying to stay in better health” - Delcinea


“Just to be able to lay my head down at night knowing I was true to me in both worlds, and not to beat me up about resolutions/goals/priorities. - Lady J


“Lanai I had the thought to lose 20 kg...but I know wouldn't happen anyway”- Nita


“I lose that just by logging into SL” -Lanai


“My resolution is not to forget to pay my advertisements at SLEnquirer”- Alpha


“you all are my tribe thanks again for being kind and accepting my random mass Imz. I only had one Karen screaming at me out of 159 tonight  xoxo” -Lanai


“My resolution is to smack that Karen” - Ninja


“BLEEP Karen.. she can kiss my BLEEP” - Alpha


“Oh oh, My resolution is to start to bang all these Karens!!!! hahahahahhah I need a list” - Onehempcat


 "I want to get a Karen to clean my garage" - Josh


“Random acts of loving Karens” - Dreamingen


“#KarensNeedLoveToo” - Ninja


“What a beautiful group of positive people you've found on your list Lanai! Lucky lady ♥- Elowyn


“It truly is a blessing to have you all as friends. You crack me up! I will let you all get back to your regularly scheduled programs now.  Happy New Year! *group hug* - Lanai



“I need to speak to the manager” - Karen

Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Happy Thanksgiving From the Sports and Leisure Desk at SLE- Stacey Cardalines Reporting...

 

Gobble Gobble!


Thanksgiving and Halloween are sorts of the co-anchors of the Autumn season. Autumn starts in September, but September and early October can still have some nice days, at least where I live (Massachusetts). Halloween and Thanksgiving fall (no pun intended) is a time of year when there is no doubt that Summer has left the building. I've bundled my children up in winter coats to send them trick or treating, and I've sat at a Thanksgiving football game where it was 12 degrees outside.


This cold dichotomy may lead some people to hate Autumn, but not this reporter. I love the change of seasons, I love the fall foliage and I love all the harvest stuff going on at local farms. One of the reasons that I haven't written here in a while is that I spent a lot of October and November driving around to look at trees changing color or roaming through pumpkin patches like Linus. There are other reasons, but they are sad ones, and this is supposed to be the Enquirer's funny column, so no need to drag that all up here.

I was looking to write about Thanksgiving and especially Plymouth. Plymouth is the birthplace of Thanksgiving (Jamestown had the real first Thanksgiving, but Virginians need to argue with their underperforming public relations staff, not me). I live deep enough in real-life Plymouth County that I can see the Mayflower II across the bay from my house. Seeking to capitalize on this unearned Dad-bought-a-house-here expertise, I hunt incessantly for Plymouth-related sims every November so that I can let the people know my wisdom.

Only once in my years working for this publication have I found Plymouth on SL, and- to be frank- it looked more like northern California... and I say that in the "Sacramento is not California" sense that Rush Street Reggie made famous. They had a Mayflower, a few colonial-looking cabins, and some turkeys running about. I was very pleased, and Lanai got a Thanksgiving article out of me that year. That sim is something else these days, and I could find no substitute for it any other year I looked.

This year also failed to net me a Plymouth, but that doesn't mean my deadline goes away, so I had to hunt me up some Autumn somewhere.

I found Autumn in spades at the Mieville Thanksgiving Street Fair. This is a very nice sim that is all set up for the Fall season. as you can see from the pictures, they have turkeys, fireplaces, fall foliage, November-blooming flowers... all that good stuff.  The sim is cleverly constructed so the visitor walks around a pastoral autumn scene, but as they do, they go by little sales kiosks where they can purchase seasonally-themed products.



It makes for a very nice walk and is a good setting for some cute pictures. I heartily recommend it. They have the autumnal theme running through the 25th, so hurry on down this long weekend. Much like real life, there isn't much time for you to see Fall things... it will be December before you and I speak again.

People take things in SL for granted. If you go to a sim where it is done up for Autumn, you should rightfully praise whoever set the sim up. You should also, however, appreciate the infrastructure which provides the things that you see at that sim. You have to find someone who sells Autumn trees, turkeys, horns-o-plenty, Mayflowers, and what have you. SL is funny like that- many people play SL just to have cyber sex, but there are people who log on to SL and spend the day making Pilgrim hats. Because of them and the sacrifices they made, the sim you get laid at has a nice, comforting Autumn look. A timeless Norman Rockwell background takes some of the shame out of av-fucking a stranger.

Because there are designers who make turkey tailfeathers and Pilgrim costumes, my sister Courtney and I have seasonally-themed outfits for our job as dancers. Being from Plymouth, I was a natural for the Naughty Pilgrim costume. Not being from Plymouth, my sister ended up having to be a turkey. I didn't think to include my costume, which is just black lingerie with a Priscilla Alden bonnet, in this article. There was no way in Hell I was going to forget to highlight my sister with goofy turkey feathers attached to her lower spine. 

I won the next season, too... I get to dance as Mrs. Claus, while Courtney will spend December wearing reindeer antlers with blinking Christmas tree lights on them. Much like her tailfeathers, she loves when people ask about her antlers, why she has to wear them, whether she lost a bet or not... go on down and say hello.

People should also not take Autumn for granted. Autumn gets a bad rap, basically because it is Summer's pallbearer. Never forget that Autumn stands between Summer and the ice/cold/snow of Winter. Winter's main holiday- Christmas- is all about snow and cold. There will be months where you'd be thrilled to see a forecast for the day as "highs in the 40s, lows in the 30s." People in western New York right now wish it was 48 degrees.

The key is to see the bright side. Go out even on SL- and see some trees changing color. Get an apple cider donut. Watch some farmer harvest something. Remember, in about a month, it will be too cold to go out. Go down to the Mieville Thanksgiving Street Fair and see some Autumn. Otherwise, once you go down the list some, you'll end up at Divas, watching a stripper journalist dressed as a Pilgrim... or her sister Courtney, dressed as a turkey.

The positive part of journalism is informing the public, sharing your adventures, helping someone who needs help, promoting good causes, blah blah blah... the negative but fun part of journalism is using your column to humiliate your sister, who might have to dance for all comers dressed as a turkey.






Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Comedy Relief: Slut Gear on Super sale in Second Life! Come get you some- Lanai Jarrico Reporting...




Since the beginning of Second Life, self-expression has been the #1 goal for many who embark on this virtual journey. Whether people like to express themselves artistically, musically, poetically, or verbally. It has all come down to one thing. Personality. Everyone has their own and it shows in the unique ways people communicate here while collecting friends who share common interests. 


Aside from personalities, a good visual helps enhance the persona they are trying to project. Well in some cases... 


Everyone in the virtual world regardless of a bubbly personality or a lackluster introvert, the appearance of an avatar speaks volumes, it either aligns with the person’s personality or often time leaves nothing else for the imagination. Either way, is there a right or wrong? Does decorum even matter in Second Life?


That brings me to the purpose of this article. I’m boggled by some of the choices peeps make when it comes to their avatar appearance. Perhaps I’m being a Karen or I’m just being vocal where others just shake their heads and banter back and forth in IM cracking jokes about the various choices of attire and whatnot while they “people watch” at venues.



 Just like in real life, In Second Life bodies come in all shapes and sizes just like mesh clothes. Finding something that works can be a challenge but the rule of thumb is if you are unsure about a fit,  try a demo or go a size up instead of 3 sizes too small to avoid looking like a sausage in spandex with all your bits and bobs hanging out or a special shopper that frequents the local Walmart, some peeps should check the mirror (zoom in closely and pan around your avatar)  before teleporting out the door. 

                                                          

While visiting a concert, I was inspired to write about this topic in hopes it will help lead avatars in a different direction or at least give them food for thought. How we perceive ourselves is way different than how others see us. For instance, I know I’m a Goddess in both worlds but Orion and a few others seem to think I’m not. I won’t argue the fact…let’s move on, it’s not ALL about me.


The first thing I want to bring up is the 2 decades-long trend of thigh-high extra tight boots and ultra minis. Why does it seem, the majority of single ladies dancing in the clubs seem to be wearing this same uniform? I’m perplexed. Maybe it's some secret society or something. Are classy girls excluded from whatever it is they are doing? DO I even want to know? Let’s start with the ladies before I tear into the opposite sex and their choices. WHY? Just why?


I set out to find answers…



With liquid courage in hand…. I set out to interview some men on the topic of Slut Gear to see if it really turns them on or makes them secretly rethink their gender orientation.



Not trying to be biased or anything but I turned to SLE’s own Orion Baral. I literally didn’t have to say a word, I just glanced at someone in the crowd and gave him the side eye and he already knew my question.  “Call me old fashioned but elegance is sexy”, he said as he began derendering women left and right I think a few dudes got erased from his screen too.


The next person I approached was Ninjaantwoord who gives 0 fux when it comes to giving an upfront honest opinion and here’s what he had to say. “OK, just so I’m clear, panties belong under skirts when in public, same as in real life. Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule, but generally, if you don’t want to be viewed as a slut, it’s easier if you don’t dress like one.”



Luchenpur Darwin, Owner of Center Ground Gallery of Art said,  “I guess a lot is dependent on the setting.  If they are at the beach or clubs where club sexy. Be as sexy as you want to be. It is the appropriate attire for it then have at it. I think it's fine.  Most of the time though sensual and sexy dress to me still means you don't have to show it all to attract attention. And the way an outfit is cut to show some skin can still be enticing.   I don't have any advice except, to do what makes you feel good and happy about yourself.



Another male who wished to remain anonymous so we will call him “Phil” said, “well there are a few directions questioning why they do, or just shaming, or psychological why they hate their mothers and have daddy issues and dress like that” 


These men bring up good points but I really had to dig my heels in deep to find a man who actually likes scantily clad females walking around with camel toes, cleavages, and asscracks on full display. Not to mention the bounce action.


I came across a fellow that I will call “Fred” who was hanging out at the Keyhole like a roach on a wall. I could tell by his basic avatar appearance and freebie t-shirt that read “I love Tiddies” that he was only in Second Life for a “good time”.  I'm pretty sure he derendered my clothing the second he saw me, as his crosshairs were all over me when I landed. At first, he stayed silent and then said…..” no Inglés. ¿puedo tener algunos Lindens?


WTF! Moving on…


Poups Sabra; Kreatures Breeder says, to be honest, Lanai, I like women wearing sexy clothes but to me, there is a difference between showing a little bit with classy clothes and wearing gross clothes, too much does not attract me at all.  Second life is a free world so everyone can do what they like and I respect that, but my advice to these girls would be not to do too much because that will not attract the few good guys out there ... that s how I see it.”


Poups brings up a good point about the quality of men that these women are potentially missing out on dressing like that.  It’s true, not all sluts end up like Julia Robert’s character, Vivian Ward in the movie Pretty Woman


Anyway,  I decided to take it a step further with the majority of the women choosing the type of outfits that would offend the average streetwalker like Vivian, I turned to the music scene and asked a couple of musicians their thoughts on these groupies that show up at their gigs.


I asked long-time musician and friend Dallas Winslet his thoughts on slut gear at his concerts and he had this to say,  “actually I am glad they come but I never really see what they r wearing, but I really don't mind what they wear. I am really too busy concentrating on what I am doing.”


That makes sense but I had to ask him when he is out and about does it attract his attention.


“Well, I am a man and I love women but I don't go looking to see what they r wearing”


Fair enough.



The next musician I accosted for input  was the one and only Icecremn Merlin who was glad to share some insight. 


“LOL.....My fans are mostly older 40 plus and are there because I don't play what other players play so most dress properly. Those who dress sultry or slutty are always welcome, but I think it's silly. The part I don't get is why they hit on me.  I mean really....cartoon sex?..... Come on. But...I have seen some avatars in here and I'm amazed at how good they look...and those are the ones that dress appropriately.”


I think Icecremn is on to something extraordinary here... Appropriately dressed women are actually sexier.


Upon gathering some insight from men in Second Life the only conclusion I can come up with is the old-fashioned saying “to each their own”. Everyone has the right to wear what they want to wear and act like they want to act just so long as it is not infringing on others or cause harm to another person. Self-degradation is also a choice one must live with if it is a choice they are willing to accept. Women practicing the slut gear culture can’t be surprised when they are treated with the type of respect or lack thereof based on the “uniform” they wear. Just like a clown cannot complain about not being taken seriously.




This article is for entertainment purposes only.






Sunday, August 28, 2022

AVIE POLL QUESTION: What is the funniest thing you ever witnessed in Second Life? Share your story!

 


Hey, friends and SLE fans! I hope you are having a lovely weekend!

It’s been a while since I randomly interrupted your regularly scheduled Second Life

and I hope I’m not being a pain in the prim.

Still, I was wondering if you were interested in participating in a new AVIE POLL section

I want to introduce SLE readers based on the stories I collect from you, the readers!


SLE will ask a question once a week and if you have something to share just submit it through this form link with your screenshot proof if you took a pic! You can remain anonymous or share your name it is entirely up to you!


At the end of the form, you can also make suggestions on other topics and questions you would like to see addressed by the SL community.  Let's make this interesting!


AVIE POLL QUESTION:

  What is the funniest thing you ever witnessed in Second Life? Share your story!


Submit your story here:


https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSftLxr_ZsWNBaYjfLjS9UAPMBCdFP3jsiGBaI2Td8kj

CvwtvA/viewform


DEADLINE: SEPTEMBER 3, 2022


Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Ukraine vs Russia, Settled The Old Fashioned Way - Stacey Cardalines Reporting

 


"You can't do that, it is an act of depravity!"


"'Controversy creates cash.'"


You are a fly on the wall at a meeting of Show Managers for Divas Wrestling sim. In the interest of full disclosure, this reporter is a "Spokesmodel" at this sim. One of the managers, who may be a Spokesmodel with a newspaper job on the side, is proposing a particularly brutal main event for one of the Divas shows. Before we go further, we must explain a few things about wrestling on SL.

There are two kinds of SL wrestling. One is done with a hud, and is a sport/game. Two wrestlers use a hud to have an actual competition against each other. The Virtual Wrestling Alliance, who advertise with this paper, are this sort of league. While they may use some sort of plot contrivance, they are selling the sport more than the spectacle. I do not know if the wrestlers are paid by the league, paid by tips from the audience at shows, or not paid at all.

The other sort of wrestling is poseball wrestling, which is more of a Performance Art. The matches, while not fixed, are contrived, and the opponents cooperate rather than compete. There is a heavy emphasis on personality, conflict, good/bad girls and just making a scene. The wrestlers live off the tip money from the crowd, so whatever they do to draw attention to themselves is fair game. Divas Wrestling is this sort of wrestling.

Pro Wrestling in general is a sketchy business. Her roots lay in barnstorming carnival shows, the anything-that-draws-attention motif was in full effect as far back as when Grover Cleveland was the President and elements of it stretch back to the Dark Ages. When your show is two people fighting, you don't really need to waste as much money/time/effort on developing scripts or hiring gifted writers. You can be very ham-handed with the presentation.



Thusly, wrestling tends to have broad, easily understood storylines. The dastardly Mean Girl is fighting the adorable All American girl, stuff like that. Wrestlers can be cowboys, European royalty, cheerleaders, bikers, musclemen, axe murderers, surfers, college boys, cannibals, karate guys, etc... pretty much anything that can be painted with a broad stroke and understood by children.

One easy way to perform this task is the Ripped From The Headlines motif, where your storyline reflects some current news event. This motif is good because FOX or CNN or NBC News do the backstory for you, all you need to do after is provide the militia guy or the evil comic book heroine ripoff and your story pretty much writes itself. 

With that in mind, it was almost inevitable that, at some point in 2022, this (see below) meeting among wrestling show producers was going to happen:


"We need a main event that gets people riled up."

"I have one."

"Do tell..."

"It's ripped from the headlines."

"Aren't they all?"

"We get a Russian girl and a Ukrainian girl to fight."

"Huh?"

"It'll rule."

"You can't do that, it is an act of depravity."

"Controversy creates cash."

"Thousands of people are dying over there, we can't make light of it."

"The crowd will love it."

"Where would you even FIND a girl from Russia or the Ukraine?"

"I have a Ukraine t-shirt and shorts."

"You're French."

"Close enough."

"Where do you plan to get the Russian?"

"My friend Courtney, she does some model work for me with the SL Enquirer."

"She's from the Ukraine?"

"Gloucester, Massachusetts, USA."

(pause)

"We'll get her a Soviet Union gymnast outfit I saw at a store."

(second pause)

"She's blonde... she'll look Slavic."

"The idea that someone might be offended by this never popped into your head."

"I have a filter which blocks things like that."

"This idea has been terminated with extreme prejudice."



The road to the castle gates is not always the high road, and one has to step on a lot of nice people as they claw their way to the top. The person proposing the fight wasn't a monster. She was just ahead of the curve.


Monday, March 28, 2022

TODAY’S DOSE OF UNPROVOKED HUMOR FROM THE SL ENQUIRER -AN INDECENT PROPOSAL GONE BAD- Lanai Jarrico Reporting…

 

March 28, 2022- Many times the SL Enquirer gets approached by the most outrageous avies. Most of the time it is a simple “block and moves on” tactic but I figured I’d share a sample of the shenanigans…..You can’t make this sh*t up.

Have you ever been just minding your own business in Second Life and you receive a random message from someone you don't know and it starts like this and then they end up offended and insult you for your reaction? 

[15:35] Jay Longfall: Hello there! I'm looking for roleplay. Let's say we're at your house you just finished shrinking my body to the size of six inches tall I'm staring up at you nervously and curiously. My clothes are still full size laying around me on the floor in a pile. This means I'm currently naked, we just came back from the bar. Describe what I see you wearing as I look up at you curiously. I'll pay you 50k if you roleplay with me.

[15:38] Lanai Jarrico: you do realize you contacted The SL Enquirer right?. Did you want to promote your kink in the newspaper or does your kink include a reporter? In that cause I probably would roll up a newspaper and pummel you to a pulp thinking you were a fly in the office.

[15:39] Jay Longfall: hehe, describe what I see you wearing as I look up at you curiously I'll pay you 100k if you roleplay with me and you are detailed

[15:40] Lanai Jarrico: How about you pay me 50k now and 50k after I complete the roleplay?

[15:41] Jay Longfall: well,  what do I see you wearing as I look up at you lanai?

[15:41] Lanai Jarrico: the bottom of my husband's shoe

[15:42] Jay Longfall: ok you're dumb

[15:42] Jay Longfall: blocked. 

[15:42] Lanai Jarrico: thank you.

If you or someone you know is into random IM kink, please contact Jay Longfall and tell em’ Lanai sent you.

SLE POLICE REPORT- WHAT APPEARED TO BE A HAIRLESS SASQUATCH SPOTTED AT HYPNOTIC ROMANCE!

 


On Sunday, March 28th, 2022 at approximately 9:35 pm SLT what appeared to be an unidentified new species of hairless Sasquatch was spotted attempting to harass an innocent couple taking in the sights on a bridge at Hypnotic Romance. Startled witnesses nearby described it as a giant featherless emu ape-like crossbreed animal that moved around almost like it had a bad case of hemorrhoids.  As they watched flabbergasted and confused, the creature approach the unsuspecting couple flapping its arms wildly while twerking in some kind of mating call dance. The horrified pair stood there in shock not knowing what to do. Only equipped with what seemed to be a movie prop samurai sword, a fake chest tattoo, and wearing a visible hovering nametag  “beachboy945”, the creature looked lost and confused while continuously galloping in circles and grunting obscenely.


The gathering crowd of onlookers grew as they watched in disbelief while others sat on benches nearby eating popcorn. One witness said he has never seen something so unnatural in all his second life while another shouted the lord’s prayer believing this creature was not of this virtual world.  Karen was seen asking for a manager and dialing 911 while her husband Terry with 2 toddlers in tow whipped out his phone and dialed the SL fire department. A virtual wedding officiant was on the scene with an unidentified scantily clan female but refused to assist before covering his face with her purse and hastily walking away leaving it up to breedable animal control,  RP Hazmat, and a prostitute from the crack den.  Even a vampire clan was called to the scene but none of them could get close enough to detain the monster due to the heavy stench of Old Spice, garlic, and sour milk that permeated the air. Before it could be captured and subdued the ape-like creature scurried off into the nearby woods and escaped.


 If anyone sees this creature on the loose please do not approach. This animal is believed to be male but it was hard to tell if it was a belly button or a sexual organ. It is considered armed and extremely challenged in its abilities as a griefer for its failed attempt and should be put on every ban list across the grid for the safety of all avies, breedable pets, child avies, furries, and escorts. If you manage to take a snapshot showing their nametag, please caption it and submit it to the SL Enquirer for 1000L! (Reward goes to the first 5 griefer hunters)


Got a griefer incident to report? Contact The SL Enquirer!


Tuesday, March 15, 2022

SLE POLICE REPORT- Heevahava on the Loose in Second Life! 1000L reward for his capture!




March 15, 2022, 11:00 am SLT.- It was reported by a local Dj that DonZiligen accidentally intercepted a tip with his big head that was meant for the DJ during a set and refused to return it when asked. In turn, he resorted to making nasty comments peppered with racist remarks and scurrying off with the stolen $500L lindens.  


Here is the actual report: 


“I am urging my list to ban DonZiligen from your groups, your clubs and anything else he may be involved in. Today he was at a set I was hosting and someone sent him linden by mistake that was meant for a tip.   He refused to return it to the person and then was talking a lot of mess to him but wouldn’t answer me or the DJ.   Please ban this guy he's no good for sure.” -Anonymous DJ



Upon further investigation, DonZiligen was recently put on medical leave from Amaretto Horse Ranch after injuries to his wrists, elbows, and jaw sustained as a heevahava. He has been linked to countless drag, furry, and escort lounge robberies, trying to return a used and broken blow-up doll to the local Freebie sex shop, and illegal sperm sales of REALISTEK breedable racehorses and dogs.


Fines exceed  $100,000L, 75 hours of community service cleaning hot tubs and bathrooms at Maui’s Swingers Resort but heavily supervised so he is not within 500 meters from any farm or domesticated animals.  1000L reward for his whereabouts. Share your tips in the comments below.






Wednesday, January 19, 2022

Winter Things- Stacey Cardalines Reporting...

 


Most people hate winter, but I'm not one of them. I love snow, cold, and all that other stuff that turns people off from the Cruelest season. If I have firewood, drugs, and remaining vacation days, a blizzard is one of my favorite things. I may be twisted, but if the normal people can't throw snowballs at each other, eff 'em.


I like winter on SL even more, because SL isn't cold unless you open the window to your computer room in January. I went to a winter sim today, and- as you can see from the pictures- I had no problem at all casting aside my business dress, putting on a hockey shirt, and climbing snowy mountains with nothing but pantyhose on my legs and heels on my feet. That would equal frostbite in the real world, but in SL, it just meant that Stacey had less things to do in her inventory.

I set out to find a snowball fight sim today, but there aren't many of them, and the ones that exist have it somewhere that I couldn't locate. I gave up, but the sim I gave up on it at had ice skating, so I figured WTH? 



The sim is called "Christmas Skate Rink And Holiday Market Christmas Shopping," which is the kind of name that made me think that the sim owner may be ESL. I checked, she isn't, and she appears to be a Vampire. That might seem odd, but Vampires are/were people too, and there's nothing in the Vampire manual which prohibits vampiric enjoyment of winter sports. If Dracula went to Alaska instead of London, I don't think Van Helsing would have beaten him. I went to the sim during sunlight hours, so I'm safe. It may turn into Salem's Lot after dark, I don't intend to find out.

This vampire had a skating rink, so I was all in. I'm a terrible skater in real life. This is embarrassing because I live in a hockey state, but it is what it is. I can only skate if there is a much larger person standing right next to me who might not fall with me if I lose my footing and panic-grab for his arm. You don't see figure skaters wearing hockey helmets, and if that sort of competence/confidence exists in a woman somewhere, the very balance of nature demands that there must also be a klutz woman walking the earth who screams in a panic a lot and falls before she gets on the ice. I fill that role in nature.

I was a hockey cheerleader, both on SL and in (real life) high school. It's easier on SL, where I could wear next to nothing, and where the hockey league carved out a large section of the arena for the cheerleaders to operate in. We were sort of our own show, somewhat akin to that old "I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out" joke, just with dancers. The only time I was on the ice was when I posed for the league calendar.



In high school, we were kept in the bleachers and reduced to stomp/clap-type cheers. We were mostly just trying to keep warm and not get hit by errant pucks. The girl right next to me got a puck to the nose once, and I'm still somewhat haunted by it. It did damage. She went from Prom Queen level to maybe a step above Sea Hag in one deflected slap shot. If you can imagine a blonde, rich-school 110-pound cheerleader with a Toucan Sam nose, that was the end result. I felt badly for her, but better her than me.

Either way, skating wasn't required of me as I performed these services. This is a good thing because the Traumatic Brain Injury that would have resulted from me pursuing skating never came about. Otherwise, this article might read "Cambot dongo at the banana patch" and- denied a career in journalism- I might have resorted to a life of crime. Fortunately, for all of us, it never came to that.



Becoming an expert skater on SL is as easy as jumping on a poseball. I started off in skates, but I got my skates at a sim where they assumed everyone was 6 foot 8, so they looked silly on me. I'm pretty short. Any game like SL that relies on the willing suspension of disbelief (I can teleport! I can carry 30,000 item inventories around with me!) will survive me skating in heels. I did have a hockey sweater on, so I score points there.

They have casual singles skating, pairs skating, and trick skating. You can bang out some pretty cool moves with even the simple menu. I didn't try the pairs menu, as I went to the sim by myself. I do my dirt by my lonesome. The pictures of me skating in this article are mostly from the Trick Skating menu. I didn't fall once.

They also have a little market there with some cute things. Some of it is Christmas-themed, but not so much that you think you went back in time a month. I was a big fan of the campfire with the warm-your-hands animation. You can kill some time at this sim, both touring and skating. It is one of the few vampire-owned skating rinks that I choose to recommend.

If winter comes and goes and you haven't gone skating, I can't even do business with you, dog.



Christmas Skate Rink And Holiday Market Christmas Shopping = http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Loon/46/189/106

 
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