Each
one of us are human beings whether we are in our first lives or in Second life. In Second life losing someone is no easier
than losing someone in real life. Second
life is just that, part of our lives and our hearts. Betrayal is a real part of some people’s Second
life experience. I spoke to a few
residents about experiences they had in Second life with betrayal and lost
relationships. The reactions ranged from
surprise to a deep cut to the bone of hurt.
I also asked each one of the people I spoke to if they had any words of
advice to others in relationships.
[names are changed to protect the privacy]
Happyguy75 aka Simon was partnered
to a woman in Second life for almost three years. They spoke on the phone every day, sometimes
two or three times. She was the first
person he called with any news. After
their first year, they met for a couple days IRL and enjoyed their long weekend
together. It was another evening that
seemed like any other evening when Simon logged into Second life. Everything seemed normal when he logged in;
he rezzed at the family home. He enjoyed
building and went to work on a project he had left out in their yard. When she wasn’t going to log on she would
call him or email him. He was working on
his project and as time moved forward she didn’t log on, didn’t call, didn’t
contact him. His first reaction was
worry. He was afraid something had
happened to her. He called her, no
answer. He spent a sleepless night
worrying about her. When he logged on
the next day, their home had been removed.
He had several return notices of items.
He contacted the land owner who told him Shelia said they didn’t need
the land any more. He now noticed she
was not on his friends list. He panicked
and tried IMing her, going to their favorite club, trying to find friends. Simon tried to keep calm as he contacted a
couple of their mutual friends. Each one
he contacted said they were sorry to hear about the break up. Simon’s heart went to his throat as he tried
to be cool and not show he was surprised.
He was homeless and standing at a furniture store just lost and thinking
when he received an IM from a friend.
This friend told him she was sorry and that she thought what Shelia did
was terrible. Through a bit of back and
forth Simon learned that Shelia had left him to be with a man she met only a
month ago. Simon would never again hear
from Shelia, but he suspected her of some dropped calls he received irl a month
later.
There are couples who have been
together since the beginning of Second life so many years ago. Tammy and Stefano Serendipity were one of
those couples. Together since August
2006, they lived through many of the changes that have happened in Second life. They lived on two separate continents and
never met; yet it worked for them. Well
it worked for them until it didn’t work anymore. They made plans to meet irl after ten
years. Now, they both believed they were
destined to be together irl. They have
spoken about their plans, where they might live, how all of this would happen
for them. Tammy flew to their agreed
upon destination to meet him. He was not
there when he promised he would be there.
She had her laptop computer and immediately logged into Second lifefrantic
with what may have happened to him.
After several hours of logging in and out he logged into Second life. He told her he was married irl. All the planning for the future was something
he really wished could happen for them.
He had even planned to meet Tammy using an excuse with his wife to be
away from home. In the end he couldn’t
do it. What hurt Tammy the most is that
Stefano had met and married this woman after Stefano had met Tammy in Second
life; four years after. Tammy told me
that she would have understood if he told her when he met this new wife. She said she could have understood as they
were continents apart, rl first. Tammy
told me she cried for a month and could not log into Second life. With Stefano coming clean it tore her apart
and everything she did in Second life was with him.
Readers I was going to save this for
the end, but I will tell you now the amazing news. While asking different people for their
experiences with Second life relationships and betrayal I met both Simon and
Tammy. Now Simon and Kittytam [Tammy’s
new name], they were together at the Blarney Stone when I met them. The met at the blarney stone and are now
dating. Simon said initially they began
talking one night about their experiences.
It was a venting session until a friend of Simon’s came into the Blarney
Stone and asked Simon in local “Simon introduce me to your new
girlfriend”. Simon said he hadn’t even
considered getting another girlfriend but quickly IMed Kittytam to play
along. He told Kittytam it would be less
awkward than telling his friend the truth.
In local Simon said, “She likes to be called Kitty”. They met a few more times without mentioning
that incident to talk. Soon Simon
reasoned with Kittytam that they should give it a shot. Now they are doing just that with dating.
Not all betrayals are between long
time partners. I spoke to men and to
women who learned they were someone’s side girlfriend or boyfriend. I spoke to some friends who felt betrayed by
friends, not within a romantic relationship.
Too many stories of one person leaving the other for a best friend. II picked two stories of the ones I listened
too in the past weeks. The first is
about a woman named Aquagirl2015 aka Sugar Puss.
Sugar Puss came into Second life for
fun. She was not going to have a long
term or a committed relationship. This freewheeling
attitude gave her plenty of fun. She
would meet people from all over the world.
She made great friends. One day
she met Sophia at Second life’s notorious [the chamber] club. They became fast friends often seeing each
other at [the chamber] or one of the other upscale social sex clubs. They shopped together, they both worked on
making the most beautiful avis with mesh and bento parts. Sugar was the single one and Sophia had a
boyfriend Dragon. Sugar said she never
enjoyed being with Sophia when Dragon was around. He was aloof toward her while in his presence
Sophia would act jealous of Sugar and any other woman around. Sugar would avoid seeing Sophia when Dragon
was online. She spoke to Sophia once but
didn’t feel as if Sophia listened to her.
If she avoided “Dragon time” the friends had a great time.
Then Dragon began coming online
times where Sugar was online and Sophia wasn’t online. At first Sugar would see his name come up
when he logged in and they never spoke.
Then one day they were both at [the chamber] at the same time. Sugar said they spoke briefly and politely. This happened regularly after that that she
would log in and he would be at one of her usual spots. They barely spoke. Upon reflection, Sugar tells me, she should
have wondered what Dragon was doing at these spots along if he was in a
relationship with her best friend. We
all know what came next even before Sugar tells me. Sophia logs in one day when both Dragon and
Sugar are at [the chamber]. Sophia
starts a huge argument with Sugar, accusing her of trying to take Dragon away
from her. She and Dragon leave the
club. The accusations fly at Sugar in a
steady stream for a couple days. Sophia
won’t talk to Sugar about anything else, she ignores her. Sugar tells me the friendship ended her
choice. She said Sophia said horrible
things to her and in the end Sugar didn’t feel like it could be repaired.
Sugar
believes that Dragon did what he could to flame this fire between the
women. She can’t prove it, but she told
me that before Sophia and she were friends Dragon flirted with her at a
club. She didn’t flirt back and never
mentioned the incident to Sophia.
Nothing came of it so she let it go.
To this day she is sure he didn’t let it go at all. Sugar confessed to seeing them at some of the
same places now. They never speak. It bothered her a log when it first happened
but now she tells me they are “strangers”.
Unfortunately, I could write more
stories with many more combinations and scenarios. Sometimes people suck. Period.
Yet for as many betrayal stories that I could write, I can honestly say
I found many more wonderful stories. For
every betrayal, there must have been ten stories of friendships and
relationships built over months and years.
As Simon put it, he had to move forward to find himself and others in Second
life and has never been happier. I asked
the people in more successful friendships and relationships what tips they
would give anyone in getting past a betrayal.
I narrowed the list to these:
·
Don’t blame yourself, don’t stop caring about
others in Second life
·
Don’t forget the friends you may leave behind
if you take a break, give them a warning
·
Come back and chase away those old feelings
·
Build your friendship support group, be a
good friend, be genuine
·
Don’t use your old relationship as a crutch
·
Remember we are all people and all have
feelings
There
is no magic pill or secret method to avoid heartbreak in Second life any more
than there is irl.
The same
betrayals that exist outside of Second lifeexist within Second life. The more centered you are with yourself and
your core group of friends, the happier it seems you will be. I have personally experienced betrayal as I
feel that many people have in Second life.
I don’t know what the future holds for me or any of us. I log in, talk to my friends, chase down a
story, flirt and sometimes have a boyfriend.
I hope whatever it is that you hope for most in your Second life
relationships happens for you. I can
tell you something with certainty; if you never try, if you never move forward,
you will miss out on so many things.
Seersha Heart [saoirseheart resident]
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