So...this question has been asked at least once, and probably a couple dozen times, by every married guy or gal shortly after setting pixelated foot on the SL Grid. In keeping with SLE’s desire to remain relevant to the population we serve, we thought it would be interesting to make this ubiquitous question the subject of this month’s SLE Poll. This proved to be a particularly easy question to ask, but difficult to get answers. Almost universally, whenever I posed the question, people had an opinion, but very few were willing to share it. So, My hat’s off to those intrepid few who dared to answer, and even more so to those who wished to be identified with their answer. So then...with that in mind….Let the Games Begin!
When asked, “If you are married in Real Life, and partner in SecondLife, is it cheating?, the first respondent had a very thoughtful answer.
Anonymous, SL Resident, (9 years 11 months; 3650 days)
“I feel my partner in sl just adds more enrichment to my real life. Perhaps in many ways it fill in little little holes that even a happy marriage can have. I have a very happy rl marriage, and my adventures in sl bleed out into my rl marriage. My exploration of bondage has lead to me exploring that with my husband, who was eager to take part. He must wonder and realize what I may be doing in sl, but he knows I am happy and continue to make him happy. I in no way have a partner in sl to replace what I have in rl. Its a balance one has to be mature enough to engage in and have a big enough heart for, to keep that way.”
Another respondent was equally circumspect.
Lora B. , SecondLife Resident, (12 years 8 months; 4643 days)
“I am happy to tell you my answer.... SL is an alternate existence, we can live by the same compass we use in RL or we can treat this world the way some people treat a video game.... there are video games where you engage in war and pretend to kill people... and video games where you pretend to steal things... I think those people are not truly murderers or thieves.... any more than the married people who are partnered here are unfaithful.... I dont agree with people who believe any division of the heart or mind away from a lawful spouse is infidelity...”
The next two responders brought a unique perspective to the question, since they are actually a RL married couple, as well as SL partners.
Kale Rayne, DJ, Owner Teaser's Lounge & Den (8 years 4 months; 3052 days)
“We are married in both RL and SL Delilah and I. To answer the question, I state this: I encourage her to play at her choosing whether I am present or not. The only thing I ask is that she tell me of her adventures if I am not present or online. She has told me every time therefore she is not cheating on me since I encourage her to play. Our relationship is defined as a Stag and Vixen whereas she may have different lovers and I do not touch any other woman , at times I may watch or even join in if all are willing. Now if at anytime she hides her adventures to me then yes that is cheating, but the trust I have in her is what she cherishes most . We have been together for 8 years plus in SL and she has never cheated.”
Delilah Rayne, Hostess, Co-Owner Teaser's Lounge & Den, (8 years 11 months; 3270 days)
“No it is not cheating if your RL partner knows about it and is okay with it. If its done behind your RL partners back and they are not aware then yes its considered cheating in our opinion.
This next couple were also in complete agreement
Richh Devin, Builder of Dreams, Club Owner (11 years 10 months; 4345 days)
Alexxxa Devin) SL DJ and Hostess (9 years 5 months; 3447 days)
“As long as both are on same page about SL, then no, it is most definitely NOT cheating. Communication is key in both worlds.”
This next answer come from one who was holding one of those Magic 8-Balls. She repeated my question for the benefit of the ball, and responded accordingly with a very reasonable and straightforward response.
Hunnydumpling O'Magah, SL Resident (8 years 7 months; 3140 days)
“After consulting my oracle I believe that partnering someone is cheating while just screwing them is not. TYVM”
While the responders answered some variation of the “it’s not cheating” theme, there was one particularly outspoken proponent of the opposite view.
Lisa Icandia, Renaissance Woman, (9 years 2 months; 3364 days)
“Of course it is cheating unless you have lost all morality from sight. You are emotionally cheating on your real life partner. She/He may be sexually uninspired or fat or old but you're married. You are giving laughter, joy, fun, understanding and time to a total stranger who is a well made and sexy cartoon and is only made of pixel dust. And 9.5 times out of 10 it will end in one of you leaving SL or blocking the other person or cheating on that avatar along with your real life partner. But we ignore that it's cheating, don't we, because we love the thrill of the chase and we love feeling loved and as if we are young and beautiful and viable. There are no real obligations in here to mow the lawn or cook or clean house or bathe or go to work each day so we can always be charming and perfect spouses in SL even though we are not in real life. It's ALL an illusion!”
Often times when I asked a potential respondent, several answered that they did not feel comfortable answering the question, but would love to read the final poll results and asked that they be notified when it went to press.
S male, (4 years 8 months; 1727 days)
“ummmm...I suspect if you are married in RL and partnered here the odds are that you are going to say no to cheating but I look forward to seeing the results.”
So there you have it folks...as many different answers as there were individuals who answered. So then. What do YOU think? Leave a comment.
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